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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not throw a party afterwards?

23 replies

Jayne266 · 21/01/2013 04:37

I have posted a few threads to get advice about my DS and his christening and got lots of help. But it's now early in the morning and I can't sleep thinking about it. My DS is getting christened next month and MOSTLY due to finance I didn't want a party afterwards (still on SMP and getting near the end so funds are very low)
I can't have anything in my house it's too small, but now am thinking AIBU? I have also requested no presents from the guests as it was just about the ceremony. Any advice AIBU? Should I be doing something if so any ideas? (there is 15 people coming)

OP posts:

INeedThatForkOff · 21/01/2013 04:43

I'm in the same situation, but I think I'll offer tea and cake at the church hall. When DD was Christened we didxa bug fancy buffet, and I'd say half was left. Cake = cheap and cheerful (actuallt thinking about it, it could just be the Christening cake ...

Original poster

Jayne266 · 21/01/2013 04:50

My brother and a few others have said why don't we go for a drink but I feel guilty if I don't pay. Plus it's on a Sunday so I will need to book somewhere for that.

OP posts:

IceNoSlice · 21/01/2013 04:53

Depends how far they're traveling, I reckon. If everyone is local then I don't think you need a 'do', but if they're travelling for hours and you don't see them often then it might be a bit of a shame to not make the most of having them there. Is there a local pub for a quick drink afterwards (I din't think you'd need to pay for everyone).

Kafri · 21/01/2013 05:22

I'm having my DS christening soon but am in the same boat. I'm just paying for a cheap buffet for people. I only want a small christening so there won't be too any people there. I do think about changing the date to give me more time to save but the date is important to me as I've chosen the date that the little tiny embie that grew into my DS was transferred back into me.
I'm having it in a pub so people will buy their drinks and I'll give them a bite to eat

Most churches (in my area anyway) have a club attached close by which are dirt cheap to hire and have a chep bar. Is that an option?

Also, given that I would guess th people you're inviting are less family and friends, they prob wont mind nit having a lavish 5 course meal and most will probably understand that things are tight on a lower budget and an extra mouth.

I wouldn't lose sleep over it. Presumably you're losing enough of that on night feeds and nappies ;-)

ThinkAboutItOnBoxingDay · 21/01/2013 05:27

My BIL and SIL christened their DCs and then booked a table at a local pub for sunday lunch after. We all paid for our own food. Didn't even occur to me they should pay.

Was nice and chilled, more so than a buffet i would say, it just felt normal.

mrsL1984 · 21/01/2013 06:00

Why can't u just invite them back to ures have bacon an sausage buttys (as brunch time) and then tea an cake ??

Yamyoid · 21/01/2013 06:06

Pub meal idea is good. Maybe just buy a few bottles of wine/bubbly for the table and explain beforehand that you're not paying.

Sirzy · 21/01/2013 06:39

I just had a few people here afterwards. If that's not an option then close family and friends and out for a meal? Find somewhere which does a caravary which isn't normally to expensive.

coffeeandchoc · 21/01/2013 06:48

When my dn was dedicated last year my ds and bil had tea and cake in the same room as the dedication took place afterwards. It was a cake buffet and she asked a lot of the guests to bring a cake with them. It was lovely, and if your guests know it is about the christening for you, and not just an excuse for a party (as some christenings seem to be) no one will care what happens afterwards.

InMySpareTime · 21/01/2013 06:56

Does the church serve tea and biscuits after the service usually? (Most do). If so, get a Costco cake and let the congregation all have a slice. It'll satisfy the criteria for "a celebration" and only cost you the price of a cheapy traybake.

ApocalypseThen · 21/01/2013 07:02

You really don't have to do anything, but if you want to invite people for tea and cake, I'm sure they'd be very pleased. Perhaps one of the godparents could make a nice cake, help you out a bit?

HecateWhoopass · 21/01/2013 07:08

15 people isn't really that many. Unless your house is truly the size of a box, they will fit. Even if that means half of them in the kitchen and half in the living room!

Drinks and snacks can be done very cheaply. Just a few quid if you're not fussy about brands.

Or ask people to bring a dish to share, in lieu of pressies.

msmorgan · 21/01/2013 07:18

After our daughters christening we all (20 of us) went to the local pub for Sunday lunch. We had prebooked and everyone expected to be paying for their own meals and were fine with this. As it was, the bill wasn't too much so we paid.

Gumby · 21/01/2013 07:22

Why invite 15 people though if you can't afford it

swallowedAfly · 21/01/2013 07:26

i'd say don't feel intimidated by having a small house! it's only 15 people! borrow a few extra chairs and stick them round the edges of the living room and hall and make tea and coffee and a few sandwiches. stick your dining table against a wall for the sandwiches to go on and a couple of chairs go either side and another few dotted round the room. maybe buy 2 bottles of cava to offer everyone a little glass for a toast with the cake.

it's all in the confidence to open ones home imo - something i find hard (little house here too) but when i've done it it's been fine. people just want a chance to see each other and chat and hold the baby and stuff. i think it would be a shame not to have that personally if the only thing holding you back is self consciousness about the house.

Sirzy · 21/01/2013 07:26

She has invited them to a christening, christenings don't need to cost a thing.

littlewhitebag · 21/01/2013 07:30

We held Christening parties in our house after DD's 1 and 2 were born. Our house then was a three bedroom semi with a sitting room and a tiny kitchen off the sitting room. We all managed to squeeze in - and i am sure we had more than 15 people. Just have them for coffee and cake so it is not expensive then everyone will go off by lunch time leaving you free to go off for a nice pub lunch (and people can join you for that if they want to but you won't need to pay).

IloveJudgeJudy · 21/01/2013 08:11

I think you do really need to invite them back to your house, at least for a cup of tea and some cake/sandwiches. Our church hall is horrible and would feel even worse if there were only 15 people in there.

I think if the people have made the effort to come to the christening service, the least you can do is to offer them tea and cake afterwards. The other posters are right, you can easily fit 15 people in any house if the will is there. They won't mind standing/cramming in at all (at least none of the people I know wouldn't).

Try it. Get out of your comfort zone (meaning that in a nice way) and let the 15 into your house. You might be surprised how much you enjoy it. The goodwill you will spread will be lovely and it won't cost much.

Original poster

Jayne266 · 21/01/2013 08:56

I know I need to do something it was just seating in my house only have a 2 seater couch and that's it for seats.

The 15 people are only family mine and DH.

The church hall attached has broken heating they told me.

Think am going to ring my local pub I want to do something and would prefer to be out of my house (too many sharp objects to use on DH family).

The are all local except for DH nan who lives 1hr away.

You are all confirming what I thought though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jayne266 · 21/01/2013 08:58

Ilovejudgejudy

No offence taken I do have a big issue with my comfort zone even my parents have pointed it out.! You nailed me on the head with that issue.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 21/01/2013 08:58

What about asking your parents or inlaws if you can go back to theirs for a few drinks and small buffet afterwards?

Mia4 · 21/01/2013 09:26

It doesn't sound like to many to invite back to the house, you could make some cakes maybe and ICELAND has some great cheap party food-you wouldn't need much. And if you want a toast-Bucks Fizz, only £1.99.

As for seats, what about people bringing some? When we had a baby shower for a friend everyone brought a few seats or massive bean bags.

swallowedAfly · 21/01/2013 09:29

in my family when i've hosted something here i've actually had people bringing chairs with them so really chairs aren't the issue are they?

it's a couple of hours - you can handle it.

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