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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think No, I will not provide a packed lunch for ds1 until further notice?

14 replies

MunchMunch · 12/01/2013 12:50

Ds1 (13) is in secondary school, on Friday he left the school grounds at lunchtime to go to a cafe next door to another part of the school (smaller part of school). He says that a (new) lady who does lunchtime supervision in the yard told him and his friends they could leave the school grounds. According to ds1, a teacher Cameron the cafe and took their names.

Today I receive a letter telling me that ds1 left the school grounds, no date or other explanations as to where he was but informing me that from Monday I will have to provide him with a packed lunch and that he will be supervised all through lunch until furthe notice. He will also have to do an hours detention every night until further notice.

Now I don't have a problem with the detention or being supervised at lunch but ds1 receives free school meals so aibu to think that I shouldn't sending him with one and if they want him to have a packed lunch they should provide it or let him get his lunch and then take it to the packed luch area?

OP posts:

Original poster

MunchMunch · 12/01/2013 12:51

a teacher came* to the cafe

OP posts:

BoundandRebound · 12/01/2013 12:54

Yes they should provide it.

Phone them on Monday and tell them politely that you support their response to him leaving the grounds but they have made a mistake and as DS is fsm they should be providing his lunch packed or otherwise.

LuluMai · 12/01/2013 12:54

I don't understand, if ds gets free school meals why was he going to a cafe for lunch?

BoundandRebound · 12/01/2013 12:55

I assume cos his mates were

landofsoapandglory · 12/01/2013 12:56

Did he have his fsm on Friday?

IloveJudgeJudy · 12/01/2013 12:57

I don'tknow about FSM, but I'm a bit about your DS saying he asked a new lady and she said they could leave the school grounds. It is very clear in all the literature that I have had from my DC's school that they are not allowed to leave the school grounds until 6th form. I think he's stretching the truth somehow. Even if someone did say he could leave, hasn't all the paperwork up until now and haven't the teachers always told them they couldn't leave?

Something has happened here. Your DS is not telling you the whole truth. My namesake always asks, "how can you tell when a teenager is lying? When their lips are moving!" While I don't totally agree with her I do think that teenagers have a great capacity for not being completely open and changing stories to fit their point of view.

HecatePropolos · 12/01/2013 12:57

Yes, say no. He gets fsm. This means they get the money for his meal.
They cannot refuse to supply him with a meal and if they won't back down - report them!

BelleoftheFall · 12/01/2013 12:58

I think detention every night until further notice is silly. Make it a week's detention or something, fine, but "until further notice"? Come on, indefinitely punishing someone is a bit far.

And they should continue providing free school meals.

fuzzysnout · 12/01/2013 12:58

YANBU. As bound says, a polite phonecall to say you support the school but that he is FSM so could they please make the appropriate arrangements is all that is needed.

5madthings · 12/01/2013 12:58

If he is entitled to fsm then they have to provide it.

As you say you support the rest of the punishment but he is entitled to and the school are claiming the pupil premium fir him.being free school meals so he needs to have his meal provided.

Original poster

MunchMunch · 12/01/2013 13:01

He went to the cafe because his mates went so he decided that because he had been given a lift in that morning he had a couple of quid spare he would use it to buy a sausage sandwich at the cafe. Which he paid for then didn't get because the teacher came for them.

OP posts:

blueemerald · 12/01/2013 13:12

When we have half days (end of term) or school trips the school I work at provides a placed lunch (sandwich, drink, fruit, penguin bar) for the FSM kids. I think your sons school should do the same. I suspect you've been sent a standard letter and the school just haven't realised.

Original poster

MunchMunch · 12/01/2013 13:14

No he didn't get his fsm either, even though they were still serving but he was taken to a science room instead.

I agree that he has probably stretched the truth a little, considering he has never been out before so there's no reason to think they'd be allowed out now. I've told him though that if he believes his version of events is correct and I go to the school and tell them what he's told me it could have serious consequences for the lunch lady like losing her job but he says it's true.. I know that he wouldn't let someone lose their job if he was telling lies so that's why I told him it could be serious on the off chance he would spill more details but we'll see when I phone on Monday.

OP posts:

SamSmalaidh · 12/01/2013 13:19

Personally I wouldn't get involved with the actual punishment - it's up to him to put his case to the school not you, and up to the school to decide who's telling the truth and what the sanction should be.

Definitely call and point out that as he gets FSM, they are responsible for providing a packed lunch if necessary and not you though.

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