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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For feeling patronised?

27 replies

DoItToJulia · 14/01/2013 20:41

I took 9 wo ds to be weighed at the well baby clinic today.

He was weighed and his weight plotted near the 91st percentile. The health visitor then asked me if I was still breastfeeding. I replied yes. She then said exclusively breastfeeding? I replied yes. She said really? I said yes. She then said I want to pat you on the back for doing so well dear.

It doesn't seem so patronising typed out, so I am wondering if I am being hormonal and defensive!?

OP posts:
DeckSwabber · 14/01/2013 20:48

Yes. She was just being nice.

Bellerophon · 14/01/2013 20:49

She might be old fashioned in her views and is congratulating you on doing something which she perceives to be an achievement physically.

It's said with good intention, take it as such.

notMarlene · 14/01/2013 20:50

You gave a newborn so you can't really BU. But, TBH I'd call that supportive rather than patronizing.

SofaKing · 14/01/2013 20:51

A little bit. In her defense only 17% of mothers were still ebf at six weeks in my local area when I had ds1 so perhaps she was just really surprised and pleased, I don't think she meant to sound patronising.

digerd · 14/01/2013 20:52

Take it as it was intended as a compliment from a friendly, nice older woman.

Theicingontop · 14/01/2013 20:56

I had much of the same, I was 20 when I was exclusively breastfeeding my 6mo. Had one nurse who assumed I was bottle feeding and without asking ticked that box. I corrected her and she looked at me as if I was an alien. "Oh. You don't get many young mums who breastfeed" I think I was more annoyed at being referred to as a young mum at the time. No idea why. Hormones eh?

She was just being nice Smile

Babygruffalosmum · 14/01/2013 21:04

I got the same! Well I still get the same. Truthfully I love it Blush I feel really proud of myself as I struggled with breast thrush but stuck it out. To be honest I feel proud of my breastfeeding anyway, it's a hard thing to do. So take it as the praise it was intended to be. My girl is in the 75th centile! It's very sweet Grin

Original poster
DoItToJulia · 14/01/2013 21:28

Ha! Ok, hormonal it is then!

OP posts:
PickledInAPearTree · 14/01/2013 21:30

Some are just a bit old school.

Mine was nice & slightly useless a d kept shouting at me to give him mince n onions and called me a good girl. (At 36)

DoJo · 14/01/2013 22:01

People said that to me all the time - I never felt patronised, although I did wonder if they thought that I was somehow working hareder at it in a way that mothers of smaller babies weren't. I think it's more a demonstration of the fact that they appreciate that it isn't always easy, so if your baby has got to a decent weight from breastfeeding alone it means you're probably devoting quite a lot of time to it and powering through the harder times.

Jengnr · 14/01/2013 22:03

No. It's patronising.

mamamibbo · 14/01/2013 22:11

"you must have the full fat stuff in there" haha friggin ha 98th centile here, really pisses me off

TraineeBabyCatcher · 14/01/2013 22:23

I think she was probably just trying to praise you but it came out in the wrong way.

Theicingontop I have had previous convosations similar to that.
I like to smugly say yes yes, I DID breastfeed, at 15, exclusively for 4 months.
I also sat 10 gcses and got mostly As, and some Bs, and now I'm doing a degree

Yfronts · 14/01/2013 22:27

I think you do deserve a big pat on the back! don't take offence thpough.

larks35 · 14/01/2013 22:37

I was told I had "Jersey cream" in my boobs because DS leaped from 25th at birth to 50th percentile in 3 weeks. I felt well proud. (I always respond well to praise even when it is slightly patronising and kind of underserved)

Original poster
DoItToJulia · 15/01/2013 02:39

Thanks all!

I think I may just have an aversion to these clinics...somehow they make me feel like weight is the barometer of your all round parenting skills.

Wow to the TraineeBabyCatcher managing GCSEs and all that jazz with a baby!

And full fat stuff that would have pissed me right off too.

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 15/01/2013 04:37

Yes she was trying to be nice. I was told on weight day for Ds 1 that size doesn't matter does it! Ds was huge, I was tiny and flat chested even when nursing. He gained weight by age 2 days and doubled his birth weight by 6 weeks. I think I had enough to feed triplets.

curiousuze · 15/01/2013 04:51

YABU but I understand! I get the same thing when my son gets weighed. I don't find it patronising so much as undeserved - all I'm doing is shoving a boob in his mouth when he needs it...

GordonsAlive · 15/01/2013 05:12

When dd was 18lb at 17 weeks my hv patted me on the arm and said "do you feel drained dear?" Hmm

curiousuze · 15/01/2013 05:19

Grin Gordonsalive - I can definitely feel the calories draining out of my body when I feed ds though! Could eat a horse between two bread vans!

akaemmafrost · 15/01/2013 05:46

I had one say "oh you ARE brave!" when I told her I was still exclusively BF dd at 5 months. I hadn't realised at BF was a matter of courage Hmm.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 15/01/2013 06:09

YA all BU to get offended by well meaning hvs praising you for breastfeeding/growing big babies etc. It's a huge achievement so take a compliment where it's due.

(I was very proud to be praised for bfing my beautiful babies, as it was hard to start with, incredibly painful and draining, and lots of my friends gave up as they couldn't deal with the pain.)

BrittaPerry · 15/01/2013 06:20

I got this. It was extra confusng because I happened to find bf very easy. Dd1 was difficult to get started (she was a bit prem) but once we were going, it was the easiest option. Why would I get p in the night to make bottles when I didn't have to?

But then I got told off for my five year old still wetting herself.

I've basically given up on midwives/health visitors

Original poster
DoItToJulia · 15/01/2013 08:00

I thinks it's also the surprise/disbelief....and then I feel the need to prove it. No, I really really am breastfeeding him, honest!

OP posts:
BrittaPerry · 15/01/2013 11:47

Also, it is the implication that you don't LOOK like the 'breastfeeding type'.

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