Gven money to a friend to make something but she still hasn't

[pingu2209]

Over 6 months ago I gave my friend £80 to make a crochet shawl for me. The money was for the material which she bought and I paid her for. I still don't have it.

I have asked her a few times over the past 2-3 months how it is getting along as she has posted pictures of other items she has made onto Facebook. Her answer is that it is nearly finished but the wool is so fine that making it hurts her skin on her fingers.

I don't know what to do now. I asked her in early December if she would have it ready as I wanted to wear it to a Christmas do. She said she would, but then didnt. I then asked if she would have it finished by New Year, she said that she was too busy.

I asked her again last week if it would be ready soon and she got huffy and reminded me how much her fingers hurt when she makes it.

But I paid her £80 up front.

What can I now do?

There is a little history there too. Last year I paid £15 for a Christmas do which she took the ticket for and said she would pay me when she went to the bank as she didn't have the cash, but then never paid me. I was then too embarrased to ask for the money.

She then looked through a load of clothes that no longer fitted me. I said that I wanted money for them but I would sell them to her for a small amount. She picked out a few jumpers, jeans and trousers etc. I only wanted £20 for the lot (as I was going to put them on Ebay so it saved me hassle). Again she was going to give me the cash and never did.

I'm pissed off now and don't know the next step. I've written off the £15 and £20 but I do want my shawl.

However, I live in a village where it is never a good idea to fall out with people. What should I do?

Was the 80 pounds including her labour or just for the materials?

Oh dear. I don't think there's much you can do unless you want to ask for your money back and abandon the idea of getting the shawl and continuing your friendship.

I think you've learned the lesson with this "friend". By the way, she doesn't seem bothered about falling out with you.....

I would turn up unannounced and tell her I was "just passing, but I've got someone else who can finish the shawl as it is clearly causing you pain". Ask her to hand it over and if she doesn't I'd tell her I'm fed up of being seen as a cash-cow and end the friendship.

So she has the materials still or do you think she's used the materials you paid for in order to complete her orders from other people?

I would continue to ask, or say, "OK, if you don't want to make it, can I have my £80 back please?"

For future, never lend her money, never buy anything that she is going to give you the money back for, never let her have anything if she is going to pay you for it later. She's not to be trusted with money, I assume other people in the village probably already know what she's like...

The £80 was for labour and materials. The materials came to about £40, but I can't remember exactly as it was over 6 months ago.

I think my friend would be utterly mortified that I was peeved about the money. I've not said anything to anyone about how I feel. To be frank the fact I live in a small village, if I talked about her behind her back, I would be frowned upon too. Fair enough!

She is a single mum of 2, not by choice, as her partner left her when the children were under 3. She makes regular comments about not having money and that she can't do the things with her children that I do with mine due to a lack of money.

This may well be the case.

However, that doesn't mean I have to give her clothes and pay for evenings out and for her to take (a lot) of money for work that doesn't get done.

As I have said I have written off the £15 and £20 but I don't think I should write off the shawl.

I've tried asking her to finish it for an event with a specified date etc, but she still doesn't do it. I am in no doubt that the thread is fine and so the tension when crocheting must be sore after a while, but she did add £40 for labour.

How about look enough of your excuses. You said you could do it. You bought the materials so you should have been aware of it being fine. Obviously you have no intention of doing it, so I want my money back. No I do not want the materials, I want the money.

I really, really do not understand why people have this reluctance of chasing people when owed money.

I agree with Viggle - go and ask for it. If it's "nearly finished" as she says, she can hand it over and you can get someone else to finish it. She should have the materials that she has bought for you.

I suspect she hasn't even started though, and is stringing you along. In which case, if she can't produce a nearly-finished shawl or your materials, you can ask for your £80 back.

I don't think she's a very good friend. You might have to write off the money, to be realistic. But you'll know never to lend her anything again. In fact, given her previous behaviour, perhaps giving her £80 up front wasn't the smartest move, but I expect you realise that now.

Agree also with Dont mind that you won't be the only person she's done this to, and I wouldn't worry about falling out with her, I think you've got a good reason.

My friend doesn't make things for other people normally. This was a one off for me as we were looking through a crochet book and I said how much I liked the shawl and she said that she could make it for me but I would need to pay for the yarn and for her time.

The fact she got huffy makes me think that she knows she is in the wrong but either she is bored of the job, it really really hurts her fingers, or something has happened to the yarn and she can't fix it.

She did say ages ago when she was first making it, that the yarn was very fine and if the tension wasn't exactly right it snapped. Perhaps it has snapped.

It is very difficult to walk away from the friendship due to the overlap in friends.

What a tricky situation.

FWIW, my nan used to wrap her fingers with a light bandage whenever she crocheted something with fine wool. Maybe your friend should give that a try.

This is probably quite passive aggressive, but I'd be tempted to ask her on facebook. As its a public forum it might shame her into action?

Is it not possible that she didn't realise how difficult it would be? Maybe she can't do it?

I didn't mean she's ripped other people with things she said she'd make then not doing, but more that she might have done similar things like the ticket you bought and she's not paid you back for, and the clothes she didn't pay you for. There might well be other people she's borrowed a tenner from and not given it back, or agreed to pay things at a later date, taken the items and forgotten to pay, debts she's never got round to settling or it's taken a lot of effort to get her to pay up etc.

In small communities, there are always some people that can get credit on a small scale and those who small businesses/suppliers know from hard experience to insist on cash up front.

Perhaps tell her that you need the shawl and ask when it'll be ready. If she's vague and bemoans her pain, say you'll collect the nearly complete item, pattern and remaining yarn. If she asks, you could say you've someone else lined up to do it. I'm sure someone here may help- there's a crafty topic area. Also ravelry.com or a general search could identify a local knitting and crochet group.

Fyi- even if she is taking it slowly, say limiting herself to 30mins a day, she could still give an estimate of when it'd be complete. And fine yarn wouldn't necessarily break easily, it depends on the yarn but is unlikely. Manufacturers would get too many complaints.

I think you will write off the £80 but get your shawl back. (I suspect she's done a tiny amount and also that she's inexperienced otherwise she'd have known what to expe t when agreeing to the prohrct. If she's made a mess of it, insist on your money back or that she buys replacement yarn.)

Pop in for a cuppa and say:

"Hi Sue, how are you? How are your fingers!? Ooh, that reminds me, whilst I'm here, can I see the shawl please, dying to see how you are getting on? How much longer will it take do you think? I really, really want to wear it for so-and-so's birthday/christening/party at the end of Feb, will it be done by then? If you haven't got time, why don't we call this £40 and you let me have the other £40, and I'll get my friend Pat to finish it in time? When are you next in town? I'll give you a lift and we can stop at the cash point."

You live in a village, so play it carefully,

You could make some invitations to a party, with some sort of theme that would involve shawl wearing, set the date for sometime in feb, in order to give her time to finish, give her invite and make it clear you plan to wear yours.

you either have a fun bring a bottle party with your friends or cancel near the time when you have the shawl.

Don't bother with beating around the bush, just ask for the money back, it's yours, she's the one who should be embarrassed!

Ask for the shawl again by all means but say that if it hurts her fingers that's fine, but you need the money as you can get it made elsewhere.

Actually the shawl party sounds fun, do that!

Hard one, I crochet but never for money (even though people ask me) as I wouldn't want to be under pressure to finish it. I think ask her for the yarns and half finished shawl and a refund for the work not finished.

I refuse to knit on commission because the hourly rate isn't worth it. A full size laceweight crochet shawl could easily be 30+ hours work so she wouldn't be getting anywhere near minimum wage depending on the pattern.

I would ask for a deadline and be specific that you want the shawl fully completed by that date or the partially completed shawl and a partial refund depending on how much is left to be done.

If you then want it completed then be prepared to pay a reasonable market rate if you ask in any of the major craft communities like Ravelry.

For a hand knit full size lace shawl I'd expect something like £300 + materials (depending on complexity, yarn weight and fibre - more for silk than wool), and would take a deposit plus material costs up front with the remainder on completion

The money was for the material which she bought.

How sure are you that she did in fact buy the yarn ?

Are you sure she has purchased enough materials?

A school mum who was crafty and always complaining she had no money, everyone else gets to have days out with kids and I can't etc... she decided to start up a 'business' and got very few comissions so I asked her to make five childrens oilcloth aprons and five childrens personalised tote bags (DD was having a 'baking party' for her birthday). She asked for £10 per apron and £5 per bag, paid upfront. I gave her £75 four weeks before the party and she said they would be ready in two weeks. Three weeks later I asked for the items and got told they were almost done... I asked her on school run and got a mix of 'nearly there', 'will bring them this afternoon'... by the Wednesday her DD was off school and she didn't answer the phone!

In the end I got aprons fron Cath blooming Kidson for £8 each and matching mini bags for £6... so cheaper than the ones she was making!

She never gave me the goods (I don't think she even began making tham/got the materials) and after avoiding me for AGES offered to pay me back at £2 a week. We moved house three months later... I recieved £8 worth of a refund in that time

It's crap that she took your money, OhTheConfusion, but it was always going to work out cheaper to buy ready made.