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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

advice he's a liar

10 replies

Tuzz · 16/01/2013 02:01

I feel so vulnerable. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and he's lied about being at work late when he's out drinking. He's only just back now. I don't think I can have this baby on my own but I how can I trust him if he lies. I want to go to my mum's.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/01/2013 02:05

Then go to your mums.

You dont have to make a decision now. Go to hers, have some time to yourself and tell him exactly why you are there. Tell him you are considering your future with based on his lies. Does he lie alot, does he go out drinking alot? Is there history of bad behaviour?

And you can do it alone, I did, and loads of other MNers did. Many are pregnant and alone on the boards right now. How hard would it be to do it with him, when he has been out drinking and you are up all night with the baby, getting no help because he is either out, pissed or hungover?

Worth thinking about.

Take care xx

Greensleeves · 16/01/2013 02:06

Oh you poor love Sad

Stay out of his way for now if he's been drinking and you are angry and upset. Can you get some sleep and then go to your mum's in the morning? Will you be able to sit and have a chat (and a hug) with your mum?

Being lied to is horrible, and especially so when you are about to have a baby. Don't be rushed into anything by him, you need to clear your head and chat to someone outside the relationship first. If you can get to your mums it sounds like a good idea to me, but I hope you can get some rest first x

Bogeyface · 16/01/2013 02:07

But, just a word to the wise. Dont have it out with him now. If he has been drinking you shouldnt discuss this now, he could react badly and you need to keep yourself safe.

Wait until he has gone to work tomorrow and go then, write him an email if you dont want to ring him, but keep safe. xxx

Bogeyface · 16/01/2013 02:07

X post with Green, as she says, stay out of his way.

ArtsMumma · 16/01/2013 02:08

You need to talk to him. When he is sober. Ask him why he felt he couldn't tell you where he was going and say that you are worried about the fact he lied rather than worried about where he went. Unless his drinking is becoming a problem, in which case its probably a much bigger issue.

I would be livid and I would be so tempted to go to my Mum's too! It's probably best you try to talk it out, you don't need the stress of dragging this out with baby due so soon. I really hope this is just a blip (men often freak out at this stage and maybe he regrets this and feels crap too) and that things get sorted. If they don't and you feel you are being treated badly or feel he is being unreasonable in other ways, then you should know that you CAN have the baby on your own. You need to think carefully about what would be best for your baby and you.

((hugs))

Original poster
Tuzz · 16/01/2013 02:08

I'm abroad. Can't get to my mum's is hard - I can't fly. We just moved, all my friends are in London.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/01/2013 02:11

Oh bugger :(

Where are you? Is the train an option? You could do Europe on the train and be back in the UK by Thursday.

Bogeyface · 16/01/2013 02:13

If you really cant get back then I would be having strong words tomorrow, making it clear that his lies are totally unacceptable. DO NOT tell him that you and the baby may return to the UK because depending on where in the world you are, he may be able to stop you, I believe Australia is one of the countries that does this.

If you do want to leave after the baby comes then book a "holiday" to your mums and dont go back.

Greensleeves · 16/01/2013 02:15

Oh bugger, didn't realise you were abroad. You must feel very alone, knowing that he is lying to you Sad. You're not alone though. You can phone your mum tomorrow, and contact your friends, and get some support from them even though they're not with you. And we are here as well.

Is the lying an ongoing issue? Have you argued about it before, and is the relationship difficult in other ways? If this is part of a wider context of him making you unhappy, then I would be thinking about leaving as soon as practically possible and getting home to your friends and family. But for now you have to care for yourself as your mum would care for you if she was there. Sod him, for now. You're about to have a baby - you need good food, good sleep and as little stress as possible. If he can't behave like an adult, I would be detaching myself emotionally from him and looking after myself.

SquinkiesRule · 16/01/2013 03:54

If you are in Europe get the train home if you want to.
If you are determined to leave him go before the baby comes, lots of women don't deliver till 40+ weeks so times to go back by train.

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