To hate it when fil says this

[louloutheshamed]

My ds is 2 and fil look after him one day a week. We saw them this weekend. I have written before about fils controlling and patronising attitude towards mil, well this is exemplified in his latest catch phrase where he says "come along old girl". He thinks it's hilarious and mil responds with mock outrage.

The the thing is, fil is encouraging ds to copy it and say it to mil. Ds is at the age where he copies everything and thinks it is hilarious, but I hate it! Maybe I'm a humourless harpie but if dh ever spoke to me like that I would be not be amused at all. Is it just a bit of gentle ribbing or should I be concerned that fil is encouraging ds to mimic his patronising and sexist tone.

My DP would say that to me and I'm 32.

Unless this ribbing and clearly two sided joke is accompanied by abusive behaviour I'm not sure what the problem is.

Does it bother your MIL?

sounds like a shared joke to me - maybe MIL quite likes being "his old girl" -?
hard to say without hearin it from the horses mouth

Sorry, but I think you are overreacting. It's obviously just a joke, lighten up.

I'm very much of the thinking that children fall into the dynamics of what is acceptable in different settings if you know what I mean. That kind of banter is common with my in-laws, but would go down like a lead balloon with my parents! Ds seemed to pick up on that very quickly!

If it bothers MIL then it's not 'just a joke' is it? YANBU to be annoyed about it if its meant as a nasty comment.

Over reacting much? YABU

OP, some people think they know the context of this situation better than you do. Impressive, eh?

Maybe some secret Lovey Dovey in joke..lighten up

Well the context does probably make it worse. As I said fil can be controlling. Mil has been sahm/ housewife ever since dh was born 30 years ago but even within the 'domestic sphere' she has no status. Fil fancies himself ad chef and does all cooking and assigns her menial chopping/ peeling/ washing up tasks and gets cross if not done to his liking. he makes all decisions re house and decor etc

He also tells her what to wear and how to have her hair etc. they are brilliant gps to ds but the dynamics of their relationship do unnerve me sometimes.

" mil responds with mock outrage."
Mock. So some sort of in-joke between them? Have they been watching Blandings perhaps?

(Have not read any previous threads, responding purely to this post.)

When you say she reacts with mock outrage, that sounds to me like she's entering into the joke. If so, YABU to get all offended on her behalf.

Explain to your DS that it's a joke between FIL & MIL, and isn't something he should say to other people. You may find he catches on more quicly than you think, but in any case nobodywill take much offence from a 2-year-old.

I think you may be BU here.

It sounds like it's an in joke. With regards to their relationship,unless your MIL seems unhappy it just sounds like they have a relationship dynamic you wouldn't want yourself. Which isn't the same thing as being abusive at all.

I have actually heard elderly men call their wives their "old girl" and I thought it sounded lovely. Perhaps it depends on the tone used.

I think this sounds very sweet.
I thought it was going to be some offensive opinion or hideous swears from the title.

I think you are overreacting.

The dynamic of their relationship isn't something that we would consider appropriate for ourselves these days, but it sounds like they are both happy and therefore it isn't anyone else's business.

Many men of that generation are controlling, because it is what was expected of them when they were young and first got married and set up home.
I'm not saying that it's right, but it is how their relationship is - and to try and put it in context against our current values simply isn't possible.