to get slightly irked by DP's close female pal?

[racetobed]

DP and I get on great, we love each other, are moving in together shortly. I am very happy and I trust him. Currently we spend 3 nights a week together. However, i tend to be in on my own the other 4 nights as I have dc (whom, incidentally, he adores). I don't have many friends here myself, as I moved back home to be near my parents when i became lone parent.

My issue is that DP's best friend is female. I have met her, and find her agreeable enough, just a tad overbearing. She has a boyfriend. I know nothing will ever happen between them, but still, it hurts when I am spending Friday night alone with a sleeping dc and he is out for a meal with her (they tend to go out for food, rather than the pub as she's teetotal and he's not a big drinker either).

Once we live together, it will be easier for us to all hang out together, but until then, it gets on my nerves. The fact is, I wouldn't feel like this if he was out with another bloke. It irks me that he has to hang out once a week with another woman - albeit an attached one. Yet as I say, i trust him, I feel very secure in his love for me and happy in our relationship. I am hoping to make more friends myself once we live together as he lives in a bigger city where there's more to do, but i wonder - would he like it if i was hanging round with another bloke? I do have male friends, but truth be told there's always been some sexual shenanigans at some point. Perhaps he's just more mature than me. ANyway. Given his reassurance and all-round greatness, adn the fact she's got a boyfriend anyway, i'm BU, aren't I?

I can see your point, op, especially when you were sick. When you live with him, will he still be going out every Friday to be with her? I guess you have talked about it? Perhaps it can become a regular Friday dinner at home with her dp instead, or just her? Then you can join in, don't have to worry about a babysitter etc. Or does it have to be private?

Did his other girlfriend finish with him because of it? Does he discuss things with her and not with you and take decisions based on her advice?

Also, will it cause problems with him spending money on this when you are together? Dinners out aren't cheap and if you have discussed your finances and savings etc then it might put your mind at rest on that score. Its up to him what he spends his money on for sure, but if you are saving for something it might become a sore point.

You don't have to 'keep quiet and deal with it' at all - if you're not happy aout something, sweeping it under the carpet is really not the answer!

But I'm with Rilla and others who say it really does not have to be a big deal. DH has two very, very good female friends who go way back. One he did have a dalliance with in the dim and distant past, and the other he went travelling with. Luckily - unsurprisingly, natch - he has amazing taste in women, and I've since become really good friends with both of them, seeing a lot more of them, than he did (we've emigrated so now neither of us sees them! :().

You can turn this to your advantage and make a good, lifelong friend out of it all. Chances are, she's someone you'll have a lot in common with.

Give him the benefit if the doubt, and her a chance, and you'll probably be quids in.