To be annoyed at DP for this?

[ExpectingMayBaby13]

I'm feeling a bit rubbishy about my body at the moment because it's obviously changing. Discussed this with DP, he says it doesn't make a difference to him. Pre-pregnancy we probably had sex about twice a week (I would have loved to have it more but he has a lower sex drive than me (or so he says). We've been trying to keep up an active sex life, but due to me being tired and going to bed early, it's been difficult.

I have said on numerous occasions to DP to come for an early night then he can always go back downstairs after we have some fun (sorry TMI I know but I'm trying to expplain the situation best I can) but every time he has stayed downstairs playing on the computer with our mutual friend (he's round quite a lot!!), then come to bed late when I am already asleep. So this happened last night as well, then this morning I asked if I could borrow his phone to check my emails before work (my phone doesn't have internet and couldn't be bothered to fire laptop up just to check emails) and when I opened the internet browser it pops up with a porn site. I closed the site, thinking it was maybe a pop up and giving him the benefit of the doubt, but the other 3 pages that were open were all porn videos from the same website (so obviously not just a pop up!!). My issue here is that I wanted to have sex the night before, yet he didn't want to (I presumed he wasn't in the mood) yet he is quite happy to jerk off to other women on porn on his phone when I'm asleep in bed?!?!

Before I get an onslaught of people saying I shouldn't have been snooping - I simply opened the internet and the page was left open - I wouldn't even know how to check history or anything on his phone!

It just makes me feel physically sick to think of him doing that looking at other women after refusing to do anything with me :( When I asked him about it this morning he didn't really say anything he just went to work, and I don't want to ring him about it at work as it will only cause an argument over the phone, so gonna wait til he gets home to ask him about it properly, but I just wanna know if you think I'm being unreasonable to be pissed off at this?

You need to be totally honest with each other I think. I can understand why you would be upset about the situation so you do need a discussion about how you feel overall.

You will get a lot of responses from people who are extremely anti porn and IMO it would be best to take those with a pinch of salt. I don't have a real issue with porn personally, but I'm saying this because I don't think the issues you're having with your DP are actually about porn at all. You discovering this has just given you something to focus on in order to bring the subject of your sex life up.

My advice would be to have a calm discussion and not go on the attack (not that I'm saying you would!). This is a conversation you need to have about how you feel in your relationship, not specifically about the usage of porn.

I think YANBU.

YANBU and I'm not wild about porn either after discovering DH was doing something similar; he shut down and wouldn't communicate but would spend hours downstairs watching all sorts.

Has he always done this, did you know about it before hand? If this has always been a feature of the relationship then that's one thing, but if it's a fairly new development that you knew nothing about I'm not surprised you're pissed off. Especially when you're pregnant, it's not great for the self esteem, is it?

YANBU. Do you know if he was looking at porn before the pregnancy?

I'm not really sure, he probably was though as quite of a lot of our group of friends are males who share the viewpoint that "every bloke watches porn" which I don't think is right, but that's a different issue..

I have the view that I don't have a problem with people watching porn, but when in a loving relationship when you can have sex whenever you like, I don't see the need for getting off to another woman.

I know of one other time when he has definately watched it 'cause he left it on the laptop (honestly you'd think he'd learn to cover his tracks a bit better) but that was when I was "on" so I wasn't really bothered (needs must and all that).

I just fee like I might be oversensetive about the situation because I'm pregnant, hormonal and have very low self esteem anyway. Becuase of past experiences, I view sex more of an expression of love (obviously sometimes it's more animalistic) and not something to be taken lightly.He knows this - he knows bits of why I have such low self esteem and stuff and I just feel that he has completely disrespected this in choosing to do what he did instead of coming to bed with me. It's made me feel rejected, hurt, and quite frankly self conscious of my body after he's watched these beautiful women perfect in bed!!