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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I will always be this way

23 replies

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 21:49

I'm 30. Since the age of 13 I have suffered from bulimia, sometimes severely but it recent years it has been more binge eating when dealing with difficult emotions. It's been slowly getting worse recently and I've just resigned to the fact that one day it might just kill me off. Never did I think that at 30 years of age I would be still be going through this. It always seems to be after I meet with family members. Everyone deals with stress and apart from my parents I don't have
Any stress in my life. Am I being unreasonable to think I should suck it up And stop feeling so blasted sorry for myself. At its worst I thought about swallowing acid to stop me bingeing as it would damage my throat. I really can't control it.

OP posts:

thebody · 14/01/2013 21:51

Have no experience of this op but know wise ones will come on soon.

Couldn't not reply though and wish you well. There is help out there.

Mintyy · 14/01/2013 21:52

What help have you sought?

Also, you might want to post this in either the General Health or Mental Health topics where you will probably get far more knowledgeable advice/support.

Please please don't think you just need to suck it up!

Original poster

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 21:54

I saw a psychologist in my teenage years and it did help to some extent

OP posts:

BurningBridges · 14/01/2013 22:19

How would you feel about talking to a support group for adults? Can I recommend Anorexia Bulimia Care (ABC) anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

As I understand it, you are always "in recovery" for an eating disorder, not "recovered"

Original poster

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 22:27

Burning bridges - thanks for the information. The phone help lines are now closed. I will call tomorrow.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2013 22:30

Yes YABU to think you'll always be this way if you're 30 and you haven't sought help since you were a teenager.

I'm glad you're going to call that helpline tomorrow.

Good luck

Foggles · 14/01/2013 22:32

No, don't resign yourself to always being that way. I can understand how you feel like that now - I suffered with anorexia/bulimia for 10 years and, at the time, couldn't ever imagine being free.

You mention that you are worse after meeting family members. Well, avoid them!! I'm sorry, but if they are having that effect on you - why are they in your life?

Anorexia/bulimia is about trying to control some aspect of your life. You need to build up your self esteem and take control of other areas of your life. I believe the bulimia will then subside.

I was finally free after I met DH and started to feel good about myself.

AKissIsNotAContract · 14/01/2013 22:34

I'm 31 (today!) and I was bulimic until about 4 years ago. Please get some help, you don't have to be like this forever. I still have my food issues but I've not made myself sick for 4 years. And it feels bloody good to be able to say that.

If your parents are causing you stress then Toxic Parents by Susan Foreward might help you. I cut my dad out of my life last year and it helped enormously.

NeverQuiteSure · 14/01/2013 22:40

YABU if you believe that 'family stress' doesn't count as much as life stress. Amongst my group of friends, family stress is by far the most damaging of all problems.

When you are a teenager, 30 seems so grown up that it seems certain your problems will have washed away by then. I don't think this is the case for most people. However, just because it hasn't gone away, doesn't mean you can't muster all the fight you have to kick it in the arse now.

catwisd · 14/01/2013 22:53

Can you avoid your family while you find out what help is available and get started with it? Please don't give up on yourself, you deserve to be well.

Original poster

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 22:54

I have another thread about my family issues. It's all explained there and there is no chance at all of me stopping contact with parents even though I desperately want to. Even DH is putting pressure on me. I think the main solution is to emigrate but there's no way of that happening!
I will make an appointment tomorrow to see my doctor to get referred for help. I feel myself slowly getting more depressed by the day and I fell that is what has made my dormant bulimia trigger again. Ubstill had episodes of bingeeating but it's worse since the new year.

I cannot change circumstances that cause me stress so I know the only way to deal with it is to change the way I react to it. I don't know how I'm going to do this.

I've been really snappy and moody with DH Lately. I broke down yesterday and told him I've been feeling down.Apart from these 2 issues I have no reason to be. I feel so pissed off with myself.

OP posts:

MidnightMasquerader · 14/01/2013 22:56

I have no experience of eating disorders but can only imagine they are utterly debilitating. To think you can attempt to recover from something like that without some pretty strong support is wishful thinking, I'd have thought.

Seek help. People seek help, rightly, for far, far less.

Good luck.

Original poster

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 22:56

Catwisd- I can avoid family all I want lol!!
But they will end up coming to see me and call everyday even if dont pick up.

OP posts:

Foggles · 14/01/2013 22:57

Good luck OP

Making that appointment with your GP will be the first step in you taking control. You can do it !

MidnightMasquerader · 14/01/2013 22:57

X-posted.

Please don't beat yourself up. Start taking small steps in getting help, and you'll feel more in control.

You can get through this.

Original poster

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 23:04

Catwisd- I can avoid family all I want lol!!
But they will end up coming to see me and call everyday even if dont pick up.

OP posts:

DeepRedBetty · 14/01/2013 23:09

I'm truly sorry for the place you're in right now. My DN is in recovery from anorexia and the one thing I've really picked up on is how much difference being happy has made to her ability to stop herself from wallowing in the self-harm. She was miserable at school and ended up dangerously ill in hospital. She is now in the final year of a college course in a subject she adores and is doing very well - she is top of her year and has been given an unconditional offer of a place to progress to the degree level at Agricultural College. She's put on weight, including around the wrists and the bones of her neck, which are usually the telltale for anorexia, and she's regained the two shoe sizes she lost when the disease was at its peak. Counselling has been good, but love and support have been even better. She's also madly in love with a thoroughly decent young man who returns her affections...

If you can't remove your extended family from your life, you (and dh) need to find ways of managing the stress they are causing.

Good luck, I hope you get through on the phone tomorrow.

Original poster

Babybirdz · 14/01/2013 23:19

Thank you to everyone for your kind words of support. I have tried explaining to DH how I feel but he is dismissive saying I don't have genuine reasons to be " down in the dumps". I don't think I could tell close friends as I'm very embarrassed. Both the depression and the eating issues. I come across as being confident but deep down im just unhappy. I feel guilty for feeling this way when I shouldn't.

OP posts:

DeepRedBetty · 14/01/2013 23:24

It doesn't matter whether the reasons are 'genuine' or not. You're the one feeling them and they feel real to you.

All the best xxx

WillowFae · 14/01/2013 23:31

There are people that can help. I have an eating disorder and I am now in recovery and dealing with my issues. Have a look at Overeaters Anonyomous - www.oagb.org.uk

Fianccetto · 14/01/2013 23:51

Babybirdz, it is understandable to feel down when you don't feel any control over other people's negative influence over you. You can though. You've already started by recognising that if you can't change them and you can change yourself. Also, recognising you need to learn how you can respond is another important step, and going to the doctor is great, it will get the ball rolling for you to get the attention, counselling, and help you need. Well done!
o

Original poster

Babybirdz · 15/01/2013 09:50

I managed to get an early appointment with my gp. She was very sympathetic and said she felt my issues were deep rooted. She has referred me for psychology.there is a 6 month waiting time but I will seek help from the eating disorders helpline in the meantime. I know I'm unable to change others and all I can do is make myself iron clad to others criticisms and they way I deal with them.

OP posts:

kelly14 · 15/01/2013 16:43

I have been suffering with bulimia since after my dd was born ( she is nearly 8) i am nearly 30 and this has plagued me for over 7 years now!

I havnt had a period in over 18months now! i have always been slim (apart from when i ate and ate when pregnant and put on 4 stone, which whos knows might have been a trigger)
I literally cant remember the last time i kept a meal down, it would have been years and years ago and only then due to illness.

My teeth are starting to erode and are see through due to the acid that comes up from your stomach when you purge and i am always tired/cold, and i have been told i now have osteoporosis and regularly break ribs through through vomiting and am in agony!

It has taken over my life and it came out of nowhere as pre child i had never been fussed about weight, but now my life revolves around food.

I am having CBT but have had it before and it hasnt helped, i have numerous books etc but i feel its something will always be with me.

I always think the skinnier i am the happier i will be, but i am slim anyway and have got very skinny and low bmi but it doesnt make anything better, but i live in hope that one day i will be free of this horrible addiction/diasease!

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