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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for DD to be upset at the lack of photos of herself?

20 replies

ThrowOnYourLouboutins · 14/01/2013 22:27

I've been to visit my mum and I took DD(10) with me, two of her other cousins were there. My mum has four large shelves in the living covered with framed family photos.

The children decided (for whatever reason?) to count how many photos there were of each other. There are 7 cousins in total and I heard them say that there was at least 5 of each of each cousin and only 2 of DD.

My mum didn't hear what they were talking about as, but saw they were interested in the photos and opened the cupboard to get out some family photo albums. My mum has an album of each set of siblings, when my DD looked at her the only photos in there were of her sister.

She hasn't said anything to me but you can tell that she's quite hurt by this. I did say that perhaps her Grandma hadn't had time to finish off the albums etc

is she being too sensitive?

OP posts:

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 14/01/2013 22:30

Have you given her lots of photos?

Lueji · 14/01/2013 22:31

Are there any other issues?

Is she upset, or are you?

Lueji · 14/01/2013 22:32

Is DD the youngest?

NeverQuiteSure · 14/01/2013 22:33

That's quite strange. Why do you think there were no photos in the album?

HollyTheHedgehog · 14/01/2013 22:34

Im not sure but in my grandparents house there is a tiny passport sized one of me and tonnes of big, lovely framed one of my brothers.

But then, my grandmother used to make it quite clear who she did and did not like, I didnt not need photos to tell me.

Still a bit ouchie though.

MegaClutterSlut · 14/01/2013 23:27

no I don't think your DD is being unreasonable imo

DeepRedBetty · 14/01/2013 23:34

No she's not being too sensitive

It's probably just coincidence. My DM has far more photos of DNephew 1 (a desperately longed for only child who arrived when Dsis 1 had given up hope) than of my dds or my other dnephews/nieces. Because Dsis 1 is far more enthusiastic about taking and distributing photos than me or dsis 2 and dsis 3.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 14/01/2013 23:37

:( of course she's not being too sensitive, that's not very nice.

larks35 · 14/01/2013 23:39

Is she younger? Could this be because of the rise of digital photography? Do you send pictures to your mum?

My parents live in the dark ages and the only way I can share my DC with them, when not actually visiting (they live 200miles away), is to print off the cream of the crop of digi-photos we have. Because of this they often have more actual photos of my DC than they do of their other GCs, who live closer. Could this be a factor?

Bless her though, she isn't being unreasonable to feel hurt, but maybe if she is given and explanation then she will feel less so.

OkayHazel · 14/01/2013 23:41

The solution is to give her some.
With digital photography the norm, physical prints don't happen as often. Collect together some lovely ones of your family, lots DD, and lots group shots - then hand them over. 'Thought you might like these Mum...'

Delayingtactic · 14/01/2013 23:42

Who gives the photos? Are the aunts and uncles fairly generous with doling out photos? My mom hasn't got many photos of my son but that's partly because he's a lot younger but also because all our photos are digital so not many get printed out. But I certainly know she dotes on my wee man and loves him very much. My MIL has a digital printer and he's her only grandson so lots and lots of photos of him (my nan in law is also inundated with photos and I do feel a bit bad for her other great grandchildren but that's because MIL gives them to her).

Viviennemary · 14/01/2013 23:47

I don't think she is being oversensitive. But perhaps the other people have just given them more photos than you have. These comparisons are awful but children will pick up on these things.

pigletmania · 14/01/2013 23:49

Mabey you can give some pictures of your dd to your mum to put up and put in her album. Your dd is not being u at all, I would feel the same

chocoluvva · 14/01/2013 23:50

I don't know what to advise MegaClutter, but my MIL has favourite grandchildren too; a fact that hasn't escaped my DC's notice. She said a very hurtful thing to me last year in front of my DCs and was absolutely no help whatsoever the year I had cancer either.

It's such a shame - and so silly of her - but at least I don't feel obliged to make as much effort with her as I used to. I think less of her than I used to but it's sort of been freeing as I don't feel the need to put as muchenergy into pleasing her as I used to.

My DC know that I love them the way they are (hopefully) even if they don't fit their Gran's criteria of acceptibility sometimes. I suppose my DC will be learning that some people are very difficult and can't change, which will hopefully help them to appreciate the valued relationships they have with other people.

steppemum · 14/01/2013 23:52

send her some
my mum puts all photos received up immediately, so there could quickly become unbalanced, except she has a thing about being fair with numbers of photos etc

amillionyears · 14/01/2013 23:55

No she is not being too sensitive.
Do you know the reason yourself why your mum has less photos of your DD?

Original poster

ThrowOnYourLouboutins · 15/01/2013 00:02

I haven't given her many recently. I gave her lots of baby photos though.

And my DD is the middle child of the grandchildren.

The worst part was I had given her a professional school photo (it wasn't in a frame but was in strong cardboard so could stand up by itself) and my mum for whatever reason had taken this photo down and put it face down on top of some books on the shelf.

I know my mum and there would never be a malicious intent behind it. I think the reason is my sister quite fancies herself as a photography and gives my mum loads of photos (she has three children).

I think she was more upset about the photo album.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 15/01/2013 00:05

I would give some more to your mum and mention it to her

amillionyears · 15/01/2013 00:06

I think you are going to need to tell you mum, even though your mum may get upset.
And your mum may feel the need to speak to your DD.

chocoluvva · 15/01/2013 00:11

Oh goodness OP, sorry for making the huge assumption that your mum is like my (very difficult) MIL. - We had the same photo thing at christmas time with her and it really struck a chord.

Your mum doesn't sound like my MIL at all though.

Could you perhaps make a comment to your DD along the lines of, 'Oh dear, I've been forgetting to get my lovely photos of you printed for gran to have ' and take some nice new ones for her?

Flip