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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok, following from another couple of birthday threads, AIBU to NOT want to put a fiver in a card.....

27 replies

CrapBag · 18/01/2013 17:50

because I buy stuff that looks more expensive, but actually cost me less than a fiver and I stock up?

Two bloody birthdays coming up. One friend is skint and needs the money towards a new cot for her DD so would like money. Other friend has invited 50!! children to her 5 year olds party and doesn't want loads of presents so would like a fiver in a card.

We don't have much money at all at the moment and have other things coming up that need paying out on. I don't want to contribute money because if I can get away with it, I don't spend a fiver (close friends different obviously) but 1 is a 1 year old who knows no different and I was planning on a couple of books that I have stashed in the cupboard and the other one (for 50) is a girl that my DS doens't even see (or like) anymore. I am friends with her mum but the children don't see each other but she is still inviting every tom dick and harry to the party.

Shall I suck it up and give them the money they want or stick to my plan of spending nothing and using whats in my cupboard?

I am not opposed to giving money at all btw. Just finances at the moment, but then 1 friend needs money towards a cot and another doens't want silly amounts of presents.

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 18/01/2013 18:03

I would give what you planned if you wish to give but would think my friends were very rude if they demanded a present and specified what it should be. If one cant afford the basis for her child then she needs to increase her income not ask people to support her lifestyle choices.

KindleMum · 18/01/2013 18:03

I've read and posted on the other threads and I don't see anything wrong with what you do. I spend very little on party gifts usually, by using Book People and regifting duplicate gifts.

Surely everyone should give what they want to and can? No-one should be bankrupting themselves on gifts and a party invite does not come with an entrance fee. I might spend more on a close friend of the kids' but them again, I'd still try for a bargain. I have a £50 Playmobil set in the cupboard at the mo that I got for £12 in the Boots sale last week and I haven't decided if it goes to DS or becomes a gift for his very best friend. Or I might give it to a friend who has a very low budget and an SEN child. She never has time to find bargains and she needs them so sometimes I shop for her.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Buy what you want, enjoy getting a bargain. I worry more over trying to find something at the right age level as I'm dreadful at guessing that than I do about what I spend.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 18/01/2013 18:05

They should be greatful for whatever. Use the presents you've got.

And using a child's birthday money for a new cot isn't really on anyway.....!!

KindleMum · 18/01/2013 18:07

Meant to say, asking for anything specific is rude, whether it's money or a particular toy. I would never teach my kids to do that. I always think of few things prior to birthdays and Xmas so that when clueless people ask what to get them, I can point them in the right direction (MIL, I do mean you!) but I would never dream of asking and even when asked I only say it's a suggestion, not a "you must get".

She should have just said please don't bother with a gift, DD will be getting too much as it is or it's too soon after Xmas.

Some people must be raising very grabby children.

ENormaSnob · 18/01/2013 18:09

I don't think anyone should be requesting cash for a kids party tbh.

LadyFace · 18/01/2013 18:12

Yanbu. Give them what you had planned to give. I am gobsmacked that people are asking for cash for a five year old! What next? Gift lists at John Lewis?!

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 18/01/2013 18:16

Someone is having 50 children to a party and requesting they each put a fiver in a card? Shock

By my reckoning that's £250 - FFS, what is the world coming to?

I would give what you were already going to give a cheap present and leave it at that.

It almost sounds as if they are trying to make money out of their dc birthday.

Meh

TheCrackFox · 18/01/2013 18:31

The first friend should buy a new cot from EBay/Gumtree and learn to live within her means. (if she can't afford a cot she clearly can't afford a b'day party)

2nd friend should have requested "no presents" if she already has too much plastic tat.

You should just give them the perfectly fine presents you have already stockpiled.

Cheeky fuckers, the pair of them.

fluffywhitekittens · 18/01/2013 18:36

Where do you live Crapbag I have a very cheap cot and mattress your friend could buy :)

fluffywhitekittens · 18/01/2013 18:37

And yes, give them the presents you have

UC · 18/01/2013 18:39

Personally I wouldn't even go to the second party for 50 - your DS doesn't see or like the birthday child, so why accept the invitation?

bran · 18/01/2013 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cakebar · 18/01/2013 18:46

Yes, I would say don't bother with the party for the second child, you obviously don't like them!

The first one, I probably would give the £5.

SminkoPinko · 18/01/2013 18:47

Use the cupboard gifts. Or just blow them out, the cheeky fuckers!

Molehillmountain · 18/01/2013 18:53

Beyond cheeky. The only possible way it could approach being reasonable to ask for cash is if you did a collection for say a pound per person so saving everyone money and giving the birthday child one bigger gift. But I could never be the one to suggest it. I have a present drawer with a variety of gifts suitable for different ages and select from there. None cost more than a fiver, some much less although all are generally at least a fiver full price. I assume that others do similar and so the collection thing wouldn't work. Apart from it being rude.

fuzzpig · 18/01/2013 18:54

Asking for money for a child's birthday is just Shock

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 18/01/2013 18:59

I just posted about being asked for money. Personally it doesn't bother me as long as the invites don't demand money - so it's only when I ask the parents they tell me. And they don't tell me how much, so if I'm feeling flush Incan put

QOD · 18/01/2013 19:01

I know how you feel. I've stocked up on different make up bags and toiletries in the Boots sale for DD's friends thru the year, they look like they cost £7:50to £10 but cost me £2 or £3
One friends dd asked for money .... Grrrrrr

countrykitten · 18/01/2013 19:02

Gosh - your friend is very rude. I do find the whole culture of asking for money in this way unbelievably tasteless - I have had wedding invitations with the same thing and I find that very tasteless too. But for a child's birthday...horrible.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 18/01/2013 19:02

I just posted about being asked for money. Personally it doesn't bother me as long as the invites don't demand money - so it's only when I ask the parents they tell me. And they don't tell me how much, so if I'm feeling flush I can put in more and on a bad week only put in a couple of pound.

I can see why money would be better than getting loads of little toys, the birthday child can then choose a big gift that they're more likely to play with.

DS1 asked for money for his last birthday as he wanted a (second hand) 3DS. That was from family and close friends though, if that makes a difference.

CloudsAndTrees · 18/01/2013 19:02

Just don't go to the party. Its rude to specify what you want for a present unless asked.

BackforGood · 18/01/2013 19:04

I would avoid a birthday party to which 50 - yup, I had to go back and read it 3 times myself - dcs had been invited, like the plague, so that's saved you a fiver.

As a general principle, like you, KindleMum and others, I've always had a 'present box' where I stock up on bargains, then give them to my dc to take as presents for parties. I thought that's what every sensible parent did.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 18/01/2013 19:04

Excuse my first unfinished post, my phone is annoying!

DoodlesNoodles · 18/01/2013 19:07

Give them what you planned.

Are you sure your DS should go to the party of a girl he doesn't like?

KindleMum · 18/01/2013 19:44

Question just occured to me - triggered by Venus and the idea that your child should be justifying its place at the party by the size of the present - I teach DS that if he goes to someone's party he has to invite them to his. Only if he has one of course, I don't feel obliged, it's not adults and dinner parties!

But when he gets invited to the party of a child he doesn't like but wants to go to the party, I remind him he has to invite them to his in that case, which makes him pause - though he usually goes anyway! Is this the norm or am I out of touch?

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