I've just walked out on DH

[MrsOnTheMove]

DH took dd's to local pub (small village) this evening (7pm)as dd1 friend was going with family for tea. I didn't go as poorly. DH said they would be an hour at most which was fine. They came home at 10.40pm Dd2 was upset as very tired and dd's could clearly see I wasn't happy with DH.

Dd's went to bed and DH kept making comments to puppy (which I ignored) about me being grumpy. I said it was too late for dd's but they could have earlier bedtime tomorrow.

He then proceeded to tell me that dd1 friend mum was very drunk (she doesn't normally go to this pub) and that we had been invited out with dd's next Saturday for dinner. I made no comment as DH is working next sat/sun 2-10pm so knew he'd probably said couldn't make it. He then said dd1 was going for a sleepover on Saturday??? I reminded him dd1 10th birthday is Sunday and I have things planned (not a party as have a surprise booked for may time which she knows of) DH then started a row over the fact that I was being UR with regard to her wishes and she's going. I only said I'd rather her best home for b. day brekkie as sleepovers usually mean tiredness etc. and I have arranged a full day out with dd's and two friends.

DH told me I am Completely ur and to 'f@"k off' and leave. Apparently the only reason reason dd1 didn't mention it to me is 'cos I'm a crap mum and won't let her go! Nothing to do with fact that friend was v. Drunk and I know she'd want her dd at home for b. day.

I said I'd ring friend tomorrow to discuss - he said nothing to discuss dd1 is going as he's st work and 'what exciting, wonderful thing had I got planned'

So for first time ever Instead of getting upset I got dressed and left.

Don't know what to do?

Hope it's sorted, but the problem lies in that he took two children (presumably under 10) to the pub on a Saturday night & stayed so late.

If the friends mum was so drunk, I'd be surprised if she even remembers the sleep over invite.

Sounds like this is one of those: your version, his version and the truth. He sounds very rude calling you a crap mum and the like and if he does this a lot i'd seriously wonder if he has much respect for you OP and address that first.

He shouldn't have had the kids out so long when he only said an hour, true, he could have text/phoned in case you were worried but perhaps he wanted to give you a break OP since you were poorly and then felt you had a go the moment he got home rather then talk to him? Or he could have been being a drunk arse, we just don't know.

His words to the puppy are very passive aggressive to you but i have a friend who does that to her DH and it's because he gives her 'the silent treatment' as punishment for as long as he chooses (until he has a go) so it's her way of coping.

Hence why often these things are: two versions and the truth. We can all interpret as we see (based on our own experience and that of friends) but we aren't living your life or your partners-we can't be in either of your shoes and don't know how this interaction went in both your eyes and actuality.

As for DD, I'd give her the choice tbh. Take it off both of you. If she really wants to go then make it clear you were only worried she'd be tired the next day to her and your partner, if she still wants then let her go. IF she's tired for her birthday, she'll learn, but she may be absolutely fine.

I'm glad you've gone home, I get why you walked out-for space but also to worry him and possibly punish?-but it really doesn't work.

Take today as it is, I hope your OH apologises for being so rude and calling you a crap-you need to talk about these things, especially if he often belittles you like this, it's disrespectful- and give your DD the choice if the offer is still on the table from the mum, which it may not be.

FairhairedandFrustrated I'd be interested to know the DDs ages too, purely because the pubs here won't allow children under 12 after 9pm even with an adult.

That depends on the pub Mia

My brother lives in a rural village and they don't throw the kids out at 9pm, as long as they're quiet and well behaved.

Reading the OP though, it's like mobile phones never happened!

Ah right, WorraLiberty, I live in Greater London and it's pretty much stamped up everywhere in poster form around all the pubs here- i thought it was illegal or something.

Your mistake was having a serious conversation when both not well/ sober

I'm in 'rural NI' (read the arsehole of nowhere) and our pubs def don't allow kids there after 9pm.

I assumed they were both under 10 as its dd1s 10th birthday?

not a party as have a surprise booked for may time which she knows of

This may sound terribly pedantic but how can you have a surprise planned if she knows about it?