To expect my nan to stop "saving" clothes for ds

[Waitingforastartofall]

I sound like a snob, hear me out. Inspired by another thread.

Aibu to expect my nan not to keep clothes from my ten year old cousin for my 5yo ds and pass them onto me

She has kept every item of clothing,shoes, school uniform possible to pass on to ds. cousin is 10 but wearing age 14 clothes as hes super tall/big. My nan is boxing everything up for me to take home, firstly ive got no space literally 5 people in small 3 bed no loft ect, along with not wanting to keep clothes for 5 years or more and also that most of the clothes dont suit ( the uniform is a complete different colour ect, shoes are absolutely huge sizes, clothes are the same well worn and on their way out)

She will not take im not having them for an answer to just keeps them and gives me bags of it when i go round which i end up giving to charity. Its starting to really grate on me and when i state why i dont want she rattles on about cost and how shes trying to help us, cant afford ect. Its really getting me down as we can! we arent minted but definatly not struggling to clothe kids or anything else. Shes driving me bats, even when i dont take the clothes she will keep them and send ds home when he visits with my dad in an eight year old size hoody or some such.

I honestly think she would if my nan didn't insist on taking them for ds. I am sure your family member would say if they didn't want them. I have said a million times but unfortunately don't see cousin family often enough to speak to them. would certainly keep if it were for a year or so but not for five years. I have literally no storage space in this house at all

I personally love hand-me-downs. There's usually something in there that's worth keeping and if not then I charity shop it. I hate the thought of anything going into landfill.

Does your child's school or a local school do a 'bag to school' day? My child's school sends home a bag and you fill it with clothes / bedding etc. They get paid by the weight so they don't really care what's in there. It's a good fundraising initiative.

I can understand it's annoying if you can't store it but I it sounds well meant. I would take the bag and pass it on to charity shop or whatever and spare the aggro.

Could you drop them an email or text message? You could put it that you are 'a bit worried' about nan as she 'seems to have forgotten' to pass on your message even though you have explained several times that you just don't have the space for these lovely clothes they are so kind as to pass on.

But if you just aren't really in contact, then I think you just have to get harsher with nan and dad and refuse to take the stuff no matter what.

ah the dc school do the weigh bags of clothes do thats an idea. im not sure if i suck at being harsh or nan is just relentless

Ah, in which case you need to contact the family the clothes are coming from directly, and tell them not to hand them over to Nan. Nan is obviously collecting them saying "ooh, Waiting will be very grateful for these". Other mum may be thinking she'd rather give them to a friend instead!

You need to go direct to her.

Nan is relentless. That is their way.

I wish I got hand-me-downs, trouble is my boys were the first to be born in our family for ages.

Was just thinking how odd to have a "middle nan man" for the giving/receiving of 2nd hand clothes!

definatly is odd, its because i wont take them home. I walk back and to there so its extra to carry that ive already said i dont want. Only the other day ds turned up back home from an afternoon there with my dad in an age 9 jacket...its like she sneaks it in!

Oh poor you - I know how you feel, I really do! Before ds was born, my m and sil would come round every week with bags of shit for my step daughters who were 9 and 11 and very style aware. I used to squirrel them away for a 'decent' amount of time before recycling, I knew it would make the girls die of embarrassment, their mother would be furious in an 'I don't need your shitty cast-offs' way and quite frankly I didn't want to offend dh's easily offended mum and sister, so I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone.

Backfired spectacularly when one Friday eve we were all having a takeaway when sil produced another bag of horrors and forced the girls to 'have a try on, do a fashion show' Cue the girls staring at me silently pleading with me to 'do something'! I said 'maybe later, they've just eaten' and mil and sil literally ripped open the binbags to reveal horrendous washed up old greying bras and knickers of sils, 70s flares, technicolour 70s tops....I just had to say that's it, no more, it's just not the sort of thing they'd use - cue m and sil sulking, huffing and ignoring me for the foreseeable.

furious - why did I strike through that word?? Durrrr

oh no, have never had underwear but have had seriously purple/ orange jogging bottoms for ss and ds that they would never wear nor would I go out with them if they wore them

just keep accepting. Go through bags and then charity shop most of it. Thats what I do.

Why as a busy parent should you accept an unnecessary extra couple of jobs from a relative though? Why be so martyrish and passive? This relative isn't being helpful, they are just making work for you. Why is it so bad to be honest and "not nice" and tell them to stop doing it.

honestly, talk to the relative who's given them to your nan! She can only insist on taking them if they are still there to be taken and they don't lie say "oh, I've been in touch with waitingforastartofall directly and are going to drop them off next week when I go past her house, save you a job!"

It's worth stopping your Nan's supply of old clothes. Make it clear to them you don't want the clothes. It's probably a hassle for them to make sure they've sorted them all out, washed and packed up neatly waiting until they've got a bag's worth etc rather than just binning as they go along. Or giving them to someone else.

have spoke to family now and explained reasons again for not having the clothes. hopefully no more badgering to take clothes will carry on. if not they will just have to pile up until she realises i wont take. unfortunatly my grandparents are very full on with regards to money so every time i turn things down i get a lecture on how i should accept and am wasteful ect. it makes me dread going tbh sometimes.

I agree that it´s not up to OP to dispose of other people´s cast offs.

The other thing I could think of would be to look through the bags at her house & take what you want-if anything, thereby leaving her to bin/charity shop the bulk.

Hopefully there won´t be any more bags, though!

OP, please do not use the non-word ect.

I don't think even if I had the space I'd find a place to store things for five years.

will try to refrain from using the non word but no promises