To not try DHs soup

[peacefuloptimist]

My DH was quite rude about my cooking yesterday. He is a really fussy eater (he doesnt even like his own mother's cooking). Every other month he suddenly goes off a certain type of food that I cook which he had previously been eating quite happily. This puts me in a predicament because Im suddenly not able to make a dish that I have learnt and perfected because he just wont eat it. Before it was spaghetti bolognaise. Yesterday he declared that he doesnt like rice anymore (well unless I can make him biryani - the cheek!). Anyway after a very heated discussion DH said that he would cook today and he decided to make soup. My DH has no clue how to cook by the way and after glimpsing how he made it (just banging all the vegetables and meat in and leaving it to boil for about 30 mins) I really dont feel like trying it especially since he added lamb to it which I really dont think is cooked properly through. I am still a bit annoyed about his comment yesterday (that I cook the same couple of dishes all the time, this is regardless of the fact that the only thing he knows how to make is fried eggs for breakfast). I have a 4 month old ds and dont have the time (or inclination) to learn new recipes. Normally the few times he does attempt to make dinner I always eat it and am pleasant about it. But today I want to demonstrate my displeasure about what he said yesterday. AIBU to put burgers and chips in the oven for my dinner and boycott his probably poisonous soup.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

" Every other month he suddenly goes off a certain type of food that I cook which he had previously been eating quite happily. "
I would not describe this as fussy eating. Fussy eaters are a pain, but they're usually consistent. No this, no that. But he is no this now, no that now. It really just sounds as if he's deliberately being a pain, because he can.

OP, how is he generally, apart from this 'going off' previously favoured foods crap?

[AbuseHamzaMousseCake]

My DH started doing this - turning up his nose at my cooking. My response was to to continue to cook for myself and children, he can choose to eat what we are having or make himself something else. I try to meal plan now so he can see what I am planning and make his own arrangements. But he is a pretty good cook anyway and it doesn't bother me. What does bother me are the snide comments and leaving his dirty washing up for me to sort! I have tried leaving it at the side but he just ignores it and I am the one that ends up pissed off and washing it up as I need the pans.

[Mrsmkat]

I would try the soup otherwise you're negating the very point you are trying to make about it being rude.

I have to say that I am a chef, and people make "requests" all the time - but I would not tolerate that nonsense. Your DH is taking the absolute piss!

[peacefuloptimist]

Thanks for the replies. ElectricMonk that sounds like a good plan.

Anonymumous I know that is generally how you make soups but I thought your supposed to leave it for longer and also add the meat first because it takes longer to cook then the veggies.

Snatch and PomBear he does sometimes make toast if he doesn't want to eat what I've made. He has it with chocolate spread he wouldn't ordinarily say anything if he doesn't like what I've made but will just make excuses not to eat it (not hungry) and will make toast or put chips in the oven.

I did try his 'soup' by the way. It was more like a sauce/stew though to be honest. The meat and veg were not tender enough for it to be a soup.It was okay just a bit bland. He seemed a bit embarrassedtthough so I didn't make a big issue of it. I normally never criticise his cooking because I don't want to put him off.

I think I have pandered to it a bit so need to take steps to rectify that. The problem is really that he gets bored and wants to eat different food all the time. Problem is I am no nigella and don't want to make a career out of cooking him gourmet food. I'm going to start encouraging him to cook more. If he sees that it's not as easy as he thinks he perhaps will stop pestering me to make somethingnew. I've already started just cooking what I want but usually make an additional dish for him that he will eat so end up cooking two dinners. This is unfeasible now with ds.

[peacefuloptimist]

When we first got married I couldn't cook that well but better then him if you see what I mean. So I got quite insecure about it and started actively trying to improve by learning new dishes, listening to his feedback hence the pandering. Now I have grown in confidence and actually really enjoy my food (if I do say so myself) so I know for sure now the problem is him not me. He lived on his own for years before we got together but never learned to cook. Instead he lived ontakeaways. I think it has spoilt hIs pallet (sp?). Like I said he doesn't even like eating what my dmil makes which seems to me quite unusual.

[edam]

You sound very patient - far too patient for your own good! It's palate, btw.

[DeepRedBetty]

I don't want to sound like we're in the depths of Relationships, but he doesn't seem to have any idea of how offensive his food foibles are to you does he?

[peacefuloptimist]

Thanks edam. Knew I spelt it wrong.

[peacefuloptimist]

He does try not to comment it's normally the way he behaves (like picking things out of the food ) that gives the game away. To his credit he does tell me that I'm a good cook and sometimes comments that the food is delicious but I don't believe him cause of the way he acts

[StinkyWicket]

This 'make excuses not to eat it (not hungry) and will make toast' is what my 11 year old DSS does and it drives me potty! All of a sudden he doesn't like chicken, doesn't like anything apart from pizza and basically anything junk foody

We don't put up with it, neither does his mother. He eats what he is given or he goes hungry. He is behaving like a spoilt child and tbh if he thinks it's fine to pass comment on the food you cook then why wouldn't you with his? Make him realise how hurtful it can be to spend the time cooking a meal for your partner only to have them turn their nose up at it?

PS - my DH lived on takeaways and beer for a long time before we got together, doesn't stop him from eating properly and appreciating the time I take to cook for him.

We all go off foods for a while, I am as guilty as the next person for buying yoghurts then leaving them in the fridge for yonks but I'm not such a baby I pretend I don't like them rather than eating them!

[StinkyWicket]

Have you told him how hurtful this is by the way?

[peacefuloptimist]

No. But he has been unusually helpful and affectionate this evening. Guilty conscience?

[peacefuloptimist]

Off to bed now sorry if I miss any replies. Thanks for all the helpful comments.

[Bogeyface]

My H lived on his own for 30 years before we got together, never cooked and lived on crap.

He has lost weight and yet eats more now!

Has this got worse since you had the baby or was pg? Sounds like a toddler-esque response to not getting as much attention. "Look at me! Look at me!! This food is rubbish, prove you love me by making me something else and paying attention to me!"

Pathetic.

I would take the bull by the horns and insist on a doctors appointment to deal with his "eating disorder".

[BookieMonster]

Stop cooking for him.

[Kytti]

He does sound a bit odd. Don't know what advice I could offer other than make him cook his own bloody meals!

Soup can be cooked in 30 mins though. It might be OK.

[LibraryMum8]

I think his behaviour goes way and above being fussy. He's being passive aggressive IMO about something else.

Sorry, would not eat his undercooked mukky soup. And I'd stop cooking for him until I got to the bottom of what his true problem was. It's obvious it's not your cooking...something else is weird here.

[peacefuloptimist]

I haven't even told you the most annoying aspect of his 'eating disorders'. He won't eat the something two days in a row so I have to cook everyday and hates vegetables unless I can disguise them by chopping them really small or flavouring in such a way that their taste changes. It really limits what I can do. Anyway I'm just venting now. Original dilemma solved I tried the 'soup'. Bogey he has always been like this. I knew I was going to have issues with his eating habits early on in our relationship. He is quite lean (for a man) because of it. I'm a bit chubby so sometimes I worry people think I don't feed him properly and am eating everything myself

[LoopsInHoops]

Sounds like he needs some medical help to be honest. This level of fussiness is not normal for a grown adult. Does he have any serious insecurities/phobias or anything like that?

[TheDemonShedMaster]

My DP is not a fussy eater, but not much help when I'm meal planning and I ask if there is anything he would like to eat this week. I got so frustrated with the "Ummmm....dunno..." that I stuck my food magazine (Delicious) under his nose and suggested he pick out some things that look good. The upshot is, that now not only will he pick things but, on occasion, he will offer to cook them. And as it happens, he's pretty good at it (phew). Maybe suggest to your DH that he chooses and cooks the meal once or twice a week? Or sit down and meal plan together - it may just shine a light on his ridiculous behaviour and give him something to think about...And if he gets fussy about what you are providing, let him sort himself out.

[Onezerozero]

Why are you 'the cook' when he is so particular?

[LoopsInHoops]

And yes, do not cook for him (unless perhaps he does genuinely have OCD and is genuinely unable to cook for himself).

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

Blimey, you are much more patient than me. I don't think I'd bother cooking for him again. I'd cook for yourself and DS, DH can sort himself out. Have a couple of weeks of cooking all your favourite meals, or trying things that had previously been off-limits. DH can either suck it up and eat some too, cook for himself, or he can live on toast for a fortnight. He's a grwon man, so he can fend for himself, and if he's going to be so rude and fussy he doesn't deserve pandering to.

[diddl]

He´s not fussy-just demanding & ignorant!

I do understand how you might one time not fancy something that you usually like-but to not want it ever again is ridiculous.

Cook what you want & he either eats it or cooks for himself imo.

[lottiegarbanzo]

He's just spoilt. We'd all like to have our own chef cooking to order daily, pandering to our whims. We'd all like different meals every day. Most of us are aware that a domestic kitchen doesn't work the same way as a restaurant, there's one meal for everyone and ingredients and leftovers need using.

I can see how it's come to this. He's said 'could you...?' And you've said 'ok, I'll give it a go'. Stop saying that. It might have made sense when you were learning and extending your range, it doesn't now that you're managing a family's meals.

It could help to have a supply of things that he likes and are quick and easy to heat up, in the freezer, then if he doesn't like what's for dinner, he can cook himself one of these. He needs to try the main meal though and eat as much of it as possible and the extra food can't be attractive junk, or your DS will just copy. What example does your DH think he's setting, or does he see his wants as paramount?