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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a thank you ...

77 replies

Chickchickadee · 11/01/2013 21:23

I lent somebody my car for two months as I wasn't using it. It is quite a nice car.

They returned it today with a bit of damage which does devalue it, but not significant enough to warrant an insurance claim, and didn't even say thank you. They just put in half a tank if fuel which us what was in it when they borrowed it (but not a drop more).

I didn't expect much, maybe a bottle of wine, but at least the words thank you.

I feel like sending a snotty text.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 12/01/2013 14:32

£400 to replace the hood? That wouldn't have rented a car for a week, let alone two months!

I think you should point this out to him. And look for a new job. Working for a tosser is bad for the self-esteem/soul/blood pressure.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/01/2013 15:25

Do you know, I re-read this today and am fuming, so I'm not surprised you can't sleep.

Is the repair even a good one?

Original poster
Chickchickadee · 12/01/2013 15:30

It's an okay repair, professionally done, but a repair nevertheless. Hmm I'm still very upset and mad about it.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/01/2013 15:34

I didn't expect him to clock up so many miles

Go on, how many did he put on? (seething supportively).

SDeuchars · 12/01/2013 16:06

When I borrow my friend's car, I always return it with a FULL tank - no matter how much was in it when I picked it up. That's because I am grateful to be able to use it and want to be able to do it again in the future.

Original poster
Chickchickadee · 12/01/2013 16:19

Just over 1000 miles which I think is a lot Sad

OP posts:
Charliefox · 12/01/2013 16:38

1000 miles isn't a lot in 2 months for a car being used as your primary car. However, he has taken the piss royally. I too wouldn't be able to leave it, as it would eat me away. I'd have to discuss it with him. Even if it comes to nothing, at least you've said your piece. I'd also be looking for a new role, as I would get the rage every time I clapped eyes on him.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 12/01/2013 16:54

I think 10-12K miles p.a. is the accepted average so he didn't stint himself. Friend's teenage son uses her car, he just pays for fuel and replaces what he uses to the drop not a cc more. I'd fill up the tank, get a full valet or at least wax and polish with a bottle of wine or flowers or baby toys on the passenger seat on return. No thanks at all??

Sounds like your boss has the same casual attitude as my friend's son. Your DH has reacted more calmly than mine would.

Rather than wait for karma I'd be thinking up something sooner.

Original poster
Chickchickadee · 12/01/2013 17:07

Didn't even utter the words. What can I do though? I won't see him to talk to face to face for a bit as I work remotely and he is away for a while anyway. I could email but everything I've drafted sounds so churlish!

OP posts:
bumperella · 12/01/2013 22:19

It could be that if you do nothing he'll hink you're a pushover. Or it could be that if you do something he'll take the huff at you.
How about a "freindly" mail as someone already suggested - "Hope you enjoyed using the car, when you dropped it off I got the impression you hadn't much appreciated it? Will I get the repair done but have garage invoice you, or would you rather sort it all out yourself - can spare the car Teusday and Wednesday next week if you want to arrange to get the hood replaced then" or whatever.
Don't worry about sounding churlish. He sounds like a twat, which is far worse.

INeedThatForkOff · 12/01/2013 23:36

Presumably he took out his own insurance cover on it, in which case the claim for the hood should come from that ...

PurpleRayne · 12/01/2013 23:52

How much extra did it cost to put him on your insurance? Did he at least pay for that?

Inertia · 13/01/2013 00:17

I wouldn't bother talking about lack of appreciation. I would consider emailing asking how he wants to go about replacing the hood - does he want to pay the garage ( you need to go to a garage you trust ) , or should you pass his insurance details on to your insurance company ?

andtheycalleditbunnylove · 13/01/2013 00:20

get yourself a present to thank yourself. it will make you feel better. you could send X the bill.

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 13/01/2013 08:03

time for a new job??

BarredfromhavingStella · 13/01/2013 10:04

Utter twat, I would definitely be sending him a text/email to ask for his insurance details to get the hood replaced as if you are intending to sell the car the damage will devalue it.

I'd also be looking for a new job.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/01/2013 10:27

Ooh, Inertia's suggestion sounds good!

WhateverTrevor · 13/01/2013 10:30

He was in possession of the car so his insurance should cover it.
Do you believe in fairies?
No, then don't rely on karma, it doesn't exist.
Don't let him get away with it.

How much will it devalue the car when it comes to selling it? £400, £1000?
Would you just hand him that amount of money for no reason, how long do you have to work to earn that?
He is taking the piss, don't let him.

TandB · 13/01/2013 10:37

Is this a job you want to stay in long-term? If you are thinking of moving on I would email him as suggested above. Then if he replies and says no, you have evidence which you can use to pursue him through the small claims court when you find another job!

SauvignonBlanche · 13/01/2013 12:13

What a wanker! Shock

QOD · 13/01/2013 12:19

What m utter shit!

ZillionChocolate · 13/01/2013 12:38

"Dear Boss,

I am disappointed that you chose to have the roof repaired rather than replaced without discussion, when my car was in your care. As you know, I intend to sell it in the spring. I have consulted a dealer who estimates that it has reduced its value by £x. I appreciate that it's frustrating that borrowing my car for two months will now have cost you some money, but it's obviously still much cheaper than a commercial rental would have been. I'd be happy with a cheque, or you have my bank details for a direct transfer. I am not asking you to pay me for the depreciation over 1000 miles or wear and tear on tyres etc.

OP"

Original poster
Chickchickadee · 13/01/2013 19:33

I did ask him to put a new hood on and got a quote but he refused saying it was an old hood anyway (which it is, although it had no damage) and he couldn't stomach the cost of a replacement.

The insurance was on my policy and the excess is £300 which he would refuse to pay.

I don't really stand a chance of getting anywhere. I'm still so mad about it, I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 15/01/2013 08:10

I'd email him anyway. Ignore what he's said so far as it's wholly unreasonable. If he replies, that would be useful. I'd hang on to it in case you want to issue a small claim against him later.

ZillionChocolate · 15/01/2013 08:10

(What a tosser!!)