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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to do this drop off?

25 replies

1991all · 16/01/2013 16:38

To help out another mum with childcare, I have dropped off her son at an after school club a couple of times.
It's not really out of my way, but today they have told me I can't park outside, so will have to park round the corner and walk along v busy road.
My own DS is really overexcited after school and we are having a few discipline issues and I really can't cope with both of them. I was nearly crying today

I also have a lot of problems with dh at the moment, so stressed out

I don't know how to explain all this to the other mum without sounding pathetic.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 16/01/2013 16:41

Do not worry about sounding pathetic.
Explain it to her just as you have to us.
I have no doubt she will understand.
Sometimes we just can't be the saint and do EVERYTHING.
Take care of you and yours and don't worry about what anyone else thinks.

ToeCap · 16/01/2013 16:41

Poor you. I think just be honest, say it was fine before when you could park outside and dash in, but now you need to go somewhere to park and walk along etc, and you are finding it difficult with both children now. And sorry you won't be able to do it anymore.

AgentProvocateur · 16/01/2013 16:44

When you say "walk along a busy road", do you mean there's no pavement? If so, I can see how it would be difficult, and you'll just need to tell your friend.

If there is a pavement, I can't really see how you can tell her without sounding pathetic. It's not our your way, and presumably you had to park before.

AgentProvocateur · 16/01/2013 16:45

Out your way - sorry.

Original poster

1991all · 16/01/2013 17:02

It's just a very tricky part of the road
Theres a very narrow pavement
I wouldn't walk it with just my DS

Previously I parked in the schools carpark, so safe
But now I can't

I don't want to have to go into details with her as to why I can't deal/cope with it right now, it's personal
I don't know her that well

OP posts:

NeverQuiteSure · 16/01/2013 17:06

Did you have to get your own DS out of the car when you could pull up outside? And is your DS old enough to get himself into and out of his car seat/seatbelt? Both make a difference to how 'pathetic' you will sound.

If your own DS is fairly young I do not think you will sound at all pathetic. You could always phrase it in terms of 'DS is taking a while to get back into the swing of things this term and is a nightmare after school and I'm struggling to get both DS and your son to hold my hands and walk nicely to the after school club' if you are able to offer to take her son again once you have your own DS's issues a bit better controlled then you could offer to do that.

NeverQuiteSure · 16/01/2013 17:07

Ooops, x-post. Yes I think there is a difference between being able to park in a 'safe' car park and having to walk along a narrow pavement on a busy road. YANBU.

RedHelenB · 16/01/2013 17:21

I think YAB abit U. There may come a time when you really need a favour but if you really can't cope then you can't & you should be honest about it.

AndABigBirdInaPearTree · 16/01/2013 17:25

It is ok to just say that it isn't working out with you right now and if things change you'd be happy to help out again but for now you won't be able to do it after....

No need to explain why. If pressed tell her that you have issues going on and you need to concentrate on those.

Original poster

1991all · 16/01/2013 17:36

Yes, when I parked outside my DS could stay in the car
They are reception, 4 & 5

OP posts:

SoldeInvierno · 16/01/2013 17:39

Just tell her like you've told us. If she doesn't understand, then she is BU. You did her the favour while you could. Now you can't any more and that's it.

DoItToJulia · 16/01/2013 17:53

YANBU at all. Circumstances have changed and you are no longer in a position to help.

It may be an awkward conversation of you don't want to go into detail (which I don't think you have to, it's up to you why you don't want to/can't do it anymore) but you will feel better once you have told her.

Good luck

inmylife · 16/01/2013 18:05

YANBU at all. There's a huge difference between pulling into a car park and walking a couple of feet into a building to drop off the child and having to look for a parking spot (may not always be easy to find) walk a distance along a busy road with 2 small children and then walk back to the car with your own child. I'd give a week's notice so she can make other arrangements, but then she would BU not to understand and accept.

BalloonSlayer · 16/01/2013 18:11

when I parked outside my DS could stay in the car

So, your DS doesn't even go to this after school club? It's not as if you are taking your DS and being asked to drop another child off as well - you are actually doing a drop off you wouldn't have to do at all.

YANBU at all.

Haughtyculture · 16/01/2013 18:13

You don't owe her any explanations. You've been doing her a favour.

Just tell her the next time she asks that you won't be able to do it that day.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 16/01/2013 18:17

You've helped her out a couple of times. Now it doesn't work for you. You were doing her a favour, now it's not possible. Don't be apologetic or mumble excuses, she could be disappointed but f she's going to be hostile about it she will be, adults don't always get their own way. She wasn't embarrassed to ask, so don't be embarrassed to say you can't do it any more.

Original poster

1991all · 16/01/2013 18:18

My DS doesn't go
If I was taking him anyway I think I would be unreasonable, since her son isn't any trouble!!

OP posts:

maddening · 16/01/2013 18:35

Could she walk to where you are.parked and walk her son back herself?

maddening · 16/01/2013 18:36

Sorry misunderstood - could someone from the club walk out to get him from the car?

Molehillmountain · 16/01/2013 19:35

It doesn't really matter whether it should be easy or not. You've been doing a favour and its now not convenient.

oneforthemoney · 16/01/2013 19:39

It seems strange that there isnt somethi g in place to get dc from school to after school club. How do other people get them there? Its absolutrly not your problem
and yanbu, just wondered if you coild offer her an alternative if she asks again.

Viviennemary · 16/01/2013 19:45

I agree that you should just say you can't manage it as you can't park outside the place. Really you have been kind doing this favour and you shouldn't have to come up with a string of reasons why you can't. I think it's unfair you have been put in this position.

Original poster

1991all · 16/01/2013 20:16

The after school club is run by old nursery, it is separate from the school
They can't spare anyone to come out and get him

I know it's not my issue really, but I just feel bad
She has been juggling childcare

OP posts:

DeafLeopard · 16/01/2013 20:45

You don't know her that well? So she is not really a good friend.

And your DS doesn't go to the ASC ? So you are not doing the journey anyway.

YANBU at all unreasonable to stop - you are putting yourself out, and causing yourself stress to help out someone you don't really know. Knock it on the head and don't feel bad.

AgentProvocateur · 16/01/2013 21:24

I posted earlier, suggesting YWB a bit U, but now that you've explained that you have to get two children out the car, when you didn't before, I think it's fair enough to tell her you can't do it, and not at all pathetic. You do sound like a lovely friend.

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