AIBU or am I being daft?

[EricNorthmansFangBanger]

DD2 (18 months) is yet to stay over at either set of grandparents. DD1 goes to bother sets of grandparents around 1 weekend a month. This doesn't always happen. DC3 is due in 5 weeks and both sets of grandparents want DD1 to stay for a weekend before then.

PIL have been majorly hinting about having DD2 stay for a weekend for a few months but I have not been happy for this to happen. DD2 doesn't sleep well at all and hasn't stayed away from us yet. Neither set of PIL live close, about an hour and 15 mins drive away. DH has been pushing for DD2 to go and stay away at PIL. Originally I 'placated' DH by saying I would consider DD2 staying when she was sleeping better and when DN, who is a month younger than DD2, started staying over at PIL. They started having DN stay over from December. DD2 has been sleeping atrociously for the past fortnight, even worse than usual.

There is an opportunity for DD2 to stay over at PIL from Friday to Saturday. DD1 will be staying at my parents on the weekend. This will give us a 'free night' to go for a meal or go to the cinema before DC3 arrives. I am still not keen on letting DD2 stay over, even for one night. I feel this way about her staying at either set of parents, not just PIL. DH says IABU and that he would like a full night's sleep and a night for just us. I am heavily pregnant and more teary than usual. I don't think it's a good idea for her to go. She's not been away from us and can be quite clingy at times. I'm worried about how she would react and since I cannot predict this then right now my answer is no. I wouldn't enjoy our 'free night' and I just know I would toss and turn and not sleep very well. It they didn't live too far away then I would contemplate trying. DH is annoyed with me and thinks I just need to 'let go'. He's also annoyed that DN has stayed over a few times at PIL now and I'm still not wanting DD2 to stay over, but DN sleeps through the night. I feel like I have to say yes but I really don't want to. AIBU?

Give it a go and see how it goes.

It doesn't sound like something you feel ready for up to

FWIW I find my DS sleeps great for my DPs and he's been doing so since around 9 months but they live about 10 minutes away. An hour and a quarter is a bit different

I think the break would do you good but if you are just going to worry you might not get much sleep

You don't have to say yes, you can say "no"

Do consider though that your PILs do know what babies are like and your DC may have a great time (my DS does)

She's sleeping atrociously? Go for it and get some rest! :o

Seriously if you won't relax then that might not be the right advice for you but honestly what's the worst that can happen? She has a really unsettled night and you know not to try again for a while. At best alls fine and you know you have the option for a break when dc3 arrives.

Honestly it doesn't sound you're up for it so just say No thanks. DH can go grab a full night's sleep at his parents' before your EDD arrives. Lack of sleep upsets everyone and if he is usually supportive and hands-on with the DCs he probably needs a good sleep too. Can someone you know and trust come stay with you and help with DD2 at least one night? That would give you a break.

I know that I should let her but there's something there that's stopping me from wanting her to. I am still suffering from PND from after DD2 being born, which has a dose of anxiety thrown in there. I know that is the thing that is stopping me from completely 'letting go'.

I guess I'm wanting a kick up the bum to say that it's fine and I'm being daft. Most likely she won't even be gone for a full 24 hours. DD1 stayed at my parents for a weekend quite often from around 8 months old and they live the same sort of distance away. The thing about that was DD1 and I had been living with my DP's until she was 6 months old before we moved in with DH, so it was different. I still felt anxious about her going and did get upset but this time I don't seem to be able to den get to the point of putting DD2 in PILs car and letting her go anywhere.

Donkeys - I may suggest that. He could even stay at the premier inn for a night which is close by. I've offered him that already so may suggest it again. He does help massively and is also awake when DD2 is awake, I know he's very tired too.

She will be fine

It's you that's going to struggle with it

The break will do you good

Your PILs managed to raise your DH

They will spoil your DD rotten with affection and they will really, really enjoy having her

It will be good for her confidence and socialisation

It will be nice for you anf your DH to have some time together before the baby

(is this helping?)

Tbh I think you are being daft and unfair on Dc2.

Tbh get a hold of yourself. Ur not keeping her home for her but u. Your post sounds all u not her.

Let her stay. Enjoy ur night.

Okay how about you 3 got to PILs, you sleep over the 1st night all of you then on 2nd night you and DH slip out after she's down and go somewhere local to PILs so you're not miles away?

catgirl

No advice, just congrats, didn't know you were pregnant. :) Enjoy!

Would you feel better if they stayed together initially?

I know that mine would have found it odd to wake up not only without us, but also without each other.

It depends how your pil are with your dd and whether they're prepared to cope with a broken night.

Is there a chance your dd will need to stay overnight when you give birth? If so, then I think it's a good idea to have a practice run beforehand.

My dd is just older, 19 months. She started staying over with dmil a couple of months ago. I was quite stressed about it at first, as she's a terrible sleeper at home, but she sleeps much better at dmil's place. I'm due my dd2 in a couple of weeks and it's good to know that dd will be fine while I'm in hospital.

I would say it depends on how often dd sees the gp's and whether they have looked after her by themselves before. If they haven't then I would start with leaving her for a few hours during the day before leaving her overnight.
Might be a good idea to start soon though seeing as you might need to leave her when you go into labour.

Thanks for all your advice. I won't need either DD to stay over anywhere as I'm having an ELCS and plans are in place for that. My DPs are definitely wanting DD1 this weekend, so I have agreed to DD2 staying at PIL for just the one night. I know I'll be stressy about it but DH has assured me that she can be brought back for dinner time the next day and she'll only be going with them at 4pm on the Friday, so overall it won't be too long.

Diddl - I'm not sure about them staying together. In theory I think this could be very good, as they love playing together and when DD1 goes away for a weekend DD2 does wonder where she's gone. On the flip side, I don't think it would work, not at first necessarily.

So, I'm going to try and remain as calm and as unstressed as I can about it but will no doubt get emotional!

There's no need for an 18mo to stay overnight away from the parents, they're still more baby than toddler. If you're happy with her staying then that's great, but don't let yourself be guilt tripped into it. A child is not a belonging, GPs do not have a 'right' to have a child stay overnight and it's ridiculous they are pressuring you to do so.

My 19mo DD won't be staying overnight with my DPs till she's considerably older, not least because she still wakes for milk. They would love to have her but understand I think she's too young and aren't annoyed about that. Just because you're "clingy", in their words, now, doesn't mean you will be later - I am more than happy for my 4yo to stay overnight with DPs, but at 18mo no way.

NB I'm not saying no 18mo should stay away overnight - if they and the parents are happy then of course it's fine, but there is no requirement for it and it really annoys me to see people being pressured to be away from their still very young children for no good reason.