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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is irresponsible? Or do I just have my judgy pants on?

54 replies

VegasShowGirl · 14/01/2013 11:33

This woman I know through a friend is currently 5 or 6 months pregnant.

Before she was pregnant she owned a dog, rabbit and guinea pig.

And since she has got pregnant she has bought 2 more guinea pigs, and I have just seen on facebook that she has bought herself a new puppy too.

All together she has 6 pets, 2 of which are dog which are demanding pets - need to be walked every day etc.

Fair enough that she had three of them before she was pregnant but to get the last three after she found out ?? ... aibu to think this is irresponsible?

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 14/01/2013 11:52

I would judge if she got a puppy, had her baby and then got rid of the puppy, but as it stands she hasn't done that and theres no reason think she would. Its not that many pets to have anyway.

Thumbwitch · 14/01/2013 11:52

I think you probably could have asked this just on the basis of getting a puppy so close to giving birth, tbh. The rest don't "count" in terms of difficulty (ok, the other dog needs a bit more care than the rabbit/guineapigs but still, not the same as a demanding puppy).

I doubt she's thought it through, it's a bit daft IMO but it's none of your business really, unless you have grounds to believe that she is neglecting all of them.

FrustratedSycamoreIsNesting · 14/01/2013 11:53

But she's getting it before that baby is born, toilet training and initial basic training will be done/well underway when baby is born. And she is familiar with dogs already.

I don't think piggies/rabbits are high maintainence as far as pets go, 2 extra piggies isn't much extra work, we had piggie litters of 3/4 when I had piggies as a child. So had 3 adults and 7 piggie-lits at one point.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/01/2013 11:53

So she can't have pets whilst pregnant because she has been depressed? Right okay then Hmm

TraineeBabyCatcher · 14/01/2013 11:54

Can't think how it will actually make much difference other than financially.

1 dog = 1 walk a day
2 dogs = 1 walk a day
1 guinea pig = 1 cage clean a week
3 guinea pig = 1 cage clean a week
1 dog = 2 bowls of food a day
2 dogs = 4 bowls of food a day
1 guinea pig = 2 x trips to cage to feed a day
3 guinea pigs = 2 x trips to cage to feed a day

See where I'm going?

DevaDiva · 14/01/2013 11:56

I'd like that 2 minutes of my life back please - good grief

Lueji · 14/01/2013 11:57

Aren't dogs (and possibly other pets) supposed to be good for people with depression?

The pets may well give her something to think about other than the baby for example.

And lots of people have third babies while having already having two other young children, or end up with twins.
And they cope.

Besides, having more of the same pets it's not really that much more work.

Pigsmummy · 14/01/2013 12:17

I saw a heavily pregnant woman with a new puppy in Pets at home and felt it was a bit wrong but then I realised that it was none of my business. I take my baby everyday for a walk, a dog along wouldn't be a hassle but cleaning up shit and training would be (dog not baby).maybe having another dog might help keep dog number one oppucied though?

NewYearNewNagoo · 14/01/2013 12:22

Clean out guinea pig, clean out guinea pigs.

walk dog. Walk dogs.

Doesn't sound like a lot more work.

I wouldn't do it though.

It's none of your business.

maddening · 14/01/2013 13:04

If you had seen signs of neglect with the first animals and she had bought more then yout concerns about her ability to care for them would be valid but as it is she is doing fine.

DizzyZebra · 14/01/2013 13:12

I can't even contemplate the level of pathetic my life would have to reach for me to put this much thought into someones animal choices.

Ok, If she had decided to buy a burmese python to roam free about the house. Then judge. But really? An extra dog and a couple of guinea pigs?

Here is the list of animals i owned and cared for whilst pregnant with DS;

3 Horses
A dog (Whilst helping out with 7 others)
A pig
50 + Tarantulas
Various snakes
3 Giant rabbits
Multiple other rabbits
Various guinea pigs
4 Rats

I managed fine.

DizzyZebra · 14/01/2013 13:15

I'd like to know why it is 'daft' to get a puppy on the basis that she is pregnant, too? It's not hard. Animals are fairly easy to care for if you know what you are doing. In my whole life i have had one animal that i have struggled with. Out of literally hundreds that we've rescued, fostered, rehomed etc. Pregnant, with kids, you name it.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/01/2013 13:22

I think she might regret getting a puppy once the baby is born but what can you do about it.

I had two pets before i had my first baby which i had for years. I did find that it was a lot more work on top of what i then had with my babies and ideally i wouldn't have got my first pets until my children were a bit older. I struggled as it was so i could have have done without trips to the vet, mud, sick etc from the pets.

I have a friend who has got pet after pet after pet without really thinking it through and they all end up going to the dogs home (or relevant charity) which i do think is terrible because then they start their life without the proper training which leaves them less desirable animals to other people and can make them difficult to rehome.

And of course it costs the charities money as well. So from that perspective if you think she's taking on too much and that's where they are likely to end up then YANBU

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/01/2013 13:24

Dizzy. A friend of mine has just got a puppy and she is struggling with the training and the discipline and work involved. Her children are at primary school, she works part time and she finds it all a bit much right now, so if she had a baby i do think it really would be too much for her.

Not everyone finds it a walk in the park.

Paiviaso · 14/01/2013 13:38

YANBU. It is not a good idea to take on more animals just before a massive life change. Why would you not wait and see how you coped first?

The puppy especially was a bad call - the puppy will need ongoing training that her older dog wont, and may get itself into a lot more mischief. It is basically another child :/

Maybe she'll be fine, but she also might be setting herself up for failure if she goes through a hard time with her birth/baby.

Hobbitation · 14/01/2013 13:40

It may be more difficult than she imagines to deal with all the animals and the baby, but only time will tell. A caring person will act responsibly towards the animals and the baby even if it is a tough ask.

I had two elderly cats before I had DD1, and one of them became poorly, had diarrhoea, cat dementia and couldn't see or hear very well. She needed bathing & drying as she couldn't clean herself properly (especially poo sticking to her bum). Though we did eventually have her put down (when she seemed to have totally given up, stopped eating, nothing else we could do) before DD1 came along those months of full on care were actually good preparation for a tiny baby! The other cat unfortunately became poorly and we found him dead when DD1 was only a few months old. Sad

We didn't get another cat until DD1 was 3, but then we got another a few months later as the mum of the cat had another litter, and I thought they might get on better if we introduced another cat before the first one was a year old. But that meant getting one when DD2 was about 3 months old, so we had one half grown cat and a kitten, a new baby and a pre-schooler, so some people might have been a bit Hmm about it, but we all muddle(d) along nicely together. Being an experienced parent and experienced cat owner helped vastly though, I knew what I was letting myself in for on both counts!

DizzyZebra · 14/01/2013 13:48

Doodle - Not everyone finds it difficult either. She is being judged on a situation before she has even had chance to prove herself.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/01/2013 13:55

Dizzy. True. But i do think she's probably making things hard for herself. You can't tell people that though of course.

flow4 · 14/01/2013 13:55

Good grief. Unless you suspect she's going to demand that you look after them for her because she can't cope, why on earth do you care?!

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/01/2013 13:59

Flow. As i said above i do think that in my friends situation where all her dogs end up in dog homes, i care, and i think we all should considering those places are charities.

Not that there is anything you can do about it nor as dizzy says should she be judged before she's done it as she might be fine.

She might be incredibly capable or she might be naive about how much work babies are. Who knows.

flow4 · 14/01/2013 14:02

Sorry doodle, I was answering the OP, not you! Blush.
Personally, I find I have enough to worry about in my own life, without worrying about other people's too!

Kalisi · 14/01/2013 14:03

Agree with the poster that says the new puppy is the only pet that would make a significant difference. Its all well and good stating "She has six pets" but having 6 fish would be very different to six horses for example!
It may have been a conscious desicion to get another Guinea pig, having 1 is probably more work than 2 as they get very lonely on their own. As others have pointed out, pets like rabbits and guinea pigs require the same amount of care regardless of weather you have 1 or several.
Going back to the puppy though, personally I think it's a bad decision to get a puppy just before a new baby arrives but if she has thought through how difficult it will be and accepts it, then it's not really irresponsible of her.
I remember the judgey pants coming out in spades when we rescued a new ferret just before DS came along Angry

DizzyZebra · 14/01/2013 14:04

I just think it's a really shitty thing to be saying about a friend tbh. She's no reason to believe she will struggle other than some people do - Well, Some people struggle to look after their kids no matter what, We don't go around saying 'Ahh well she might turn out to be a child abuser, Lots of people do!'.

I know women who've had their children taken from them for being down right negligent. Doesn't mean i suspect other women of the same just because they did it.

I would be hurt if a friend said this about me with no reason other than 'some people struggle'.

I personally don't know anybody who has struggled with animals because of their baby.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/01/2013 14:10

Flow. Yeah i knew that, just chatting Smile

SashaSashays · 14/01/2013 14:14

Think you're just being judgemental, 5dc, 4 cats, 3 dogs, 2 rabbits, a hamster, a tortoise and various fish in this house.

I always found pregnancy and maternity leave was a great time to get a new pet as I then had the time to house train etc.

It might be something that you wouldn't choose for yourself and it may not work out because she has underestimated it, or like lots of us it may be fine. Whatever it is, I wouldn't call it irresponsible.