to be fed up with DSS2 staring at DD when she's sleeping on my exposed boob?

[Enfyshedd]

DSS2 is 6, DD is 8mo.

I'll admit that DSS2 has been irritating me a bit recently (like constantly losing his school shoes in his room by chucking his comics, toys & dirty laundry on top of them and when he nearly brained DD yesterday with a wooden shape sorter toy when he lost his grip when swinging it around ), but kneeling up on a chair to stare at a sleeping, BFing DD is really bugging me right now.

Anyone have any ideas on how to get him to stop looking?

[VinegarDrinker]

Marianne that is so true (and so hard to follow!)

[HollaAtMeBaby]

He's only 6. I actually think it's really sad that you refer to him as DSS when you've been with his dad for half the child's life, he lives with you and his mum isn't around.

Can't you just say "would you like to come and have a cuddle with us" and shepherd him round to sit next to you on the non-boob side? and then put the TV on so he has something else to look at

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Oh poor little man. This is so sad.
Get your midwife to show you how to BF so that none of your breast is visible -it's very easy to do.
And this little boy is probably just curious. And to have lost his mum and now be feeling a bit pushed out by a new baby - as all older siblings do.
Have a heart OP.

[VinegarDrinker]

"I know he's looking at DD, but my boob is right there next t it."

Would it matter if he was looking at your breast? Without getting too amateur-psychologist, I think you need to examine the reasons why you think a 6 year old child looking at your breasts is somehow "wrong".

[VinegarDrinker]

Whoops, credited Marianne instead of gordys

[Stickwithit]

OP, the tone of your posts and your choice of words gives me the impression you don't like DSS. He's so very young and it sends shivers down my spine to think that he's not unconditionally loved.

Apologies if I've misjudged you, for your DSS' sake I sincerely hope that I have.

[MarianneM]

Oh no, I was already resting on my laurels :)

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

Sadly, I agree withHiddenhome. You could well be storing up trouble for yourself if your little boy doesn't feel loved and safe now.

Can you speak freely to your health visitor and discuss your difficulties. He sounds like a fairly ordinary 6 year old but some good support and advice now could stop any difficult behaviour from escalating.

For good mental health, kids need to feel safe and to feel loved.

[apostropheuse]

DP pulled me up for being a bit snappy with DSS2 yesterday

Well thankfully his father isn't oblivious to what's happening. Please just involve the wee soul. He needs a mummy. That's all he is looking for.

It sounds as if he does feel pushed away since the new baby came. Perhaps you need to work at actually putting her down for a while.

I feel so very sad for this little boy.

[VinegarDrinker]

An over-enthusiastic 6yo who's own DF is getting fed up with a recent spate of back-chatting is not the easiest thing to handle on top

I'm sure it is stressful but you are the parent here, and the adult. He is a little curious boy. By all means tell him off for being "naughty" but not for just looking at you in an innocent way. What message does that send him about breasts/breastfeeding?

[MarianneM]

But seriously, OP, if the boy's father is getting "fed up" with him too, what chance does he have?

It's not about you, it's about him! YOU and your DH are his parents, you owe him love and care.

[SunbathingintheRain]

Oh dear your replies have made me feel even more sorry for him :( :(

Can you talk to someone in RL about this - as nothing that's being said here is getting through it seems.

[Floralnomad]

This is actually quite sad , poor little boy . Whatever way you try to explain it OP the fact is you wouldn't have started this thread if he was your biological son and hence I doubt anybody will think you are being reasonable.

[VinegarDrinker]

Oh, just re read, you both said it Marianne! Am not going totally mad. Probably bed time though!

[Kalisi]

YABU. Poor kid.

[NorthernLurker]

You're obviously waiting for somebody to agree your dss is a pita. Sorry, not going to happen.


Will you answer my question - would you show dp this thread?

[DoodlesNoodles]

I think this is a very odd post. The boy is 6 . He sounds like a lot of six year olds, ie a bit boisterous and a bit irritating. It's odd that it bothers you, its odd that you don't just speak to him and ask him 'hey don't stare at my boobies' , odd that you don't just cover up a bit more.

What isnot odd is that nearly every poster thinks YABU

[Morloth]

He is 6 and he loves his baby sister. DS1 was 6 when DS2 was born and he loved watching him feed and sleep.

You do sound like you don't like him very much.

He isn't looking at your boob, he is 6.

For your DDs sake the very best thing you can do is try to look upon your DSSs as your DSs. Their mum isn't there, you have chosen to be their Mum. So be their Mum and foster the relationship with their sister, because she will need them growing up. You have the power to give her a strong loving family, or you have the power to drive a divide between her and her brothers and rob her of that relationship.

6 year old boys with cabin fever can be bloody annoying, no denying that, but watching his baby sister is not one of those annoyances.

[Kalisi]

And YY Hiddenhome

[CaptainVonTrapp]

I'll be the first to say that 6 year olds can be a pita. But not for staring at a baby. Thats the nice bit.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Poor little chap. He can come here and have a cuddle with me while I BF my DS2 if he likes.

OP - how can you be so cold to a child so young, especially when you've known him since he was little.

:(

[slartybartfast]

have you offered him some milk. i did same to my toddler, when bf his sister, he might just take a suck from your finger?