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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have expected my work colleagues to have said goodbye on my last day at work

42 replies

bellejar · 13/01/2013 16:59

I have worked in a private school for 4.5 years (I know, this is one of the reasons for leaving as I want to be more inclusive) as a marketing manager. During this time I have saved the hide of many members of staff, including the :eadmaster. I gave 2 months notice but not once did the Head or Deputy Head acknowledge that I was going. I have always done an exemplary job and been a popular member of the school. On my last day I said goodbye to the Prep School who gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, speeches, tears and thank you. However, I went out for lunch and when I came back I found a card had been snuck on my desk from the senior school but only signed my less than half of the senior teachers. And then I left. And the Head and Deputy Heads never said "goodbye and thanks" .... I am so pissed off at them as I have busted a gut for that school, worked many hours over time and gone out of my way to do a really good job for not much money. And not even a thank you or a goodbye. AIBU to want them to just FO?

OP posts:

QOD · 13/01/2013 17:02

No yanbu

Arseholes

Original poster

bellejar · 13/01/2013 17:03

And before you say it, no - they weren't teaching and yes, they were in school.

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 13/01/2013 17:04

That is, indeed, quite crap of them.

At least the prep school appreciated you.

FryOneFatManic · 13/01/2013 17:04

I can understand where you're coming from. I left my job some time ago. On my final day, I got some little forgettable gift and card from my boss, and he disappeared around 10am "on business" tha could ahve been rearranged. As it was a redundancy, my leaving date was known about for 4 months. Usual procedure was for someone to go around collecting for a gift and to get people who know you to sign a leaving card, and often you arrange a lunch before leaving too. None of this was done, and while I know my boss was glad to see me go (he hated the fact I didn't automatically jump when he shouted) there were a lot of people at that workplace who would have wanted to at the very least sign a card. I ended up with a few cards sent privately to me afterwards.

deleted203 · 13/01/2013 17:06

It's rude and uncaring. I wouldn't feel upset by the card being signed by less than half the senior teachers - it's perfectly possible that the majority of them didn't know there was a card going round and they were teaching, so no one took it to them. I would feel pissed off that the Head and Deputy didn't have the manners or the common decency to say thanks and goodbye. Who gave the speech and presentation of flowers?

Original poster

bellejar · 13/01/2013 17:45

sowornout the Head of Prep gave the presentation. The Prep are fab and I love them to bits. As for the teachers not knowing, well, the card was left in the staff work room and I saw 2 emails asking them to sign it. I have worked SO hard, especially for the senior school and now I feel totally worthless and that the last 4 years have been a waste of my life :(

OP posts:

deleted203 · 13/01/2013 18:01

Oh that is terrible, belle. I think the senior school should hang their head in shame. Don't, whatever you do, feel worthless. You have been fabulous towards them - it is the Head, Deputy and senior teachers who should feel embarassed by their lack of manners and gratitude. I hope wherever you are going to appreciates you more than this bunch of ingrates did. Have some .

FelicityWasSanta · 13/01/2013 18:03

I'm sorry, yes Yanbu, that's seriously crap of them.

HecatePropolos · 13/01/2013 18:05

It's not been a waste of your life.

Everything you have done - you have still done. Everyone you helped - you helped. That hasn't changed. The only difference is you now know that they're a bunch of bastards who didn't deserve you.

So they're arses. That's their problem not yours - and you don't have to deal with them any more so ... Yay!

Onwards and upwards. Don't let this drag you down.

DoodlesNoodles · 13/01/2013 18:51

That is very crap indeed. I hope you don't take it personally. You could send an email to the headmaster (copied to whoever) saying thankyou for the card and that you were sorry that everyone was so busy as you would have liked to say goodbye in person. (nothing more)

I think this plan is a bit passive agressive but it might make a point and it might make you feel better.

BikeRunSki · 13/01/2013 19:05

That stinks. If it's any comfort, nobody did or said anything on my last day at work before maternity leave.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass · 13/01/2013 19:18

That's horrible of them :( I remember my last day working for a previous employer and I'd been there for about 3 years. No Thankyou, good luck, acknowledgement from any of them. Not off the managers or the people I had worked so closely with. I'm not one for expecting cards and gifts but my manager glared at me and didn't even say a word to me as I was leaving which took me aback a bit.

Best thing I ever did though getting away from that employer. It was only a supermarket after all, and now I'm in the beginnings of bettering myself where prospects could be amazing.

I would LOVE to tell them how happy I am that I left.

NamingOfParts · 13/01/2013 19:37

YANBU to be a little bit upset but TBH forget it and move on.

I'm afraid that this is fairly normal. A lot of people do actually feel a bit betrayed when someone leaves - strange but true! To the people you have spent the majority of your waking day with you are effectively saying thanks, but I have found somewhere better.

I am not a fan of gifts for people who are leaving. If they are going on to something better then why bother. If they are leaving because they are being made redundant then they may feel too unhappy to want to receive a gift from their employer - you are making me redundant and trying to make yourself feel better by giving me some poxy gift.

The only time that a big fuss about the leaver seems appropriate is when someone is going on maternity leave.

Chottie · 13/01/2013 19:41

Let it go, the people who cared said goodbye to you. I would not do anything, you might need to contact the school for a reference in the future (!)

mrsfassbender · 13/01/2013 19:46

What Hecate said. YANBU at all. I went through something similar and remember feeling awful.
You will move on to better things and nicer colleagues
Hugs and

Original poster

bellejar · 13/01/2013 19:48

Thanks everyone. :) sorry to hear about the other nightmare stories :( The Headmaster is a fool as I have 2 kids in the school and now there is NO WAY DD is staying on till 6th form nor DS go into year 7. I shall now become the complaining parent from hell! Hugs all round x

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/01/2013 20:00

I left my job after 13 years last month. Not one fucker (half of whom I would have called friends) so much as messaged me on Facebook. Shouldn't be surprised, is been on mat leave for a year and no one has even texted to ask how I am. People are mostly self-centred shits.

RuleBritannia · 13/01/2013 20:12

I know what this feels like. I was at a medical publication company for just under 2 years and was made redundant [note the 'just under 2 years' which meant that I received no redundancy money]. At lunchtime - my 'departure' time - I was standing outside, where my car was being serviced next door, and the big boss drove out, stopped and said he was sorry to have missed me so he hadn't been able to say goodbye. He had been in the office all day so I came out with a cutting remark - that I had been in the office all day so he could have found the time ................. He just drove off.

Luckily I didn't need a reference from him for my next job where I stayed for 9 years.

Take no notice of what has gone on for you, OP. You will probably never meet any of the school staff again so it doesn't really matter what you achieved for them. You feel that you achieved so you probably did. Teaching staff do not know how much has to be done that is not teaching. Support staff are 'just there'.

Once I'd left the medical publication firm, I became a school secretary and the same thing applied. I received cards and gifts when I left but, once I'd gone, I never heard from any of them again even though I offered to stand in if anyone was away.

We had one headteacher who wanted support staff to be called 'Associate Staff'. I objected because either we were staff or we were not. He 'had' to leave after 2 years I wasn't the only one on a platform where he was concerned.

alcibiades · 13/01/2013 20:24

I also went through something similar. I went into work on the Monday with my resignation letter typed and signed, and ready to hand to my manager. But then found out there had been a major crisis over the weekend in another bit of the department. I did briefly think about delaying handing in my resignation (I hadn't got another job lined up) and maybe that would have been the kinder thing to do. But I'd had enough by then and had already made my decision.

The only thanks I got was a lovely card from the secretary of yet another bit of the department where I'd helped out a lot. Nothing from my manager, and nothing from my job-share colleague, for whom I'd swapped many days mostly so she could attend family-related occasions (rather than for sick-days, etc.)

I think that since I wasn't going to be around to step into the breach, sort out computer issues, and so on, I wasn't of any use to them any longer, so they didn't have to bother being nice to me anymore.

Divinyl · 13/01/2013 23:35

Yes, not unfamiliar... In one job I was present in a staff meeting, along with the whole department, about 2 hours before I was due to actually leave. No breathing of (shock) a thank you, no acknowledgement that I wouldn't be there the next day... I mentioned that they'd need to keep up to date a piece of work that I had done for that meeting (that they'd forgotten they had asked me to do not a week previously). That was the extent of the goodbye, I believe. I spent the next 2 hours merrily tidying my desk by ripping up the pile from the top to nearly the bottom and filing in the bin. Not sure whether much of it was important, and not bothered.

Bogeyface · 13/01/2013 23:45

YANBU

I remember when I went on ML with DD1 almost 16 years ago.

2 days before I left another member of the team (who I trained and she reported to me) left, she had been there 6 months and I had been there 2 years. She got a card, flowers and a beautiful gift that I had contributed to.

When I left, nothing. Not even a "good luck with the baby". I worked hard, had the highest sales results in the team and my boss always sang my praises. When I went back after ML I got a half hearted apology, unprompted, from my bosses second in command saying that they had already asked for money for the other team member and didnt like to ask again for me.

I left 4 months later after I was diagnosed with severe PND directly linked to work. They increased my targets above everyone else in the team, put pressure on me to over achieve and I was threatened with with holding holidays, pay etc. I was 25 and didnt realise that what they were threatening was illegal and too green to see that it was sexual discrimination. I (much) later found out that they actively "managed out" anyone who had a baby as they didnt fit with the company's expectations.

janji · 13/01/2013 23:45

Resigned from my deputy head position after 11 years exemplary service; have always given to collections etc in past but due to leaving because of the bullying ways of a new head (6 staff have left in the last 9 months; some got cards/ gifts/ flowers depending if the new head liked them) did not receive one word of thanks, not a card or any form of acknowledgement. Staff I thought were friends and whom I have helped on many occasions are so afraid for their jobs they did not even attempt a goodbye or gesture ( learnt the hard way they were never true friends)! I feel your disappointment OP.

Catchingmockingbirds · 13/01/2013 23:49

I'm not familiar with private school at all so apologies if I am confused but I don't understand the problem. You got a beautiful bouquet of flowers, speeches, tears, a thank you and a signed card too.

Bogeyface · 13/01/2013 23:51

Catching Its like working for 2 departments. One thanks you and makes a little bit of fuss but the other (who you have actually done more work for) doesnt even acknowledge your leaving. Kind of like getting a Mothers day card from one child but not the other!

starfishmummy · 13/01/2013 23:55

When I left an office after six years I realised that the collection and card was being hastily done on my last day. They bought me a crappy bouquet - even though my immediate colleagues knew that the next day I was going abroad.....

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