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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely mortified?

49 replies

WantsToBeFree · 09/01/2013 22:10

So I'm 24 with no kids and no plans of having them anytime soon. Due to losing a friend to childbirth and having family members who had ongoing problems after having children, I became very interested in childbirth- both natural and c section.

I'm now a childbirth activist and I feel strongly that it's a feminist issue.

Now, the thing is I'm quite regular on several Facebook and twitter groups which are about childbirth. This may sound stupid but until now I had no clue that friends could see in their newsfeed when I post in those groups(which is quite often). A couple of friends mentioned it today and that's how I found out.

For some reason, I'm mortified. I feel so exposed!! I know I have a right to my opinions and it's a Good cause, but I just didn't want everyone to know how involved I am with childbirth.

Most of my friends aren't interested in this at all and wouldn't understand my level of involvement with it. I'm just feeling embarrassed, and I'm so surprised at this reaction. I feel like they're all going to think what's a girl with no kids doing all over childbirth pages?

I'm even more mortified at how odd my male friends probably think I am.

I'm sounding like a teenager, I'm sure, but please tell me honestly if I'm being stupid.

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 09/01/2013 22:13

I'm being thick-what's a "childbirth activist"? What is it you do in this regard?

Regardless of the content, YABU to feel embarrassed at something you feel passionate about. Should be able/willing to explain your theories, thoughts etc?

mrscumberbatch · 09/01/2013 22:13

I wouldn't be embarrassed. I feel strongly about many issues even though they haven't happened to me personally!

BinksToEnlightenment · 09/01/2013 22:14

I don't think you're being stupid. I wouldn't like my Mumsnet posts on Facebook.

I think you need to arrange your privacy and lists settings.

Then forget about it. We all get embarrassed now and again but the only one who will ever think to remember this happened is you!

tallwivglasses · 09/01/2013 22:15

Yes you are being a bit daft. Who gives a shit what your friends might think? Yabu however for being a Young Person who doesn't understand Facebook privacy settings.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2013 22:15

Just go through your privacy settings and select 'hide activity'.

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 09/01/2013 22:16

It's basically raising awareness about the rights of pregnant women- both to refuse and demand procedures. Its also got to do with talking about the risks and dangers (and also benefits) of different forms of childbirth.

Just dialogue about it can enable people to learn so much from each other.

OP posts:
SurroundedByBlue · 09/01/2013 22:20

Sounds really interesting. I am forever feeling that my opinions don't count and that no one listens, I'm never sure what I can ask for or refuse etc (37 weeks pregnant) I think I will look up child birth activists, might do me good Smile

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 09/01/2013 22:20

I tried, but I can't. Apparently, I can only control my timeline and newsfeed. I can't control what shows up in a friend's newsfeed. Every time I post in those groups, this shows up on their newsfeed- "XYZ posted in CHILDBIRTH".

I actually emailed FB and asked and they said they can't control it, because these are public groups. Blush

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 09/01/2013 22:23

Thanks for elaborating :)

No clue on the settings though, sorry.

RainbowsFriend · 09/01/2013 22:23

I had similar issues with this and set up a facebook account just to be involved in such group discussions. You might want to try that?

CloudsAndTrees · 09/01/2013 22:24

Facebook is very annoying the way it has done this. I think it has had the opposite effect of what it was probably supposed to, and people are much more wary of what they write on FB nowadays. I have found that people comment less knowing that their every move is going to be broadcast.

And what's with the thing that tells you how long ago it was when your friends last checked their FB? It's just plain annoying!

EnjoyResponsibly · 09/01/2013 22:24

Can't you set up your FB with a different e-mail address to the one you use to post on your Fourms?

OkayHazel · 09/01/2013 22:24

Stop posting in them. Post in anon forums instead.

TheSecondComing · 09/01/2013 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 09/01/2013 22:25

SurroundedByBlue You just made me feel very good about what I try to do :)

OP posts:
JessicaMLH · 09/01/2013 22:26

The only way to control it, is for every one of your friends to go to your profile and select not to view your activity (sorry I can't remember exactly what it's called! Basically stops the 'x commented on Y PAGE' and 'x liked a photo' etc posts, they still see anything you post like statuses, photos etc). Which is ridiculous, because you can't control it yourself and how on earth can you make every friend do this?! Stupid fb!

However, don't feel embarrassed for commenting on things you feel passionately about, and for a good cause. I'm sure even male friends can understand this Grin

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 09/01/2013 22:29

TheSecondComing Oh that's not how it is at all!!! It's not agenda based, or biased. Besides I dont give medical advice. I can only help with evidence based information. In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention. Besides, I'm still learning too and these groups are a great way for me to do that.

OP posts:
FrameyMcFrame · 09/01/2013 22:31

She lost her friend in childbirth. She is a woman. Surely that gives her the right to care about this topic TheSecondComing?

suburbophobe · 09/01/2013 22:32

Sorry, don't understand what you are on about.

I'm a single mum with a 21-year-old, does that help?

TheSecondComing · 09/01/2013 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cortana · 09/01/2013 22:34

Using your logic TheSecondComing I should stop fundraising for my local hospice. Given I have never been in one or been directly affected by it? Hmm

The OP is campaigning for women to be given choice based on education and evidence regarding childbirth. I don't see how that is ever a bad thing.

OrangeLily · 09/01/2013 22:34

Thesecondcoming.... So you're not allowed a 'say' because you haven't had a baby or because you're not a medical professional. What a load of nonsense! It's a women's issue.

I would feel the same about private things on Facebook. I would be mortified if people knew what I wrote on here, I like to be anonymous.

pollyblue · 09/01/2013 22:34

I would second Rainbows suggestion, and open another FB account for the sole purpose of posting in the childbirth group (and obv don't friend anyone who's not in the group Grin )

And no i don't think you should be embarrassed about something you feel passionate about.

But i do concur with TheSeconds coments in a way - my bacon was saved by a hellish amount of medical intervention when DD1 was born.....my hoped-for hypnobirth went right out of the window and i'm glad decisions were made on my behalf by people who - in those circs - had more knowledge and experience than me. I get a bit nervous of activism because, in my experience, it can go hand in hand with scaremongering.

Original poster
WantsToBeFree · 09/01/2013 22:35

Well, don't worry. I'd never ask anyone to get a home VBAC. EVER.

Nor am I an NCB nut ;)

OP posts:
pollyblue · 09/01/2013 22:37

x posted with OP

In fact part of it is to direct women away from agenda based information which can do more harm than good- like demonising intervention.

ah ok Smile i was worrying unduly

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