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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be envious of my friend & my SIL?

15 replies

MrsAceRimmer · 14/01/2013 13:39

Both of them are pregnant, SIL with DC1, friend with no3. DH and I have two lovely DCs already, but I would love another and he doesn't.
I'm unreservedly happy for both of them, but I feel a bit sadbecause I really want to be pregnant and have another child.
DH is fairly adamant that 2 is quite enough and why would I want to do that again? I had 2 horrid pregnancies (SPD, hyperemesis, pre eclampsia) and have always said no more.
I'm delighted to become an Auntie Smile and my friend has had 2 or 3 miscarriages, so it's even better her pregnancy is going well, but I want to cry.
I know I'm probably almost certainly BU.

OP posts:
Sleepysand · 14/01/2013 13:49

No, you are not. I feel like that sometimes and I am 48. I bet it is your hormones anyway. ducks for cover

There is an issue between you and DH though that needs serious thought.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 14/01/2013 13:51

YANBU. You're bound to feel slightly envious when women you know get pregnant.
I've got 3 gorgeous ds, I know how lucky I am but I always feel envy/jealousy when a friend has a baby girl.
You're not the only one.

MrsLyman · 14/01/2013 13:53

I can let you borrow my baby over night, followed by my toddler tomorrow if you would like some hands on practical insight into why your husband is right Wink

Sleepysand · 14/01/2013 13:57

I have 4 and honestly it is far more than double the work of 2. Mine are all boys, but I never much wanted a DD.

Original poster
MrsAceRimmer · 14/01/2013 14:00

Thank you for not flaming me Smile
DH has always said he didn't want more than 2, which is fair enough. I don't think we have an issue with that - I think maybe I want the snuggly newborn bit without the rest of it.
DS is nearly 5 and DD is nearly 2, so I'm betting it is my hormones as I got like this when DS was about 2 (and there is 3yrs 3weeks between mine)
Am going to wait till DD is 3 or 4 and see if I feel the same. Smile

OP posts:
itsallinmyhead · 14/01/2013 14:02

Yanbu, you can't help how you feel, however, a word of caution. Please don't let your friend or sil catch wind of your jealousy. I'm sure the last thing you want is to upset them.

As a new mum, I picked up on a close friends feelings at the beginning of my pg and although I felt for her, she avoided me which upset me more.

itsallinmyhead · 14/01/2013 14:03

Sorry, I've just realised jealousy is a very strong word.

Original poster
MrsAceRimmer · 14/01/2013 14:06

I'm trying my best Itsall - I'm genuinely over the moon for them both.
I love my friends DC and will be offering to look after them if she needs rest Smile
I did have a jealous friend when I was pregnant and hated it Hmm am telling myself to enjoy the DCs I already have.

OP posts:
OnwardBound · 14/01/2013 14:11

I totally get where you are coming from MrsAce.

I also have two, both boys, and would dearly love a third.

DSs are nearly 2 and nearly 4 years old. I am 39 [turning 40 this year] and if I am going to have a third it will be this year or not at all [my mental cut off point is 39, I know that some women have successful pregnancies and healthy babies after 40 but for me I think once I hit 40 that will be the end of my 'fertility years' so to speak Sad]

DH is pretty adamant that he only wants two, has no desire for a third. If I bring the subject up he looks hunted and doesn't really engage. He waits for me to get off dangerous ground [anything pregnancy or baby related] until he becomes communicative again.

I respect his feelings on this but sometimes I feel that he doesn't really respect mine. Not because I have to have my way but he won't even look at the pros and cons of a third with me!

DH grew up in a family with two boys [himself and his DB] and I think our family set up feels natural and normal to him and is exactly how he wants it.

But I really really want a third [be it boy or girl].

I also find myself feeling jealous when I see pregnant women or hear of those having their third or fourth child.

I know this is silly and selfish when there are those struggling to conceive or carry a first baby to term.

But it's just how I feel. I understand OP [rueful Smile].

itsallinmyhead · 14/01/2013 14:12

I also have a 5 week old, if you'd like to borrow him and remind yourself what the 'night shift' is like Grin

I do hope you feel better soon, I can't imagine your pain. And yes, focus on your beautiful little ones.

DeepRedBetty · 14/01/2013 14:17

I felt like this too when I was in my later thirties. We've got beautiful, wonderful twin dds but I'd loved to have more. dp was against it for all sorts of good reasons, my head agreed with him but my heart said the opposite. So YANBU to feel the emotion.

Original poster
MrsAceRimmer · 14/01/2013 14:17

Onward, my DH has listened to me and is understanding of my feelings, but outlines the cons of DC3 - bigger car, bigger house, my hideous pregnancies.
My two still don't sleep all night yet, they both still get up at least once Hmm so a newborn would be fine

OP posts:
Sleepysand · 14/01/2013 14:25

My two still don't sleep all night yet, they both still get up at least once so a newborn would be fine

I am amazed you would find time to conceive one, MrsAR.

i think pangs are normal, but two is a lovely number.

mrsjay · 14/01/2013 15:02

Yanbu but maybe your sil and friend would like a baby sitter now and again so you can have that new baby thing without the sleepless nights Grin I think you probably had the broodyness kick in when you heard it will pass,

mrsjay · 14/01/2013 15:03

oh your dc dont sleep anyway but 3 up all night it would be torture, when the babies come you can go and have a sniff to get the new baby fix

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