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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Repeating oneself

19 replies

StraightTalkinSheila · 13/01/2013 15:01

So, I'm deaf. Yes, it's a bit rough, but I get on with it. What grits my poo, though, is the attitude some people have. Deafness is equated with stupidity. Am I being unreasonable to expect a person to repeat what they've said so I can participate in the conversation? I think "Of course it's fucking not," but you'd be surprised at how may people seem to think it is.

OP posts:
BettySuarez · 13/01/2013 15:06

My DH is hard of hearing. He doesn't come across as being thick - infact he is super super brainy.

I often have to repeat myself or make sure he is focussing when I talk to him especially about something important.

It must be tiring having to always make sure you are listening though but it is also frustrating trying to communicate with him sometimes

Hope your day improves Smile

MrsLouisTheroux · 13/01/2013 15:08

YANBU, people should have better manners. The thing is, it can be a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. People don't ant to appear patronising but if you say ' I didn't catch that' and you are being ignored then that is just wrong.

CailinDana · 13/01/2013 15:12

How deaf are you? Do you need to lip read or can you hear if people raise their voices enough? In what situations are people not being accommodating?

BumpingFuglies · 13/01/2013 15:12

YANBU. I work with people who are hard of hearing and do my best to make sure I'm understood first time. If that's not possible I will repeat as many times as necessary, as politely as possible. Gets on my nerves when people treat my hard of hearing clients as if they are stupid.

Have you come across a twunt who does this OP? Or is it just in general?

StraightTalkinSheila · 13/01/2013 15:15

I think the technical term for my level of deafness is "as a post".
I come across people on a daily basis who do this. Most of the time, I inwardly pity their twuntishness, but sometimes I feel stabby.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/01/2013 15:15

Of course it's not unreasonable. If someone asked me to repeat myself a lot, I would assume that I wasn't speaking clearly or loudly enough. Of course it's sometimes hard to know whether someone can't hear or doesn't understand, but that shouldn't mean anyone should assume the latter, or should object to repeating things.

Why bother to have the conversation in the first place, if you can't be bothered?

Furrybiscuit · 13/01/2013 15:16

YANBU
My mum is deaf in one ear and this has made me realise how difficult it must/can be in some situations; even as simple as where to position herself round a table if out for a meal so she can join conversation-simple to a lot of people, but not for her.
But Bach to your original point, my db doesn't consider this and tends to do exactly as you have described when she doesn't, hear what he mumbles says. He repeats slooooowwwwwly. She's not thick, just can't hear!!

Gritty poo Grin ewwww

CailinDana · 13/01/2013 15:18

Grin at "as a post"? The reason I ask is because my sister would sometimes get riled up at people not accommodating her (physical) disability until I pointed out that it's not an obvious disability at all and she had to actually inform people about it or they wouldn't know that they needed to accommodate it.

I get irrationally annoyed at repeating myself, but that's because the person in question isn't listening. If I knew a person was deaf I wouldn't have any problem repeating myself as much as necessary.

MammaTJ · 13/01/2013 15:18

I would rather repeat myself ten times than deal with my mother who denies she is deaf then looks vague or worse, makes things up!

CailinDana · 13/01/2013 15:18

That should be "as a post"!

StraightTalkinSheila · 13/01/2013 15:24

It does make me wonder what the point is of speaking if you ask someone to repeat themselves, only to be told "Oh, it doesn't matter." I am also on he receiving end of the patronising "Aren't you MARVELLOUS! I'd never had known from your speech." and "It's such a shame. You're such a PRETTY girl." as if it is somehow a flaw, along with "But you'd never know! Your children are so normal!"

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 13/01/2013 15:26

Very annoying OP. Do you lip read then?

MrsLouisTheroux · 13/01/2013 15:26

"Oh, it doesn't matter." Is just rude.

StraightTalkinSheila · 13/01/2013 15:27

Yes, I lip read.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 13/01/2013 15:31

YANBU.

When I worked in retail I was always careful to speak clearly whilst directly looking at a customer I knew was deaf and was always happy to repeat myself. It used to amaze me how many of my colleagues thought shouting with their back turned (worked on kiosk/customer service desk) was helpful and then got annoyed that they had to repeat themselves Hmm

My Nan is deaf and her own daughter in law (not my mum) speaks to her as though she's stupid. Irritates me to the nth degree.

Deaf people aren't stupid, they are deaf. Big difference

BumpingFuglies · 13/01/2013 15:32

I suppose it's difficult if it's a new person who doesn't know you are deaf. But if it's someone who does, they should know they have to speak clearly and that you can see them. It's just courtesy really.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/01/2013 15:52

Well, you seem to be talking about people showing a lack of consideration rather than implying you are stupid. They either can't be arsed, or don't think their inane comment is worthy of repeating.

It is rude and inconsiderate of them, especially if you have actually asked them to repeat something. But, it does take a bit of practice to get used to facing a deaf person and ensuring they are included in a conversation, especially when it's amongst a number of people.

I have a deaf friend who lip reads and find talking to him one to one quite easy, though I've learnt to structure my sentences differently, always starting with the subject; 'this thing...something about it' not 'something about...this thing'.

In group conversation though, even amongst friends who are generally considerate, some are more or less competent about facing him, avoiding distracting little sub-conversations he can't see and checking that he's following, which does often mean repeating some things. Sometimes one friend takes a lead on that and effectively translates, 'so and so just said...' while we all pause. If she does this with what the speaker considered a very incidental remark, they can feel a bit silly, so I think we all try to keep to the important points more and keep the conversation slower. Sometimes, when a conversation is fluid, faster and no-one is taking that role, he does get left behind until someone engages him one to one.

So, I'm saying yes, people are often useless, mostly because they lack confidence about how to speak to you (or forget when they're drinking) but if you tell them what you want and they refuse to do it, they are being rude, albeit possibly through poor social skills that afflict them more generally but, rude.

BettySuarez · 14/01/2013 22:52

OP if it makes you feel any better, my hoity toity DD sometimes does this to me.

She might ask me a question or tell me something and when I ask her to repeat it she will often huff and say "it doesn't matter"

Neither of us have hearing problems but one of us is a pain in the arse Grin

Sometimes people are just rude.

Theicingontop · 14/01/2013 23:00

BIL is deaf and OH is hard of hearing, he could have written this post. YADNBU. It takes like what, five seconds to repeat something. So rude.

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