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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To HATE the perception of 'quiet' people?

71 replies

SugarMouse1 · 15/01/2013 18:07

AIBU to HATE, HATE, HATE it when somebody asks 'why are you so quiet?'.

What is the point in this question?

Especially when its just because you dont scream into peoples faces like others do. Its such an ignorant thing to say, FFS.

I mean I can be making a lot of effort being, polite, freindly etc, and then everything gets ruined by this question, it makes things worse, I never want to talk after someone says something like that.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 15/01/2013 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllYoursBabooshka · 15/01/2013 18:13

I'm quiet too.

I think some people worry that you are being so quiet because there is something wrong/your not enjoying yourself.

Original poster
SugarMouse1 · 15/01/2013 18:15

I know- I WISH there was some way round this- i feel like i'm just banging my head against a brick wall.

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 15/01/2013 18:15

YANBU.

And after they've asked it, everyone looks at you.
The last thing you want!

LetsKateWin · 15/01/2013 18:16

I hate it too.

not everyone has to be a loudmouth

AllYoursBabooshka · 15/01/2013 18:16

Also some people really cannot deal with sitting in silence for more than three seconds and assume everyone else is like them.

They exhaust me, do they ever just think?

vjg13 · 15/01/2013 18:19

YANBU, I always remind the kids how important it is to listen. I'm quiet and like quiet people.

MadBusLady · 15/01/2013 18:19

You need the introvert threads!

ArseyDarcey · 15/01/2013 18:20

I'm another quiet one - my mums the same, she always says i take after her. but we're not quiet with each other Hmm

it also depends what group of people you are with, if it's a big group then i suppose i kind of sit back and listen more as there are usually one or two who like to be centre of a conversation.
if it's only a couple of people i do chat more.

BunFagFreddie · 15/01/2013 18:23

I've always wanted to reply with "Why are you such a twat?" when someone asks me that. I wouldn't though, because I'm too polite.

foxache · 15/01/2013 18:24

Yes, it's usually because I can't get a word in. Or been interrupted in the middle of something several times, and have now given up Hmm

Mostly, I don't have anything to say.

AKissIsNotAContract · 15/01/2013 18:25

People make incorrect assumptions about loud people too: you're loud, therefore you are confident, therefore I can say shitty things to you and you won't take offence.

Some people are just wankers.

thekatsatonthematt · 15/01/2013 18:26

euphemia I was so close to saying exactly that to my inlaws once!!!!

MrsLouisTheroux · 15/01/2013 18:33

Akiss I agree, people assume loud = confident, bossy, outgoing.
IME, some of the quietest people I know are the most confident, self assured,
controlling, opinionated ...

cumfy · 15/01/2013 18:33

I'm an introvert but I think you're over-reacting a little.

You could just tell them why.

EmpressMaud · 15/01/2013 18:34

I was about to suggest the introvert thread too!

I haven't personally been on the receiving end of this comment (I'm very confident but reserved and introverted at the same time) but I don't know how you'd begin to respond to that. Though the temptation to use one of the responses other posters suggested would be great Grin

marjproops · 15/01/2013 18:36

Im the same, I get told Im boring/miserable/somethings wrong.

I cant stand loud noise (misophonia) anyway and why is it when you talk quietly people shout back to you cause they think you're deaf????!!

EmpressMaud · 15/01/2013 18:37

Or you can even find yourself accused of being snobbish (I only overheard this).

reallyyummymummy · 15/01/2013 18:38

I have been asked this question before. Usually by someone who is so loud it defies belief.

TheMouseDancing · 15/01/2013 18:39

Yanbu.

I was going to type a response but I think Euphemia sums it up nicely Grin

pineapplecrush · 15/01/2013 18:39

I was labelled quiet as a child and I remember My Dad returning from a parents evening and telling me the teacher thought I was quiet, he said to me "and what's wrong with being quiet?". Quite. I think people today are louder than they used to be. Everything seems louder. As Allyours says some people cannot bear being silent. The office behind me is like that - they never stop talking drivel. Exhausting it is and definitely not conducive to productivity.

BoundandRebound · 15/01/2013 18:41

Introvert and extrovert is just a personality type. Don't understand why it's ok to attack extroverts for being loud though, not sure they can help it

I was once told that the sign of an extrovert is announcing when you go to the toilet Grin

TheSecondComing · 15/01/2013 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaBear17 · 15/01/2013 18:47

I am the opposite - well, sort of. I wouldn't say I am loud, but when I am in company that I am familiar with I am chatty and will always offer my opinion on something. I'm not confident though. Will spend hours going over conversations in my head worrying that other people might think badly of me because of something I have said. I would never be so rude as to ask a quieter person why they are quiet (it seems like a stupid question to ask tbh) but I wonder if people ask it to deflect attention away from themselves?

TheOriginalNutcracker · 15/01/2013 18:52

YANBU

I am quiet, and because of that people have assumed that I am stuck up, moody, bored or boring.

I don't go around asking loud people 'whats wrong' .