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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask parent of child with sn to stay at party

39 replies

stella1w · 15/01/2013 21:20

It,s a whole class, 40 kids, church hall, entertainer party, ages 4 or 5. One child has sn and therefore one on one worker at school. Can i ask her mum/dad to stay, and if so, how?
I don,t know what the sn are.. Motor issues for sure

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/01/2013 21:46

And, what saintly said about getting frazzled after just a couple of hours with a child with complex needs when so many parents are expected to live with it 24/7.

Eve · 15/01/2013 21:51

My comments may make you sad... I was as well, felt I had tried to be inclusive and was then taken advantage of.

Eve · 15/01/2013 21:54

Ref frazzled comments..... A chids birthday party for a few hours frazzles most people completely.

It's not looking after 1 child, it's looking after 10+ of them and then adding any extra care needed on top of that.

NorthernLurker · 15/01/2013 21:56

Starlight - I think tbh that other people's children are always exhausting - SN or NT. A state of exhaustion after a child's party is normal for me Always get a take away those nights!

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/01/2013 21:58

DS has SN and i never left him alone at a party - i would be relieved if i was asked as i always ended up hovering like a loon.

i made myself useful for the most part - lots of kids means supervision is welcome!

if your are worried just have a word with the mum - ask if she is planning on staying as you are a little unsure how to best manage her DC needs.

Christmasberry · 15/01/2013 21:59

My child has one to one at school but wouldn't need help at parties I often leave her and at friends houses, sure she wouldn't get asked back if a problem, all depends on childs needs

pingu2209 · 15/01/2013 22:01

Age 4-5 many parents will stay anyway, especially if it is their eldest.

When my ds2 had a party I asked a boy's father to stay as his son had autism and was difficult to manage. He would walk off or get it in his head he wanted to do something and nothing other than physical restraint would stop him.

I asked the father so stay and he looked quite shocked, not angry, but he really expected to drop off and run.

Eliza22 · 15/01/2013 22:02

If my son (ASD) was invited I always asked if I could stay, as a "mummy helper". There was no way he could get through it otherwise.

As he's gotten older, he's more Aspie now and if he's invited, I go, stay (usually at a distance so as not to embarrass him by my BREATHING!!) and he knows he can stay in any social situation for 20 minutes or 2 hours +. It's up to him and what HE can do, on any given (individual) day.

Original poster

stella1w · 15/01/2013 22:17

Op here. Invites are for whole class. Mother of sn child accepted today. There will be quite a few parents staying, although i hope not all due to space! I have seen a few threads on here about how some kids with sn found certain situations hard.
I saw this child at the nativity play and her worker had her arm around her the whole time.
There will be another child with sn there and i know her mum will stay.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2013 22:51

So there shouldn't be a problem.

Just ask her to stay and tell her other parents are staying too.

Oh and stick one of them on the door with a note pad and pen to take down all the kid's telephone numbers.

You'd be surprised how many parents are willing to dump and run without leaving any contact number at all.

neverputasockinatoaster · 15/01/2013 23:03

DS has an ASD and I usually stay at parties - more because DS needs to know he can leave if it all gets too much.

He recently went to a party alone - I know the mum well and she knows his issues. She had my contact number and had to call me as the noise had gotten too much for him.

You may find the parent will want to stay anyway - if DS doesn't want me around I go and lurk outside/ in the car with a book so I am close at hand!

pigletmania · 15/01/2013 23:09

I agree with Dozy, if they need 1 to 1 at school, they will need the same at a party. I would most certainly not be offended if i was asked to stay with dd (ASD). I would be so made up that she was invited to a party

PariahHairy · 16/01/2013 00:11

I would imagine that if the child needs 1 to 1 care then the parents/a parent will automatically stay, I'm sure they are not stupid, they are unlikely to think that the child will just magically cope if they need support and bugger off to the pub .

janji · 16/01/2013 00:23

I've always invited parents to stay at birthday parties when my children were younger, especially if the venue has enough room to facilitate this. I used to set up a small coffee and cake area where the parents could chat, eat cake etc but still be on hand if any of the dc got out of hand!

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