Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to be pissed off with my brothers

89 replies

McNewPants2013 · 12/01/2013 00:52

every friday night i go to my mothers, sometime for a few bottles of wine or sometime for a few cup of tea. I live 5 minutes walk to my house.

however my brother's feel the need to walk me home. I don't need walking home. What do they think would happen grrrrrrr

OP posts:

SPBInDisguise · 12/01/2013 08:34

But the risk is small and it's up to a competent adult to decide that and not have other adults making her decisions for her.

diddl · 12/01/2013 08:42

I get where you´re coming from OP.

Do you live in a really rough area??

"They couldn't live with themselves if you were attacked"-but that´s not the OP´s problem, is it?

There comes a time when your decisions should be respected.

I think the fact that they spoke to your husband is awful.

Didn´t they trust your judgement?

It does sound infantilising to me.

SPBInDisguise · 12/01/2013 08:44

TBH I'd feel like saying "I have decided I am walking home and I do not need to be accompanied. If you feel I am not capable of making that decision, feel free to try to get me sectioned."
But then I'm a grumpy cow who has fought for every scrap of independence and dignity.

EMS23 · 12/01/2013 08:44

If an adult I care about is making a stupid decision - and I consider walking home alone late at night to be a stupid decision - then overruling it, is not a bad thing to do, IMHO.

It's not about bloody feminism and 'I'm a grown up' independence bullshit. It's about keeping your loved ones safe.

Bearandcub · 12/01/2013 08:45

YABU and you know it.

SPBInDisguise · 12/01/2013 08:48

Really, so do adults not walk around in the dark? How about adult men - who are much more likely to be the victim of an attack?

SPBInDisguise · 12/01/2013 08:49

And EM each decision is subjective, based on your own opinions and priorities. Are you really happy to have someone else imposing their opinions and priorities over yours?
I walk around in the dark fairly regularly. Didn't realise it was a no no.

HoneyDragon · 12/01/2013 08:52

As someone who routinely wandered the streets at night can I point out the police never advised me it was too dangerous to be out.

Lots of random scare mongers took great delight in telling me I would be horribly raped and murdered though.

It's nice that your brothers walk you you home, and its nice you humour them to put everyone's mind at rest but it is not necessary. UANBU

SPBInDisguise · 12/01/2013 08:55

I often get the train back from work and then walk to the bus station in the dark to get the bus back to our village. Should I really be getting a taxi?
Tonight I will be leabing the village hall when it's dark and walking home. I will even have my 5yo with me. Maybe DH should wrap our 3yo DD up and come up to get me.
It's all very well saying it's too dangerous but in fact it's just scaremongering and hysteria over common sense. I'm not saying it is always safe to walk everywhere at night, but there's no blanket rule that women must be home at dusk. I imagine there is a bigger risk from cars etc.

CaseyShraeger · 12/01/2013 09:07

If they are both doing it together (so no one is ever walking alone) then it's a lot more reasonable than if just one of them is doing it, given that a young man walking alone is significantly more likely to be attacked than a lone woman. If just one of them is doing it it's overriding your wishes and imposing a "solution" that's more dangerous than what you had planned, which is a bit crap.

MardyArsedMidlander · 12/01/2013 09:16

If you are really drinking a 'few bottles of wine'- it's a good job SOMEONE is escorting you home

EMS23 · 12/01/2013 09:54

SPB I think what struck a chord in this example is that the OP has two brothers that are (presumably) happy to walk her home. It's not putting anyone out so why not?

I take your point that an adult is entitled to assess their own risk and make their own decisions, male or female.

I guess I do buy into the hype that something bad will happen though so I tend to avoid situations where I would have to walk alone in the dark and if a loved one is proposing it and I can accompany them or give them a lift, pay for a taxi etc.. I will because I couldn't bear it if something did happen.

HollyBerryBush · 12/01/2013 09:59

How lovely to still see courteous gentlemen now and again .

My son always walk girls home, romantically involved or just friends within the same group. In fact it's like a pack of girls at times as he delivers each one safely home .

IneedAgoldenNickname · 12/01/2013 10:46

If I'm at my mums until after dark, she insists on walking me to the bus stop, even though she then has to walk back home again on her own!

The weirdest thing about it is that she wouldn't have done that when I was a teenager

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis · 12/01/2013 10:56

YABU

HecatePropolos · 12/01/2013 11:00

I am nearly 40 years old and my mother makes me phone her when I get home after visiting her.

People who love you - worry about you. It doesn't mean they see you as incapable.

More that they worry that something that is out of your control will happen to you.

My mother knows and says what a good driver I am. She doesn't think I am incapable of driving myself home. She worries that someone else who IS a shit driver will come along and drive right into me . That won't happen because I am unable to drive. It will happen because someone else was

don't interpret their caring about you as them saying you are lacking in some way.

It's the rest of the world they're worried about!

Pigsmummy · 12/01/2013 12:11

I got mugged on my own street a few years ago, I would love to borrow one of your brothers to walk me home!

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 12/01/2013 13:31

Stealth boast?!

DontmindifIdo · 12/01/2013 13:47

Your DB's have obviously had it drummed into them that a lady shouldn't be made to make her own way home. Yes, they are also then vunerable walking back from yours to their house, but they know that too, therefore they are saying by doing this that they would rather put themselves out and put themselves at risk than you. Thing is, if you have been raised with this, even if you know rationally that they are just as much at risk walking back and that most women are perfectly capable of looking after themselves, it's hard to 'unlearn' being a gentleman.

I would say your mum has done a good job raising her DSs.

(I have heard the view that young men are more likely to be targets of muggings than woman because they are more likely to be walking alone - people like your DB's make effort to make sure woman get home safely but don't bother about male guests, so therefore the male guest is more likely to be attacked)

maddening · 12/01/2013 15:10

Stop feeling unnecessarily pissed off and feel all warm and glowy that you have people who love you :)

Latonia · 12/01/2013 15:13

OP your brothers sound lovely and I'm jealous. Would you like to swap them for a sister who you will only hear from once a year if you're unlucky? I'm convinced she's an alien but no-one will believe me.

wheredidiputit · 12/01/2013 15:36

YABU

My DH always walks my mum home if she been babysitting or like on Christmas day and she left about 4pm. She lives less then 5min around the corner.

When I give lifts home on a night out I always wait till the person I've drop home has gone into their house before I drive home.

It just the way both DH have been brought up.

JustAHolyFool · 12/01/2013 15:37

Going against the grain, this would also piss me off.

Original poster

McNewPants2013 · 12/01/2013 16:37

The talk was in a joking way.

Next week when they walk me home I will just say thanks and be greatful they care.

OP posts:

LilQueenie · 12/01/2013 18:23

YANBU I understand this. Other adults telling an adult how to live. It feels like being treated like a child and so you think they see you as one no matter how well meaning they try to be. Why do they think whatever could happen to you could not happen to them? Male chauvanism maybe?

Flip

1 2 3 4