to think that you shouldn't tell everyone that you are separated, until you have actually separated?

[2kidsintow]

My friends have told the world (via fb and word of mouth) that they have separated. Lots of sympathy forthcoming on fb posts from all their friends.

The thing is...
They haven't told their children.
They are still living in the same house together (fair enough, lots of people who are in the process of separating have to do so due to ££)
but
They are still going around visiting family, very much together.
They are still going out (meals out, theatre trips etc) together and are indeed still planning to go out together to various things, for months in advance.
And when you are in their company, you know it is not for show as they have told EVERYONE and aren't putting any fronts on for anyone - they just genuinely seem happy together.

But they are still 'separated'

It's very confusing.

I think you should keep your beak out, tbqh

They are leaving the norm for their kids sake I would say until they sort out all the details.

living not leaving should I say :)

I think it is wrong to tell the world before you tell the children. There is a pretty clear duty to prepare what you are going to say, tell them in an age appropriate way (and ideally together), providing further explanation if required, and definitely providing lots of reassurance. It is wrong to leave open the possibility they will find out from a third party.

2kidsintow I think we have the same friends?

Yabu. It's great that they can be that amicable.

Something I learned on MN, you can be separated, in the same house and of course by doing so you can both claim single persons tax credits etc. So of course they are going to publicise their separation, even if it isn't quite what it seems.

I discussed this phenomonen at work, and glaring loophole, only to be told it is very commonplace amongst professional couples regarding uni fees and loans. Infact one couple manged to put 4 children through uni on the SAH wifes tax credits alone - then they magically reconciled. Voila! No debt for any of the 4 children.

I mentioned this to my solicitor this week and she said the rules were being tightened significantly; you can probably only get tax credits now for being separated if you are living in different places.

Catchingmockingbirds I wonder if they are the same?

My friends aren't bothered about tax credits either, do their names start with a C?

maybe it's just a great relief that they're not living a lie anymore and have told the truth - maybe they have fallen into a deep friendship instead of romantic love and that's why they are 'seperating'.

Sounds like my friends too. They are separated but are always together and always seem happy. I guess nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.

ah surely the kids do know? How old are they?

Nope. Neither of their names start with a C. How strange.

Kids completely oblivous. KS1 age.

Must be different people then, although the stories are really similar!