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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was a mean comment to say to my DD?

55 replies

LillyRosePetal · 13/01/2013 21:12

In the supermarket today (this sort of thing always happens in a supermarket haha) and was in line waiting to pay.

DD(almost 2) has a new favourite thing of running around me and finds it hilarious. She wasn't getting in anyones way either otherwise I would have stopped her.

When the woman in front had just paid and turned around and said to her - well you're a noisy little bugger (not in a jokey way) and walked off.

DD wasn't having a tantrum or screaming, which I could understand could be very annoying to some, all she was doing was laughing.

I am prepared to be told I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 13/01/2013 21:55

I'm always impressed when people get to the checkout and their small person is still cheerful. Excellent child-juggling is usually my opinion.

MidnightMasquerader · 13/01/2013 21:58

YANBU.

I'm sure if your toddler was in danger or about to get in someone's way, you'd have stopped her running.

Sometimes I think people forget the pure energy that small children have. If she's been good all the way round the supermarket and is letting off a little bit of harmless energy in this way, and it avoid a boredom tantrum or whinge/whine session, then really, it's OK.

She should just be thankful that her interaction with a toddler is just 2 minutes in a supermarket queue, and that she doesn't have to be in charge of entertaining her all day, every day.

Some people just have no empathy at all, and being miserable is more fun than being nice. Ignore. :)

drownangels · 13/01/2013 21:58

Well she had a point!!

MidnightMasquerader · 13/01/2013 22:02

See what I mean...? //\

Grin
ForgetMeNot85 · 13/01/2013 22:04

Midnight Grin

TameGaloot · 13/01/2013 22:07

I bet if you had stopped said small child she would have whinged more about the reaction you got
A happy child is infinitely preferable and if they're not causing any danger
I'm assuming she was doing that think where they run right round your legs normally trailing their arm round you at the same time. The only danger being a trip hazard to you

heyannie · 13/01/2013 22:07

But Midnight, why should she be thankful that it's only two minutes? It's a lifestyle choice to have kids, you get the drudgery but you get the joy too.

The woman didn't have kids/didn't take kids with her, yet still had to endure the negative side of kids i.e. they can be irritating (yes they can be joyous, but they can be annoying too). I don't think she was being unreasonable being annoyed by the child, but I think it was a bit mean of her to vocalise it. However I would be charitable and think maybe she had a migraine or something! Thankfully the child is probably too young to take the blindest bit of notice and will merrily continue running around her mother.

OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable to be taken aback by her comment, but don't think about it too much!

myfirstkitchen · 13/01/2013 22:09

Yanbu
I would of said and you're a manky old bitch or something like that.
If the noise was bugging her should of said something to you earlier, not waited until she was on her way out and address it to the child. What a trout.

MidnightMasquerader · 13/01/2013 22:11

You're absolutely right, heyannie - she doesn't have to be thankful...

She could just give it a whirl sometime, though. Being nice and understanding over something that isn't the end of the world, isn't going to kill anyone. Wink

Some people just love defaulting to misery mode. It's their right, I suppose...

heyannie · 13/01/2013 22:16

She might have had kids of her own and know full well the rigmarole that goes with it.

I'm sure most parents think their kids are precious entertaining angels most of the time, but sometimes crack and even find their own child annoying if they are in a bad mood, even if the child is just having fun and entertaining themselves!

DoodlesNoodles · 13/01/2013 22:17

TBH I think it sounds like something someone would say in a jokey way and not a mean way. However, ifshe was definitely being crabby then it was a mean thing to say.

MidnightMasquerader · 13/01/2013 22:18

My kids are precious, entertaining angels hardly any of the time. Grin

Is there anywhere that does exchanges?

heyannie · 13/01/2013 22:22

Aw Midnight I'm sure they are hehe.

But, in short OP, although I don't think supermarkets are the place to run around, I think she was the one most in the wrong. I sometimes think some children (and adults, of course) are annoying shits but would never say it to them if they weren't actually doing anything wrong, as it might hurt their feelings. Your daughter will be oblivious though, so no harm done.

I also accept that sometimes I am a misery, that's fine. Maybe this woman does too. Not everyone in the world is nice!

ilovesooty · 13/01/2013 22:24

Three posters have assumed this woman was old. Must've missed that in the OP. Hmm

heyannie · 13/01/2013 22:25

Yes good point , ilovesooty. Young people can be humourless child haters too, I am one of them!

NotSoNervous · 13/01/2013 22:29

I would have turned around and said "and you should mind your own business shouldn't you" in the same arsey tone she used

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo · 13/01/2013 22:35

I'd see the point if your child was running up and down the aisles screaming like a nutter but she was just circling you, so probably within a 2 feet radius ffs. Some people really shouldn't leave the house if they're so easily annoyed. My youngest does this kind of thing In the supermarket, she's really well behaved but if she wants a wee carry on at the chequeout for a few minutes and she's not bothering anyone then God help anyone who wants to call me up on it. Fucking miserable gits.

This whole thing about children should be seen and not heard is outdated crap. So a wee girl can't laugh and have a wee bit of fun without people thinking 'a supermarket really isn't the place for this' oh get a grip.

BrandonFlowersHoHoHo · 13/01/2013 22:35

I'd see the point if your child was running up and down the aisles screaming like a nutter but she was just circling you, so probably within a 2 feet radius ffs. Some people really shouldn't leave the house if they're so easily annoyed. My youngest does this kind of thing In the supermarket, she's really well behaved but if she wants a wee carry on at the chequeout for a few minutes and she's not bothering anyone then God help anyone who wants to call me up on it. Fucking miserable gits.

This whole thing about children should be seen and not heard is outdated crap. So a wee girl can't laugh and have a wee bit of fun without people thinking 'a supermarket really isn't the place for this' oh get a grip.

KellyElly · 13/01/2013 22:40

I never understand on these threads why people excuse this kind of thing because of course children are so irritating and the adult in question may be having a bad day, headache etc. People irritate the shit out of me on a daily basis usually adults on the whole, but I don't go around snapping at random strangers. It's just rude. If you can't put up with a child being a child in a supermarket for five minutes without making a confrontational comment you really need to have a word with yourself and learn some tolerance and some manners.

heyannie · 13/01/2013 22:45

Kelly, it doesn't excuse it but it might explain it. A civilised grown up should never admonish someone for just going about their natural existence. The OP might feel better if she considers that maybe it was a problem with the woman (she was upset/feeling unwell/is just a general mean woman) rather than a problem with her child or her parenting.

A child needs to know at some point that some places are for running around (the beach, the park, a playground) and some places are not (church, the supermarket, the classroom), but 2 is far too young for that kind of nuance. If you had stopped her she may have started screaming and wailing which would be far worse for all concerned.

KellyElly · 13/01/2013 22:59

Kelly, it doesn't excuse it but it might explain it. A civilised grown up should never admonish someone for just going about their natural existence. The OP might feel better if she considers that maybe it was a problem with the woman (she was upset/feeling unwell/is just a general mean woman) rather than a problem with her child or her parenting. Fair enough but there are too many comments on these type of threads that assume the child was annoying and in some way that makes it ok for this kind of thing to be said. 'The person was rude but...' Well there isn't a but they were just rude.

Branleuse · 13/01/2013 23:02

Maybe she found your little darlings game really irritating.

heyannie · 13/01/2013 23:04

Kelly, I think in short the excuses boil down to "the person was rude but it's their problem not yours".

Original poster
LillyRosePetal · 13/01/2013 23:12

Branleuse

Maybe she found your little darlings game really irritating.

Comments like this really annoy me. By referring to her as my little darling you seem to be implying that I would let her get away with anything. Like even she was having a tantrum lying on the floor kicking and screaming, hitting people walking by and knocking things off the shelf then how dare someone comment on her behaviour.

She was running around me whilst holding onto my arm - my arms aren't that long so she was hardly doing massive laps around me. No-one was behind me and she never bumped into the woman or got into her way.

I accept that the woman might have found her laughing annoying. If she really felt the need to say something then she should have addressed me in my opinion.

OP posts:
MummytoMog · 13/01/2013 23:22

I love you.