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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it Unreasonable to bite your kids back?

255 replies

AnneNonimous · 14/01/2013 16:10

When they bite you? Or more to the point a baby?

DS is almost ten months and has discovered biting people. He has almost 5 teeth so it's painful, and he favours the boobs or face but will pretty much go for anywhere. It REALLY does hurt. A couple of times it's hurt so much I've screamed out and scared him so he's cried, but it hasn't stopped him. I've also given him teething rings or something else to chew on, told him 'no' in a firm voice everytime but to no avail - he won't stop.

Anyone I mention it to tell me to bite him back - not hard but so he understands what biting is. I can't quite bring myself to do it but I have to admit I've been close when he's really hurt me! Is it what you would do/ have done? I can't quite believe a 10 month old could learn a lesson that way I just don't know?

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 14/01/2013 18:23

Oh pack it up, of course nipping a child back and explaining that when they do that it hurts isn't abusive.

bedmonster · 14/01/2013 18:25

Why would some posters not yelp with pain? It bloody hurts when you're bitten. My nephews was a biter and sil never let on she was in pain. At 3 he bit me. I bloody well screamed in pain and told him it was unacceptable.
Sil had always maintained he had never bitten anyone else and dvd didn't react as she didn't want to alarm him. FFS.

On the other hand, someone else I know did bite their ds when he bit him. He never bit anyone else again.

perceptionreality · 14/01/2013 18:26

I disagree - I think biting or nipping a child is abusive.

ClippedPhoenix · 14/01/2013 18:28

abusive is a pretty loaded word perception and really gets used far too much which takes away the real meaning of it i find.

thebody · 14/01/2013 18:28

I don't know why so many posters are horrified at the advice? I was told to do this too with my kids but didn't.

It's very very commen to be told this by older relatives op.

What I would do with your baby as he's so young is to immediately say 'no' put him in his cot and leave him for a short while, no attention.

Older toddler say over 2 half personally I would be more worried and be a lot more fierce. It might even be the very very few times I would smack. Not beat before flaming just one sharp smack.

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 14/01/2013 18:29

I think it was common advice some years back, I definately remember friends doing it to their children, DD was never a biter so I never had to tackle it. DS now four has taken a few chunks out of me in the past, it bloody hurts, I think I was just very firm with a no. I do remember him making the end of DHs nose bleed after he sunk his teeth in it, happy days

Hulababy · 14/01/2013 18:30

"A little nip back and stating that biting hurts is a very logical thing to do. "

I disagree. It is totally illogical to me, especially when all research shows that a 10 month old baby has no concept of cause and effect, and would therefore be incapable of realising that mummy is biting here to "teach her a lesson."

perceptionreality · 14/01/2013 18:30

I think it's true that years ago what was seen as acceptable discipline was very different to today. There was a perpetuated idea that the ends justifies the means. ie, if you stop a child doing something then it doesn't matter how you reached that end. Not something I agree with at all tbh.

snowybrrr · 14/01/2013 18:31

'I disagree - I think biting or nipping a child is abusive'
..and illegal

ClippedPhoenix · 14/01/2013 18:32

It reminds me of the rhyme about the boy who cried wolf.

perceptionreality · 14/01/2013 18:34

'abusive is a pretty loaded word perception and really gets used far too much which takes away the real meaning of it i find.'

Well, that's what I think. I think biting or nipping anyone, whether a child or an adult is totally indefensible and wrong. If you are trying to hurt your child to teach them a lesson, then yes I do think that is abusive. Nothing 'loaded' about it.

Moominsarescary · 14/01/2013 18:34

I was told to do it with ds1 who is 18 now. I didn't, however he did stop biting after his friend decided he'd had enough and bit him back all over his back

sherbetpips · 14/01/2013 18:36

Baby no way. Three year old well......

PickledInAPearTree · 14/01/2013 18:37

It was only last year I was getting advised to do it.

LOADS of people too.

QuietNinjaTardis · 14/01/2013 18:38

I was bitten by my mum when I was a kid. Quite a bit older than 10 months though. I cannot remember biting my sister but I can damn well still remember my mum biting me.
I don't agree with hurting a child to get your point across. My mum tells me I should smack ds and also jog his arm when he's got his finger up his nose so it hurts him and stuff like that Hmm she doesn't really understand where I'm coming from when I say I don't want to do it.

splashymcsplash · 14/01/2013 18:39

Absolutely nuts advice.

If a healthcare profession saw bite marks on your baby there would be serious repercussions. It is abusive.

ClippedPhoenix · 14/01/2013 18:39

I disagree with you perception. For me it's not about "teaching a lesson" it's about showing a child that it hurts to bite and one way of doing that is to show them by the same action they have just performed. To use the word "abuse" is rather OTT in my opinion.

MooMooSkit · 14/01/2013 18:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ClippedPhoenix · 14/01/2013 18:40

What's this about bite marks? no one said about taking things to extremes here. nutters Grin

Moominsarescary · 14/01/2013 18:40

Ds3 bit me for the first time the other day, he's 21 months. I couldn't stop myself yelping it bloody hurt. Dont know who was more shocked, me or him!

Greensleeves · 14/01/2013 18:41

Of course it's abusive. It's a physical assault on a small child with the intention of causing pain

people who do this know it's despicable and they don't care.

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere · 14/01/2013 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CatchTheFox · 14/01/2013 18:41

but can't you just TELL them that it hurts to bite?

perceptionreality · 14/01/2013 18:43

But if you apply that logic to other scenarios then it still makes no sense.

You broke my X, I'll break your toys
You had a massive tantrum, I'll have one - show you what it sounds like

I think that what is more confusing for a child than anything else is their parent doing something that they are specifically being told not to do.

So it then becomes a case of 'don't do as I do, do as I say'

perceptionreality · 14/01/2013 18:46

Buddha, please stop - please?