To not try DHs soup

[peacefuloptimist]

My DH was quite rude about my cooking yesterday. He is a really fussy eater (he doesnt even like his own mother's cooking). Every other month he suddenly goes off a certain type of food that I cook which he had previously been eating quite happily. This puts me in a predicament because Im suddenly not able to make a dish that I have learnt and perfected because he just wont eat it. Before it was spaghetti bolognaise. Yesterday he declared that he doesnt like rice anymore (well unless I can make him biryani - the cheek!). Anyway after a very heated discussion DH said that he would cook today and he decided to make soup. My DH has no clue how to cook by the way and after glimpsing how he made it (just banging all the vegetables and meat in and leaving it to boil for about 30 mins) I really dont feel like trying it especially since he added lamb to it which I really dont think is cooked properly through. I am still a bit annoyed about his comment yesterday (that I cook the same couple of dishes all the time, this is regardless of the fact that the only thing he knows how to make is fried eggs for breakfast). I have a 4 month old ds and dont have the time (or inclination) to learn new recipes. Normally the few times he does attempt to make dinner I always eat it and am pleasant about it. But today I want to demonstrate my displeasure about what he said yesterday. AIBU to put burgers and chips in the oven for my dinner and boycott his probably poisonous soup.

Ugh what a man child. I am glad you have got fed up with it (no pun intended) and will stop pandering to it.

There is no reason (except disability) for an adult not to cook at least a few basic meals! But so many men seem to get away with it for their whole lives... because they are men.

Anyway - time for change. You could even make a date of it, say once or twice a week you will spend time together in the evening (after DS is in bed) and cook something together - either you teach him something or you both learn a new recipe together.

lottie that is already what we do now. The freezer is full of things that are quick to make which he likes to eat but as you suspected its all junk. Pizzas, chips, burgers, garlic bread etc. He doesnt feel like he needs to set an example right now because ds is so little.

Its interesting that people find this so weird. I always thought this type of behaviour was relatively common. When I lived at home my dm sometimes had to make 3 dinners a night. One that my dad would eat (he didnt like having any type of meat dishes in general mostly eating purely vegetarian dishes), one for the rest of us and then sometimes one for my younger two siblings who were really fussy eaters as kids. My younger sister has grown out of it (though she doesnt eat much in general) but my brother is still the same eating only certain types of food mostly junk (I pity his future wife). The difference is that they didnt go 'off' food. My dad eats the same type of food all year round with little variation so is quite easy to cook for.

Because of his fussiness I only bother to cook one meal a day for my DH (I cant be bothered to remember what he likes and doesnt like for breakfast and he has lunch at work so he deals with those himself) its just dinner I cater for. Im less picky so I just cook whatever he likes but the frustrating thing is when he stops liking something. Thats what gets to me because then I have to find some replacement or have leftover food which he refuses to chuck (doesnt believe in wasting food ) so I either have to eat it or throw it away myself.

He sounds like a PITA and a much worse version of my DP

What id do is meal plan and show it to him and that's what's ring done no arguments, if he doesn't want/eat it then tough and he can sort himself out and you go ahead and make what's planned. If you really stick to it and never change the plan for him then he'll get fed up of cooking for himself and eat it

fuzzpig I thinks thats a good idea. If I have to learn a new recipe then he should learn it too. After yesterday's soup he said he would cook more often so hoping there will be a change.

And no, more than one evening meal is not normal.

NotSoNervous, the meal plan is definitely a good idea. Its something I have never used before but I can see how it would solve a lot of problems. Funnily enough DH once made a meal plan for me of what he wanted for the week. Typed it up and printed it off and everything. I found it really funny at the time (and ignored it) but if it means that I dont have leftover food I guess I will try to follow it through.

Does he have food issues, or use food as a way of control?
It all sounds so tedious. I like a man who wolfs down anything put in front of him!

My first thought was that he's looking for things to pick at. But then, I get sick of eating the same thing if I have to too often. Sometimes I think "if I have to eat so-and-so again I think I will actually cry" but then, I'm normally the one cooking, so I can usually find a way around it myself. I also pick the mushrooms out if they are big enough to see. But, that is the only thing I would pick out of any meal.

In terms of solutions, yes, he does need to be more appreciative of your efforts, and yes, he does need to learn how to cook. Did he enjoy his own soup, btw? Maybe he could cook one night a week, and make some suggestions for a meal plan for the rest of the week? He needs to contribute in some way, rather than just eating what he likes and binning the rest. It must result in so much waste, that would piss me right off.

Alternatives to rice and pasta could be mashed potato, chips, quinoa (not sure if he would eat it but it's worth a go), cous cous, bulgar wheat, noodles. Those Ainsley Harriott packets of cous cous are quite nice, the yellow one especially. Cous cous is pretty easy to flavour yourself though if you buy it plain, but the packets are convenient if you are short of time or cba.

Ah, cross posted with a few people there. I see he already eats plenty of chips, so not those as an alternative to rice etc then. If he hates waste, tell him the best way to avoid it is to EAT IT!

I have absolutely no time for adult fussy eaters. If he doesn't like your cooking I would just stop making him dinner.

He makes you eat leftovers that it's beneath him to eat? This gets worse!

You're welcome to come and cook for us instead, we're much more appreciative!

Cannot believe the extnt to which you pander to his whims.

I need to ask if you have self esteem issues, as a selfrespecting partner woud not put up, let alone pander, to this kind of food bullying.

Sorry to put it so harshly, but IMO being a sahm does not eqal being a domestic servant.

Penny, couscous was the first thing that came on the list of things he won't eat which is a shame because I really like it. He has a milk allergy which is used as an excuse to not have dishes with yoghurt or cream in them (I had to stop making my mum's chicken tikka recipe - which I love - which has cream in it cause of this, but that is another one he went off of) but he will have cheese.

Is he gradually vetoing the meals that you like?

That's a shame Peaceful. My DP doesn't like it either. We have our own fussiness issues here, but nothing on the scale that you're dealing with. For example, I like my vegetables to have a bit of texture, he likes them cooked til they're soft. He absolutely insists upon meat with every meal, he can't comprehend a meat-free meal. Most times I cater to his tastes, but now and again I cook what I damn well feel like (I love to spring a lentil dahl on him occasionally), and he generally eats it without complaint because he is grateful that he gets the majority of his meals cooked for him. He also knows that if he complained, the response would be "well when YOU'RE cooking, YOU can decide what we have."

Allergies are not excuses and are not inconsistent. You are either allergic or you aren't.

Whatever his reasons for behaving like this (and they could be benign), he just sounds really really annoying. I think I would gradually lose respect for someone like this, unless he really ups the ante and starts teaching himself how to cook, and makes an effort to cook for you too. I wouldn't bother trying to get him to learn new recipes with you either, that could easily turn into a 'you being the teacher and him staying the petulant child' type scenario.

I'm a fussy eater and have an unfortunately limited list of meals that I'll eat. Your DH is not a fussy eater, he is a pain in the arse with weird control issues around food (who asks specifically for a cake to be baked that they don't want to eat? I'd never suggest that my DH make a cherry cake then pick all the cherries out, I'd go for chocolate cake instead).

He sounds like he's 5 years old. Ask him to grow a pair and do his own effing cooking.

Penny I have the same problem with cooking meat-free meals. The only meat-free thing he will eat is pizza and chips but now he has started adding cooked mince meat to the top of ready made pizzas when they go in the oven. All the meat in the week I have to eat makes me feel ill (and is expensive). We sometimes compromise and have fish instead but that is maybe once a week.

When I was working fulltime I didnt really take his likes and dislikes into consideration that much. I just cooked what I felt up to making when I got home. This used to lead to him getting a bit stroppy if it was something he told me he didnt like. Since I stopped working I have made more of an effort to cook the things he likes for dinner but I wouldnt say that makes me a domestic servant. Isnt it food bullying to only cook what you like for the rest of the family as well? He does help around the house when he is at home (he works long days so by the time he gets home in the week most things are done but he will tidy the kitchen up after I have cooked) and has offered to cook in the past but to be honest I have discouraged him. I can cook better then him and would rather not have to eat something bland or terrible tasting. Sometimes when he has cooked I just think that was a waste of chicken or lamb or whatever but I never say it to him. I think I will start teaching him to cook though or learning how to cook new things together. Then he can help meet his own needs. He didnt really like his soup yesterday. He was a bit sheepish about the whole thing.

noblegiraffe he likes the pineapple flavour of the cake and the caramel topping but not the actual pineapple pieces. Go figure.

I agree it would be selfish if you ONLY cooked what you like, just as it would be selfish of him to expect you to only cook what he likes. There has to be give and take, compromise on both sides. (Hence why I end up putting bastard mushrooms in nearly everything I cook.)

If he has offered to cook and you have discouraged it though, perhaps he could be forgiven for thinking you'd prefer to do it yourself. It's good that his soup experiment has got him thinking though, and I think this is a good point to move on from.

I'd be really interested to hear how he explains to you that you must eat leftovers which he will not eat. That's on a whole different level from the fussiness. It says he thinks you are less than him.

I agree MrsPenny. I think weekly meal plans, joint-cooking lessons in the weekend and compromise (cooking what I like sometimes) are the way to go.

Lottie he doesnt tell me I must eat the leftovers. He just refuses to eat them or throw them away. So Im left with either eating them, throwing them away or leaving them to rot in the fridge, microwave or oven because he will never throw it in the bin because he doesnt believe in wasting food He is a strange character in more ways then one but I do love him very much and would really like to make our lives a lot easier and hassle free when it comes to food.

He may think he 'believes' in not wasting food as an abstract concept but the evidence says otherwise doesn't it! That's pretty deluded.