AIBU to not take dd's homework to school

[ClaraBean]

She will probably get a detention
She is in year 7 and I am so sick of her forgetting stuff all the time. It is not the first time I have had a phone call asking me to take homework to school.
She is forgetting to hand in important reply slips, we had to miss her winter performance because she forgot to get us tickets for two weeks. So we had to drop her off and stand outside waiting for her.
I have her a choice of coming home to collect it (and being late for school) or telling her teacher she will bring it in tomorrow (and probably getting a detention).
She is a really great girl, and excels at school, does lots of academic after school clubs, I just need her to take a bit of responsiblity for her stuff and her her homework.
So was IBU? I probably was wasn't I

I would help anyone, child or adult that had ACCIDENTALLY forgotten something if feasible because it is the kind thing to do.

And as my DS points out, how can you know you've FORGOTTEN something if you've FORGOTTEN it?

The clue is in the word.

I wouldn't take it in sorry. If she has done this more than once then she needs some consequences for her actions. A one off detention will not kill her and may be just what she needs to focus her mind a little more :D
From 11 both my children where responsible for all their gym kits for the week and any homework , letters etc. We had a few slip ups initially, but after that no forgotten items for the rest of their schooling.
I believe as a parent my job was to raise self sufficient independent adults and taking consequences for actions is a major part of that.

scared of giraffe

Oh don't be! She's luffly!

Patience of a saint even when explaining Set Therory (not even in a proper English translation) to a slightly hysterical mother up against the clock and a ten year old who just looked blank at the concept of letters/symbols in a maths book.

Would you help an adult, Meddie?

Or let them take consequences?

Havn't read all the thread but can empathise OP.

We live out in the middle of nowhere and once DDs all got to year 7 they had to start getting a bus to school (20 min car journey) and so forgetting something and me fetching it was suddenly a big deal. With each of them i did my best to help them establish a routine, and did provide a safety net for the first few months (depending on what it was, i would drive up with a forgotten lunch for eg.) but after that it was tough i'm afraid.

I think each of them suffered a detention at some point, just the once, for forgetting something. Then they learned to remember. It does teach 'em.

I don't think you can have a blanket policy. It depends on lots of things, and the consequences of forgetting. And whether they beg, or expect!

For example, I have taken in forgetten instruments before, because otherwise I have paid for a music lesson that wouldn't happen. And this morning, I took ds's PE top in because otherwise he wouldn't have been allowed to go and play in an inter school match this afternoon. But I let them get detentions for homework and bits of uniform.

she needs some consequences for her actions

That is all well and good, IF the consequence can bring about postive change.

I got the negative consquences, but all it did was lead me to believe the problem was who I was (Sarah is terribly disorganised!) rather than a prolem with something I was doing (like not having a good stratagy for keeping on top of things before they became a problem).

I sort of gave up trying to be organised cos I honestly believed after years of tears, negative lables and castigation that I was a lost cause.

It came as a huge shock to me that with a good plan (thank you sister of mine, I love you deeply) I could be organsied for my son, teach him how to be organised in a transitional manner and get it right. That experience is what led me to tentativly use similar stratagies for myself. I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, have to fight old habits and mindset. But it has been more than a year since I have forgotten a lesson only to open the door to a student with me and the kitchen covered in flour and not a lesson plan in sight.

At least four years since I lost somebodies homework or forgot to mark it on time.

I'm not convinced that the law of natural consequences always has the outcomes people were anticipating from it.

It depends on the situation Hully. If its someone who had 'form' for being flaky/disorganised then I would be reluctant too.
Its personal experience tbh. My mother was a bailer outer and it took me a long time to get myself organised etc even into adult life. It wasnt until there were consequences for me that I started to change.
Forgetting your homework= detention. not paying your council tax because you dont organise your finances = CCJ. Big difference and much bigger consequences as an adult. Its something that needs to be taught when they are young to develop good habits.

seeker - yes, sometimes it's not cut and dried is it?

From my point of view if i didn't take the DDs forgotten item, therefore dooming them to an after school detention, i would have to drive up anyway to pick them up 'cos they'd miss the school bus home!

They are all different though. DD at 11 was super organised, had photocopies of her timetable in 3 different places, days of the week colour coded for PE, never forgot a book, kit piece of homework.
DS1 at 11, in fact ds1 still now at 13 is the opposite. He is not interested in being organised. However, no matter how many times he calls me, I will not take anything to the school, because I am at work. So he has very slowly got a bit better, with a lot of reminding-"have you packed your bag???"

YANBU dont take it in, she needs to learn and for many kids it isnt even an option as their parents work doesnt allow it.

My school (nearest there was) was 12 miles away.

No chance at all of parents bringing stuff, you learnt the art of good excuses and looking very sorry.

Even when the truth was you hadn't bothered to do it.

I do take things, because the DDs don't ask to often and reception are very good about baby sitting hockey sticks and cookery bags.

I certainly do think they should learn from their mistakes, trouble is my two have clean detention sheets.

DD1 is in Y10, how on earth she's kept out of trouble that long I've no idea. But clearly Mother's name would be mud for spoiling it.

Primary dinner ladies is still mud for giving her her only red card.
(She and her best male friend were fighting, but she still maintains that was non of the dinner ladies business)

I had this when ds1 started Year 7 - he forgot a few things, and as we lived pretty close to the school, I took them up and met him at the office to hand them over - until the day when the secretary came out of the office and made a point of telling ds1 and I that I shouldn't be wandering into the school at all hours. I was a bit until, when ds1 had gone, she told me that it wasn't really that big a problem for the school, but that she had said that because she was sure I didn't want to spend my days running to and from school with things he had forgotten.

After that, I stopped taking stuff in for him, and if I remember right, he did have the odd detention for forgetting things - but he did gradually learn to be better organised. So I think YANBU to refuse to drop off the homework, OP, and to let her take the consequences.

It's still early in Year 7. With my DD1, I had listened too hard to all those talks about how as a parent you have to be hands off in secondary school, let them take responsibility etc. I stepped back as instructed, but I stepped back too far and too fast and spent the first term driving homework and sports kit etc etc to school. I stepped in more in term 2, checked what homework she had, what kit she needed, etc, made sure she'd got it all organised the evening before - not so different to primary really. I even sent text messages reminding her to bring stuff home sometimes. Term 3, she really started to 'get' it and I've been hands off ever since. They all take different amount of time I guess