MIL being negative about daughter going on a Year 4 residential trip in June

[bengal38]

My daughter is 9 years old and in June is going on a residential trip with the whole year. My MIL is being very negative saying "I wont be able to sleep at night" and she is also saying to my husband "does she have to go". She is also saying to my daughter when she sees her "do you want to go? are you sure?"

My husband does say she will be fine but how can I handle her as we get on really well?

Atleast she cares. Just tell her your dd is going and that's the end of it.

That would wind me up no end. Tell her you think it's a great adventure for DD and she's looking forward to it and needs those around her to join in the enthusiasm, not put a negative spin on it. My mil was like this and it made one of my DDs nervous about trips away from home.

Maybe point out it is part of the curriculum, the vast majority of children do it and your DD is as able to cope as any?

When she says 'I won't sleep at night', does she mean herself, or you?

That would really annoy me. It's your decision as the parent, and if it's with the whole class, then it's hardly an unusual decision.

She's being daft.

Ignore and smile and nod.

Dd did it and loved it. :)

Ds is year 3 and just got back from his second residential trip, he was fine. When I recieve unsolicited advice I just hmm, nod and say yea i'll think about that. Then don't tell the person anything else about it.

She sounds like my mum. Overprotective to the point of nuts. It's not because she's mean, she genuinely just can't switch off the worry. If you're happy your daughter is ready and with the general organisation of the trip, just stay schtumm, avoid discussing - you and your daughter cannot direct your lives purely to keep her happy. She'll worry - but that's her problem.

Just reply in a "no nonsense" way and she'll give up.
Like if she says "Oh I won't sleep a wink while she's away" say "oo you will be tired" and "does she ^have to go?" say "yes, we've paid" or even just "yes" and change the subject.
And keep telling DD what a lovely time she'll have with all her friends and how it will be like having a giant sleepover and just think she'll get to see if Miss Teacher has a onesie or bunny slippers and stuff like that.

The problem with someone like this though it that they make the worry all about themselves, rather then the person they are supposidly worrying about.

They cause more problems by this self indulgent 'worrying'.

You need to speak to her. Tell hervyour daughter will be going and you don't want her upset about it.

You could maybe ask her what her fears are and see if you could allay them.

None of her business. My father was disapproving of DS going on a school trip to the US aged 11 (to take part in a competition). I ignored him; DS had a great time. DD has also been doing PGL trips with school since age 9 (loves them).

Both DCs have been involved in regular activities like climbing that my over-anxious/over-protective mother worries about, as she does about any travelling we do (we do lots), me going out by myself at night (I'm 44 ffs) and so on in a long list.

I take the robust attitude that no one has the right to project their anxieties on to anyone else or try to restrict them from doing what they want to do. Mostly I just let my mother's anxieties wash over me, but I occasionally come out with a few sharp words when she starts going over the top, and that puts a lid on it for a while.

Unless your DD is particularly anxious or easily influenced she will be much more caught up in the excitement of planning the trip with her school friends than listening to anything boring Granny has to say.

What is she worried about? I bet if we had a show of hands on here, they are hundred of parents of former yr4 kids, who sucessfully went on a residential!

Yup - raising hand here for yr 4/5/6/7/8 - the year 8 one was in France and involved white-water rafting & jumping into rivers. I did not give my mother a full run-down of the planned activities in advance...

We always knew never to mention overnight trips to my nan before they happened. My mum said that if she didn't know she couldn't worry. I will apply the same because my mum has inherited the worry gene (suspect I have too).

Yup! 2 DCs both went off yr4, 5, 6 and DS also in 7 and 8 as well as skiing (one trip each) and DS soon to head for Far East with senior school.
OP's MIL needs to lay off. If its DCs first time away the anxiety might be building up anyway. Why make it worse?
Besides, they don't start handing out the booze until much later

Yr 2 at our school go on an overnight trip! When I was that age (7 nearly 8) I went off to boarding school...

My 9 year old son was out camping with the cubs at the end of October last year. He had a ball! All part of growing up and gaining confidence and important that your DD goes and enjoys the trip and MIL is not allowed to project her anxieties onto her.

Agree with LadyMargolotta. In my MIL's case it's to make a big show of caring so that we will all look at her. Bugger the fall-out and effects on DGC. Loves playing the martyr my MIL!

She may well 'not sleep at night' (although I doubt it) but it was rather self-indulgent of her to disclose that. Sometimes we have to hide our overprotectiveness/anxiety towards our loved ones to let them fly. I would do exactly what PomBear suggests.

We used to go to Colomendy camp for a week at the age of 7. Most kids were absolutely fine with it and it was a huge adventure we all looked forward too.
Tell your MIL she will be fine, the biggest concern you will have is when the clothes come back and only 1 pair of knickers have been used and her toothbrush is dry

The school will have at least one parents' meeting, where they will show slides or films from last year's trip. Take MIL along, let her ask the Head as many questions as she likes to put her mind at rest. Bless her for caring so much.

I was 7 when I went to 'camp' with the GLB. We travelled to Selsey on the back of a lorry, filled our own palliasses, slept on the floor of the Methodist Hall, were allowed on the beach more or less unsupervised and I remember it all to this day. Funfilled!

I think my parents couldn't wait to get rid of me for a week!

A case to smile, nod, say 'she will be fine' and change the subject. Never alter from those words- it gives her a way in.