to think my uncle takes advantage of my mum's hoarding habbits?

[DarkRedRidingHood]

I would class my mum as a hoarder, when we were growing up our house was full of stuff. I find it extremely embarrassing and never wanted to invite my friends over or gave my mum weeks notice so at least one room would be tidy.

The house is still quite bad, it's definitely not a dirty house but there are at least three rooms piled up with junk. I do find it upsetting.

My uncle is constantly giving things he no longer wants to my mum, (he has children under 10), such as stacks of old drawn in books, jigsaws with pieces missing, broken toys, clothes. Which she will sort and give to charity shops, however most of the time it is placed in a room and forgotten about and just adds to the already massive pile of junk.

My uncle knows what the house is like and also knows that my mum is a soft touch. We recently had a family gathering and I heard him say to my mum "I've got a few boxes of crap that I'll give to you tonight", I turned around to him and said half jokingly and half sternly that she already has enough of her own and doesn't need anymore.

Nothing else was said on the matter and I asked my mum the next day if he had given her anything and she said no. So he obviously knows hes in the wrong to keep giving her things he no longer wants and cannot be bother to sort out himself.

aibu to think my uncle takes advantage of my mum's hoarding habbits?

he's like a feeder. that's a bit weird.

Do your family members not know how to use a bin? Why doesn't he just chuck the stuff out? He sounds pretty weird.

No, not unreasonable.

Very few people knew that we lived in a house where you had to climb over stuff to get anywhere some of the time and at least two rooms were prementatly piled high and unuseable. What with never letting anybody in and doorbell dread making sure anybody dropping by got left on the doorstep til they gave up.

But...there was a family member who knew, and if they fancied a declutter they would just give even more stuff to my mum. She was like their guilt/pain free dumping ground. I think they had "letting stuff go" issues too, but not so bad, and giving it my mum to churn forever helped them get rid of stuff without feeling it was lost, wasted or "really gone".

Drove us mad. Like she needed anymore help filling the house up.

Oh, and I don't know if you are already on it, or if it wpuldmsuits you, but if you are struggling there is a reasonably active yahoo group for the now adult children of hoarders

I find it too hard to keep going over old ground and rehashing everything at this point. But had I discovered it way back when, I think it would have helped.

It's just laziness on his part and the easiest option is to give it to my mum.

It's nice to have someone that can understand Loquace

My parents have quite a large house and and the main rooms are ok to use - kitchen, living room etc. I remember my older sibling was extremely tidy and would always throw things away as soon as she moved out, a few boxes were stored in there. A few years later and that room just isn't usable anymore.

I know my mum dreams of having a clutter free home but the reality is, it's probably never going to happen. I've tried to help but she doesn't like it because after a while I lose my temper as she won't let me throw things out.

I recently took her shopping as I needed to go to IKEA, they had a pack of 4 candles in the sale, and she ended up buying three. And they are still in the carrier bag in the hallway a week later.

Oh that's so helpful thank you Loquace

You know what I might even show that to my mum.

If anyone ever watches the show Hoarders you really do see how this problem ruins peoples lives and tears families apart.

It upsets me that my uncle must know my mum has a problem and he's just adding to it because he's too lazy to sort his own things out.

It upsets me that my uncle must know my mum has a problem and he's just adding to it because he's too lazy to sort his own things out

Which I think is extremely hurtful to somebody who already feels a very poor second to piles and piles of stuff.

The list might make it hard for your mum to follow until you have allowed a conversation to evolve and present it grouped by subject line. In the meantime, while it hasn't been updated for a while may show her the COH website just...don't hold your breath love that it will make a difference.

I'm not sure there is much that can truely change the behavoirs and thinking of most hoarders, even intensive psycothearpy doesn't have a brilliant track record. Will she hear and see you via the writings of others. Possibly. Will that be enough to halt or brake whatever it is behind her need to accumulate and not let go ? Probably not.

And do post of the yahoo group, they are not at all cliquey and the sheer relief of finding out that all your pain, arguments, struggles and processes are just so not unique...it blew my mind, in a good, if sad, way.