Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think people should just reply

21 replies

MoetEtPantsOn · 10/01/2013 06:44

How hard is it to send an RSVP?! I know that people are busy, but when the party is clearly at a venue (rather than at home) and hence the host will need to confirm numbers, then why can't parents just reply?!

I am now hunting parents's email addresses down from old emails (at long daycare, so don't always run into the appropriate people at drop-off and pick-up) and am getting responses such as, "Sorry, we will be away for the weekend". So they obviously know they can't come. They will have booked flights. Just reply FFS.

Or should I just assume that if parents don't reply by the requested date then the child isn't coming? DD keeps asking if so and so is coming and I don't know. Bless her - she's going to be so disappointed if a few more don't say yes, but I don't want to invite too many reserves in case the original mob decide to grace us with their presence at the last minute.

Can we have a Mumsnet pact to respond to party invitations? Argh...

OP posts:

McKayz · 10/01/2013 06:46

In my experience people that don't reply tend to show up.

MrsMushroom · 10/01/2013 07:13

I had a rash of replies near the date...like a day before! Others didn't bother calling but would say at the school gates.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 10/01/2013 07:18

I think it's very rude not to reply to an invitation.

Original poster

MoetEtPantsOn · 10/01/2013 07:24

I think it's rude too. I don't mind if they can't come, obviously I would often rather pluck out my eyelashes slowly rather than attend a children's party but just let me know.

Am now seething because followed up with good friend, who has 3 kids close in age and all invited who is having their party on the same day. We don't have any mutual friends thankfully, but had rather been assuming she was just being slack and not responding but would come, not actually organising a rival event. 3 kids is a big dent in my "hopeful they might yet make it list". Poor DD. Going to start on the reserve list now. Have to advise venue of numbers on Saturday though.

OP posts:

Spatsky · 10/01/2013 07:25

Yanbu to expect a reply but, in my experience, either get used to it or stop having parties because it will remain like it for the rest of their school days. Not helpful but true.

RuleBritannia · 10/01/2013 07:31

I second what Spatsky says. If you choose to have a party at a venue other than home, you will have to put up with such behaviour from other parents.

If you have a simple egg sandwich / sausage rolls / jam tarts / jelly party at home, it will cost you far, far less and you can refrigerate what's left over to eat the next day.

Just don't try to keep up with the pseudo Joneses!

nosleeps · 10/01/2013 07:34

Reserve list? I had no idea such a thing existed!

nosleeps · 10/01/2013 07:36

but yes, v rude not to rsvp, so for that yanbu.

SilentSplendidSun · 10/01/2013 07:38

When did you send out the invites? Bfore Christmas? They may have been lost in the barragenof cutesy Xmas cards the children insist on giving to each other, or just left behind in the tray at school. Cue a few mothers calling me in panic and embarassment a couple of days before, to check their little ones could still come.

But at least you have the parents' email IDs, so a terse one line reminder might be in order.

Pourquoimoi · 10/01/2013 07:44

YANBU, sadly knowing that doesn't mean that all people will actually have the common courtesy and manners to reply.

Original poster

MoetEtPantsOn · 10/01/2013 07:45

It's not a real reserve list nosleeps just mothers group friends' kids that DD doesn't see so frequently who weren't her first choice through not being of mind.

Yes. Party at home next year. I guess the advantage with this is there's more work hunting people down but then less work at the actual party!

Thanks for all your replies at least!

OP posts:

ChaoticintheNewYear · 10/01/2013 08:43

For future reference, if you do have a party out of the house, don't put the venue on the invitation. Put something like 'venue will be given on rsvp'. That way if they don't respond you can be assured they won't turn up and will be able to invite other people without worrying about going over numbers.

YANBU btw

StanleyLambchop · 10/01/2013 09:05

if you do have a party out of the house, don't put the venue on the invitation. Put something like 'venue will be given on rsvp'.

Seriously? I would automatically turn down an invite like that. How can I commit to getting my child somewhere if I don't know where? It could turn out to be a soft play venue 30 miles away for all I know. I do think you need to be up front about the venue if you want people to come!!

ThreeBeeOneGee · 10/01/2013 09:07

'venue will be given on RSVP' would put me off because I need to know how far away and in which direction the venue is in order to work out whether or not it's feasible to get my DC there.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 10/01/2013 09:08

Cross-posted with Lampchop to make a similar point.

Thumbwitch · 10/01/2013 09:12

I agree actually - I'd want to know the venue before RSVPing.
But then I would never show up without letting people know that I was coming either.

justmyview · 10/01/2013 09:20

Even if a party is at home, I still think it's important to reply, so the host can (1) invite additional guests if they will have space for them (2) consider what games would work and (3) do party bags

McKayz · 10/01/2013 09:34

I'd always say no if I wasn't told where the party was in advance.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/01/2013 09:48

YABU as your RSVP date hasn't passed yet. It's a deadline for replying, anything up to the date is perfectly fine.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/01/2013 09:53

Sorry that should be if not as.

Original poster

MoetEtPantsOn · 10/01/2013 20:17

I suppose so Ghoul deadline on invitations is today (am not in UK) so there is still time... 16 hours of today left...

OP posts:

Flip