To be mad at him all over again??

[thatisall]

Ill keep this as short as poss lol. I have one dd and split from her df when she was little, she's now almost in high school.
We split because he was unfaithful.
I discovered this as he have me an std,
As a result of said std I can no longer have children.

I am now married and have moved on but it hurts me very day that I can't give dh a biological child of a ds do to my dd o indeed another dc for myself. We know that dd is desperate for a sibling, she had wished for one with every birthday candle, every letter to Santa.

Anyhoooo, dd has been asking a lot of questions recently about xp and why we split.

I spoke to co today about how to handle this as I have to tell her something and tbh at some point she will need to know why I'm not having babies, etc.

Let me point out , I'm not suggesting we go into detail and tell all right now!!!

Anyway I hit a bit worked up with all the talk of what happened between us, not least because he's never actually apologised. I point this out and he says:::

I'm sorry, I realise now that if I wanted that life, I shouldn't have hit involved with you.

So it's not the lying and cheating that was the mistake, it was being with me??? Twist the knife even more!!

I left the conversation before I said something I'd regret ( I love my dd more than I hate him and don't want to make things difficult) but ice been seething all day and all night and now can't sleep lol.

AIBU to think its never too late for a proper apology?

It's never too late, but I doubt you will ever get one. Don't waste your life trying to get it and failing.

I understand the anger, but for your own sake, don't let it eat you up.

Do you ever post something and think, ah I feel better now and then worry about whether you should have posted it? ://

Cathartic is the word you are looking for.
Have you consulted someone about your infertility? orconsidered adoption? I know it isn't the answer to everything, but could help.

Yes and yes, all in the pipeline :-)

I think it's me, I feel like he owes me something which I suppose he does. But what do I want? Grovelling? Do I want him to be unhappy or have his willy cut off ( we maybe haha)? No! I'm just upset cos its all being dragged up and while it no longer affects him, it affects me, my dd and dh every day.

He has taken a part of you, A large part of you. It is natural that you feel this way. You are essentially grieving for what you have lost. Him apologising won't take that away - Much the same as a murderer apologising won't bring back the lives they took - But it is a form of closure, Something that is natural to need.

You're not being unreasonable and i'm so sorry for what you've been through.

I'm glad talking about it on here helped a bit.