To not try DHs soup

[peacefuloptimist]

My DH was quite rude about my cooking yesterday. He is a really fussy eater (he doesnt even like his own mother's cooking). Every other month he suddenly goes off a certain type of food that I cook which he had previously been eating quite happily. This puts me in a predicament because Im suddenly not able to make a dish that I have learnt and perfected because he just wont eat it. Before it was spaghetti bolognaise. Yesterday he declared that he doesnt like rice anymore (well unless I can make him biryani - the cheek!). Anyway after a very heated discussion DH said that he would cook today and he decided to make soup. My DH has no clue how to cook by the way and after glimpsing how he made it (just banging all the vegetables and meat in and leaving it to boil for about 30 mins) I really dont feel like trying it especially since he added lamb to it which I really dont think is cooked properly through. I am still a bit annoyed about his comment yesterday (that I cook the same couple of dishes all the time, this is regardless of the fact that the only thing he knows how to make is fried eggs for breakfast). I have a 4 month old ds and dont have the time (or inclination) to learn new recipes. Normally the few times he does attempt to make dinner I always eat it and am pleasant about it. But today I want to demonstrate my displeasure about what he said yesterday. AIBU to put burgers and chips in the oven for my dinner and boycott his probably poisonous soup.

[MrsPennyapple]

Same here about learning to cook. My mum once remarked "I don't know where you get your cooking ability, certainly not from me." I left home knowing only how to grill burgers and make chips. (Not even good chips either, I do them differently now :) )

[PureQuintessence]

Just buy a Jamie Oliver book and follow the recipes, one by one.

[CastingNasturtiums]

No, no one ever taught me or DH how to cook. Some things in life you just pick up on your own, don't you? Being able to feed yourself doesn't require lessons. And people blaming mothers for not teaching their sons to cook is really quite irritating.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

I don't think anyone ever really taught me to cook, or my brother.

We both cook far better than my mum, just from following recipes then experimenting.

[CastingNasturtiums]

Oh and the other benefit of him choosing meals to cook for you both himself is that he can't complain about them and you don't have to feel bad and responsible for his dinners. It doesn't have to be very complicated meals that need 'learning' anyway. Most of the things we make are 'throw together' meals that take less than half an hour.

[bigkidsdidit]

Does what food YOU like ever get considered?

[CastingNasturtiums]

peaceful that sounds good. The way DH and I do it is when we feel like we need to add a few new dishes to our repertoire (blimey that sounds posh), we both have a look for new recipes, usually on the BBC food website, and both take on a couple of new ones each to try. That means when he cooks, he does 'his' dishes, and when I cook I do 'mine'. Then there's no disagreements over how they're cooked and we get lots of variety.

[peacefuloptimist]

His dad was not around when he was a kid. That is a whole other thread. But maybe he can teach ds when he gets older.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

...or his dad should have done it, maybe

[peacefuloptimist]

This has turned into a relationships thread I would have probably got several ltbs by now if I had posted there.

[peacefuloptimist]

Hi lottie. I have tolerated his 'eccentricity' in the past so he has definitely become complacent. Since ds was born though my frustration with dh's ways has grown and I have been a lot more assertive with him as a consequence. He is quite slow to respond but has started to change. I don't think he is deliberately being so awkward with food. He would be shocked If he read some of these comments. I agree with
CheeseandPickled that he is getting bored which is why I took up someone's suggestion of learning new dishes in the weekend together. I don't mean I want to take responsibility for teaching Dh how to cook but just that if Im going to learn how to cook something new then he should learn it as well. I think this will work as he is a bit of a homebody so is in the house underfoot most of the weekend. If Dh knows how to cook that will send a good example to ds that men should be able to look after themselves and cooking is not women's work. So its in my interest to help him improve his skills rather than just leaving him to continue to keep his skills to the level of making toast and putting ready-made food in the oven to heat up. His mum should have really done this though.

[Spuddybean]

My dh is odd with food too. He has a personality where he fixates on things and does them over and over again then not at all. So he says words again and again, he will watch a section of a film on loop for hours etc. This translates into food, he will want something loads then suddenly stop mid mouthful and say he doesn't like it anymore. Pasta is the most recent.

Also tbf to your DH, i and no one i know (apart from my DH) would eat the same thing 2 days in a row. I would rarely have chicken twice for example, even if they were different dishes.

The other problem i have is that DH will never cook and is happy to buy his own food if i don't. But he spends about £30 per day doing so. which is ridiculous.

Having said that, he is trying and had bought the 15 min book by Jamie Oliver and has said he will start cooking things from that, so fingers crossed.

Going thru a recipe book together sounds like a good idea for you both.

I'm just off to read the meatball thread...

[Crinkle77]

Let him make his own tea from now on

[CheeseandPickledOnion]

I agree with everything that's been said here.

One thing I have picked up on, is it does sound like you do a very limited set of dishes. Clearly I understand this is because of his pickiness. But I wonder if he is going off meals because he is so limited and therefore getting bored.

Perhaps going through some recipe books together and trying to come up with some new ideas that can be adjusted to cope with his likes and dislikes would help?

Of course i'm not saying panda to him, because I don't think you should. But trying to find more different varied meals may make it easier for all of you?

[lottiegarbanzo]

Wow, meatball thread! That is the opposite of drip-feeding - tsunami-feeding!

Anyway, I don't get that vibe here at all, your DH just sounds a bit peculiar, spoilt and complacent - someone who lacks the pride in himself as an adult to mind about being mollycoddled, since it's easier than learning to do things himself (lots of people do this with something, cooking, DIY, cars, and settle into fixed roles in relationships, especially I've noticed if they get together young, so they never have to attempt the other set of skills) but he's unusal in the extent to which he's prepared to put you out to indulge his whims, which suggests complacency about the relationship too, he takes your endless patience and desire to please for granted.

Is there any chance he's playing up because the baby is distracting your attention from him? Nothing has suggested that, his oddness sounds consistent over time, just checking.

His 'not believing in wasting food' is one of the funniest things I've read. (He needs to make the decision about putting each thing in the fridge, for a stated purpose, recognising that you like nice food and variety as much as he does, or in the bin).

Anyway, what about the future? It may be some years before you eat dinner together regularly as a family, if you eat after the baby goes to bed but the 'example' issue needs to be considered. In the meantime, what about weaning? Whether doing puree or BLW you may well want to use some of the previous night's dinner for the baby's lunch. That will have an impact on what you cook and how.

Right now, you need to making things easy on yourself, doing what's needed for the baby and to keep the house ticking over and resting when you can, not doing extra work. I think the meal plan and online shop option is a good one. You can post the week's meals in the kitchen, incorporating leftovers and he can plan to fill the gaps, as he perceives them, with his own things and give you a list of these for the shopping. He could also take responsibility for a meal or two. Surely if you are looking after the baby, you don't have time to teach him to cook? In our house one person does bath and bedtime, the other cooks, so if you are EBF he would be doing all the cooking.

Come to think of it FIL is very fussy, liking only quite plain foods but is very consistent. MIL likes spicy, interesting things. They eat a few 'compromise' simple meals together in the week, then some with an interesting element and a plain one and, for visitors, more interesting things, in which case he does himself a baked potato, or some plain meat. It works because they both recognise they are compromising and doing their best to accommodate each other.

[MonaLotte]

*something not so,eyeing!

[MonaLotte]

WTF? If he didn't like it I would tell him to make a bloody sandwich. A one off genuinely disliking so,eyeing is fine but not the crap he is pulling. You are not his personal chef!
Different if he had genuine intolerances/allergies but he is behaving like an arse. Sorry OP :(

[PureQuintessence]

You are pandering to this man child's taste buds so much that what you like does not seem to matter any more.

I really would not be involved with either his cooking, or his learning to cook. Leave it with him.

[ethelb]

why do you cook for him then?

[PureQuintessence]

If he is that difficult, I dont understand why you even cook for him. Who says you should?

Cook for yourself and your son, and let him explore his tastes and his cooking skills on his own!

His fads really should not be your problem.

Just tell him "Sorry Peter, cooking something that you like has become such a big issue that I think you are best served if you cook your own dinners from now on. This way you can work out your issues, and I dont have to be part of it. Just make sure you also take responsibility for shopping for your ingredients and cleaning the kitchen after you have been cooking."

[Grapesoda]

I think trying the soup was the right thing to do.
Meals can be such a pain. My DH is quite fussy, not picky, but likes to eat what he wants iykwim, but luckily??! He does a good deal of the cooking and he's good at it. I personally would be happier for much less fuss to be made about meals but for him the evening meal is a whole event.
I think it's tricky when we go from ft work (valid financial contribution) to mat leave or pt combined with mothering. It's like we have to justify being at home and "earn our keep", even though we're often working non stop at home. This is a common theme among mothers IME.
I would take into consideration his preferences but as others have said, avoid making alternatives for him (he can sort himself out). I would definitely make him responsible for his leftovers. Ruse them if it suits you but otherwise bin them. Definitely don't eat his discarded food.

[peacefuloptimist]

Thanks everyone.

Have done a lot of thinking today. I think this will not end like meatball gate.

SurrounedByBlue your thread is well known for a reason! I read the first page then the last page then went back to read the rest of it. Definitely didnt see that coming.

About whether he likes meatballs I dont actually know. Just went for a second helping of his 'soup' though. Im quite annoyed that its not that bad. I was hoping it would be a complete disaster and he would come grovelling back to ask for my rice. But I had it with the rice for lunch. Went well together might serve it like that for dinner.

[SkaffenAmtiskaw]

meatball thread

[MrsPennyapple]

What's this meatball thread that people keep referring to? Sounds interesting :)

[ivykaty44]

TBH I think I would just cook what I wanted to and then tell him at the dinner table to pick out the food he doesn't like and leave it like that.
Whatever you cook will be wrong by the sounds of it so stop worry about his chopping and changing and let him sort himself out.


Vegetable stir fry and then picks out the vegetables - there would be nothing left but the noodles in this house
When will he turn 12?