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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to america alone for 4 weeks

115 replies

whyisthepathsounclear · 20/01/2013 18:33

So, my husband left me a few months ago, after only 5 months of marriage. Horrible situation.

Anyway, I am trying hard to move on and am coping very well duringbthe working week. The weekends are pretty sad and lonely though. I am atteacher and the school hols are the hardest time. Xmas was horrid. 2 whole weeks alone with my sadness! So, even though it is a while away I am already dreading the summer. 6 weeks is an awful lot of time to fill.

I have been thinking of going over to the states for 4 weeks, maybe travelling around a bit and doing something I would never have donew if we were together. However, when I told my parents and some friends my plan they were horrified. They think I am being rash. I am preferring to think of it as being impulsive and enjoying my youth now I am free of cheating ex.

Is it really a stupid idea? Anyone else done this that can offer advice?

OP posts:
Teahouse · 20/01/2013 20:36

Go...I am so jealous,
Just spent 2 weeks alone in Chile...at least there aren't language difficulties in the states.
Take a book to read in restaurants, and a guide book for ideas on where to go.
You will have a blast...can I come? Smile

squeakytoy · 20/01/2013 20:40

go to LA and travel your way up the Pacific Coast Highway to San Francisco.. It is a fabulous trip.

fallon8 · 20/01/2013 20:46

Go for it and book it NOW,then you can't back out....doubt if ex would think twice about it,but might make him realise what a trot he has been

AViewfromtheFridge · 20/01/2013 20:48

This website might be worth a look. Go, go, go!

Skinnywhippet · 20/01/2013 20:51

I want to do this but husband doesn't have the luxury of long holidays like me. Think I will def go next summer as busy this year. If you want to do it again pm me!

VivaLeBeaver · 20/01/2013 20:53

Sounds amazing. Do it. Don't think it, just book tickets!

kim147 · 20/01/2013 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedPencils · 20/01/2013 20:59

Buy one of those huge maps and put it up on your bedroom wall. Put pins into all the places you want to go to. You'll go to sleep dreaming of your amazing adventure not your knobber ex.

SquinkiesRule · 20/01/2013 21:02

You could do a tour holiday, my Mum and her friend did one last October. It started in Los Angeles, went to San Diego, Arizona, Sedona, Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, and ended up in San Francisco where I et up with them and we went to Alcatraz and toured Downtown shopping and eating. They had a great time and I was surprised it didn't cost more. You go off on your own in each area once you arrive, the hotels are all pre booked and you can see as much or little as you feel like.

SirBoobAlot · 20/01/2013 21:04

Book it this instant and do not think twice.

Original poster
whyisthepathsounclear · 20/01/2013 21:07

Right, I have finished my work for the evening so I am about to embark on some serious internet based research, exciting!
Good idea red - looking to the future not the past now!
Am just watching dancing on ice from earlier. Seeing lovely Gareth in his cowboy outfit is making me smile after earlier comments! :D

OP posts:
BettySuarez · 20/01/2013 21:07

Give yourself a target of one week to decide which area you will explore. Then book your flights!!!! Don't over think it, just do it!

You mentioned San Francisco, which I think is an excellent choice.

From there you can explore the National Parks and the coastal areas. So much to do Grin

If you get shacked up with some dot com billionaire and decide to stay then we will come and say hi when we come for our hols in November Blush

SamuelWestsMistress · 20/01/2013 21:08

Life is too short not to act upon spontaneous decisions like this when its something you know you want to do. Bugger what anyone else thinks! This is your life not theirs.

soaccidentprone · 20/01/2013 21:28

if you don't do it now then things we will change and you may not get this kind of opportunity again.

go for it, and doesn't forget to sort out your visa. you can do this online now and I think it takes a few hours.

I am so jealous Grin

Original poster
whyisthepathsounclear · 20/01/2013 21:47

Have just ordered my trek America brochure!!!!

OP posts:
MushroomSoup · 20/01/2013 21:50

Go girl!!!

Bogeyface · 20/01/2013 21:53

Its a bloody marvellous idea!

Maybe "not like you" is exactly what you need now!

Bogeyface · 20/01/2013 21:55

I read a really good metaphor for not getting above yourself or changing the status quo.

I dont know if you read Terry Pratchett but in one of his books he refers to it as "crab pot". If crabs are in a pot with no lid and one starts to climb out, the others will pull it back in. Thats what people who are too scared to live their own lives do to people like you, who want to get out there and do something different. It scares them because if you can do it then it shows their own lack of courage and ambition, so they try to pull you back into the crab pot with them.

Remember that whenever you encounter a naysayer - "Crab pot"! :)

foosty · 20/01/2013 22:05

Def do it

I travelled in Oz when I was 24 - actually went with then boyfriend, we broke up after a couple of month and I went on to have the best year of my life

Am pining for its sunshine just now!

Second looking at Trek America or similar. If I was you, I'd book a 7/10 day trip with them, then have a rough plan in place that you can change at any time - ie don't book hotels etc for after the tour - you are very likely to meet a bunch of folk and might want to do what they're doing!

also, I'd book an open-ended ticket so if you want to stay longer you can change your date - there might be a small fee for this but it's sometimes free and worth it for the flexibilty

I'd strongly advise going to STA Travel or Trailfinders and talking to them about this. They are all travellers and will have great advice for you, and can book your flight, organise your tours etc. I say that as a former STA travel agent - I LOVED my job and it was always exciting helping fellow travellers plan their trips.

you won't regret it.

ConferencePear · 20/01/2013 22:05

I wonder if you belong to any group that has connections with the USA ? Your old college perhaps ? A church group ?
I was astonished by the friendliness and hospitality I received in the States although I was on a more organised visit than you are planning.

Original poster
whyisthepathsounclear · 20/01/2013 22:26

Bogey - I will remember that! I can think of a few other occasions I could have used it in the past!

Foosty - great advice thank you.

I think a 10 day trip would be a great start and then could move on elsewhere. I think being flexible is a good idea. Might be ready to come home by then!

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 20/01/2013 22:34

Sad and lonely is normal after the end of a relationship/marriage that mattered.

But you got out of a bad situation, so good for you!

And yes, go for it. USA. (LP, travel junkie too Grin)

Don't bother with all those nay-sayers. They're just jealous and/or paranoid...

They would love to do it themselves anyway!

MarianForrester · 20/01/2013 22:42

YABNBU! In fact you would be unreasonable not to do it.

Have a fabulous time; this is such a great opportunity.

Bogeyface · 21/01/2013 00:27

why it was in Unseen Academicals. The narrative is based on the invention of "modern" (disworld) football, but the main story is about a woman called Glenda escaping her own "crab pot". Even if you aren't into fantasy fiction, I recommend you read it :)

Bogeyface · 21/01/2013 00:28

Discworld, not disworld!