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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be automatically afraid and suspicious when a stranger approaches me?

33 replies

Boomerwang · 11/01/2013 16:38

Walking back from my child's grandparents' house I was approached by a man speaking to me. After a few seconds it transpired he wanted to know about my pushchair as he has a pregnant daughter and wanted to get a good one for her. He'd never seen my type of pushchair before.

I was suspicious as to whether this was a ploy to get closer to my handbag, which was dangling off a hook on the handles. When he tried to put his foot on the brake I had a load of thoughts shooting through my mind, front and foremost that he'd steal my purse and the next one was that he was going to grab the pushchair off me and walk away with my baby.

When we departed I breathed a sigh of relief that we were unharmed, but it didn't stop me wondering if perhaps he'd changed his mind or got scared off by something.

It's not that I think everybody wants to hurt me and mine, it's just not knowing anything about a person that makes me afraid before relaxing, rather than the other way around. What a shame :(

OP posts:
marjproops · 11/01/2013 16:49

Thats enough to creep me out!

thing is its hard to tell these days if someones genuine or not.

Ive been assaulted in the street before so every time i go out, EVERY time, I get the heebeebeegees if someone approaches me, they may just be asking for directions or the time but i actually get on the defensive and prepare to defend me and DC!!!! awful isnt it when you cant trust people?

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis · 11/01/2013 16:53

I get it too whenever I go out of an evening which is never
It'l be interesting to read the replys to see if i'm being paranoid or if most feel like this.

WowOoo · 11/01/2013 16:55

I tend to think the best of people, mostly.

I don't mind being approached but maybe you had a feeling about this guy. Did you give him permission to test out and touch your pushchair? - I'd be pissed off with that.

I too have been mugged and assaulted many years ago. I like to think I can judge who's dodgy and who is not. But, I know from experience that my perception is warped and unreliable!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/01/2013 16:55

It could just be that with your DC you are extra vigilant. Not saying for a minute that every stranger is a potential thief or assailant but no bad thing to be aware and pay attention to any clanging bell in your head that alerts you to a potential hazard. Mother Nature, conditioned reflex or too many cop shows, but we've all probably felt what you did at some time or other. You may have unwittingly picked up on some tension or body language from him. If anything does ever kick off in broad daylight chances are you'd be too stunned to react instantly, we're so drilled to be polite and not make a fuss.

Crinkle77 · 11/01/2013 16:55

well if he put his foot on the brake then ther eis something to be suspicious about. Just make sure that you have your bag over your sholuder going with the strap going across your body. It would be less easy for someone to grab

thebody · 11/01/2013 16:59

No I would have been scared too especially at him touching the pushchair.

SucksToBeMe · 11/01/2013 17:08

I would be nervous too if approached like that. I am happy to chat to strangers when in a line/on a bus/dentist waiting room etc. My dad is extremely friendly and I can almost see people recoil from him when he sparks up conversation, he does look like Phil Mitchell though!

Nancy66 · 11/01/2013 17:10

I don't like cars pulling in alongside me and me having to lean into their window to give directions - that freaks me out.

chandellina · 11/01/2013 17:13

Yanbu, if you have a weird feeling about it it's probably weird.

RuleBritannia · 11/01/2013 17:19

I don't know why you are so nervous of someone talking to you in the street. Some of you have been attacked in the past so you are excepted but if someone were to stop me to ask the time, I would try to help.

I have stopped my car at the kerb to ask directions on the way to a crematorium 50 miles away because I thought I was lost and was given them straightaway. The woman who helped did not look scared and she had a pushchair.

I wish passers by a good morning if I see them close enough. I'm not going to run off with their handbags or children or wallets or hit them.

Just answer with a smile while holding on to your things if it's that bad for you.

nailak · 11/01/2013 17:29

you leave your handbag on the back of the pushchair? that is a bit dangerous, if you turn you head to look at traffic or go to front to see your dc that is enough time for someone to grab it!!

I think it is very sad there are people who are afraid to help others.

Original poster
Boomerwang · 11/01/2013 17:38

RuleBritannia are you male? It's only men or groups of any gender that make me wary. If a single woman started talking I'd not find it scary at all. Even if she was hostile.

Why is that? Do I think I could take on a woman but not a man if I had to? I'm more afraid for my baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerwang · 11/01/2013 17:41

nailak you're right, it is dangerous. I want one of those bags that strap on to your pushchair and are much harder to pull off. Not sure where in Sweden to get one and I'm a bit wary of going mail order in case it doesn't fit. I'm getting a new pushchair soon and I want it to fit both.

OP posts:
RuleBritannia · 11/01/2013 17:49

Boomerwang

After a fit of the giggles, I have to admit, and be pleased to do so, that I am not a man!

Ragwort · 11/01/2013 17:55

I stop and talk to people all the time Blush - but I have always lived in fairly rural areas/small towns so I guess that's the norm. Not long ago I was hopelessly lost and stopped and asked someone for directions, it was all so complicated that I begged the bloke to come with me in the car to help me find my way, he refused (must have thought I was bonkers Grin).

I've got a sat nav now (!!).

I still talk to anyone, people used to stop and ask me about my son's pushchair, I think its quite flattering acutally Smile.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 11/01/2013 17:59

I didn't know you are in Sweden OP, no reason I would, but anyway, have you lived there long, (you may be Swedish of course!) do you feel quite confident generally?

Narked · 11/01/2013 17:59

I'm very suspicious of anyone who asks directions and expects me to lean into their car window. The last time it happened to me it was a midwife! I still stand back from the car and shout a bit though.

MadBusLady · 11/01/2013 18:00

I am suspicious and always make it very clear that I am clamping my bag and stuff firmly out of the way if someone starts talking to me - if their purpose is innocent, they won't mind (or even notice).

Think it is very weird he tried the brake if this was without your permission!

ZooAnimals · 11/01/2013 18:00

I understand this.

Just the other day a teenage lad in a hoody was approaching me, I could see him veering over to me, and I though he was going to grab my bag or similar, when he got to me he said 'excuse me, have you got a tissue?', by then I had my mind made up to just keep walking, so I just said 'no, sorry' and kept going.

I did have a tissue and felt really bad that I hadn't given him one. This was at 3pm, so not even dark or late. If it had been an old lady, I would have stopped and helped. I judged him on his age and clothing. I feel terrible, but I know I'd do it again, which makes me feel even worse because I really thought I'm not a judgemental person.

MadBusLady · 11/01/2013 18:04

Thinking about it, I mostly do this because my friend got her phone stolen a few years ago in a cafe in the following way. Two women came in and asked her for directions. One spread a map out on the table and the other nicked her phone from underneath.

Apparently it was a whole spate of similar incidents. They trust that you're going to be socially engaged with talking to them/making eye contact etc so you won't secure your possessions.

Narked · 11/01/2013 18:15

I use so little cash now that I've taken to carrying a card wallet thing and a coin purse with 5 pound coins for car parking/trollies/lockers. The card thing lives in my inside zippy coat pocket. I figure I'm more likely to notice someone touching near my breasts than someone unzipping my handbag. If they run off with my handbag they'd get £5, antibacterial hand gel, tissues and wipes. And a comb that I got in a Christmas cracker in 2010.

catgirl1976 · 11/01/2013 18:21

I live in an area where muggings etc wouldn't even cross my mind

I've never minded people approaching me

Putting a foot on the brake of my pushchair would make me a bit WTF?? though

Original poster
Boomerwang · 11/01/2013 19:12

Donkeys I'm pretty confident, actually. I'm not one to get shy or embarrassed. The Swedes find me a bit obnoxious, I believe. They're not used to the British style of customer service or chit chat. I once bought more than I could afford in a shop and I asked the cashier to take things off. She gave me such an odd, surprised look. I chatted away saying things like 'I promise not to do this to you again!' and then I realised most people were staring. I wondered if I was being loud but I really think they're just not used to people who don't turn bright red and shuffle off.

I'm not a gobby cow though, and I always smile at people who walk past me in the street. Lots of people say 'hej' to me and a few ignore me. My boyfriend says Swedes like to keep themselves to themselves. I must admit, I've never seen any trouble here, I've carried this attitude over from the UK.

OP posts:
TinyDancingHoofer · 11/01/2013 19:24

I live in london and feel fine chatting to/ being approached by strangers, unless there's obvious "weird" vibes. Some of you do sound a bit paranoid but understandable if you have had a bad experience.

LalyRawr · 11/01/2013 19:53

My story to tell about being approached by strangers/ 'thug' teenagers probably saved my life.

I was walking home at about 11pm after finishing the late shift at work. There was a group of about 5 stereotypical 'thug' teenagers walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the road.

One of them shouts out 'Hey Sarah!' (Nowhere near close to my name) and they all cross the road coming towards me. I freak out, especially as one then grabs me in a bear hug. As he does, he whispers in my ear 'guy behind you just pulled a knife out, play along'.

So I pretended like I knew them and we were all old friends and they walked with me (in the same direction they just came, as I look behind me, the guy who pulled the knife was walking back on himself, away from us) and called the police as we went. Police later picked the guy up and he was carrying some nasty looking knife.

Never have I judged a teenager again!