Cultural difference or is he just an ass?

[Baaruuds]

My husband deletes Internet history, text messages, talks to his exes, tells his ex wife he still loves her and he says he does that so that she will come back to this country wit their son (she moved to get away from him) he calls me names when we argue, he tells me I never clean (I do and I get sick of him not doing anything so I stop for a day so he sees how much I do) he tells me I'm lazy ( we have 5 kids mind u so obviously I don't have time to be lazy) if I ask him why he treats me the way he does or deletes things its always the same answer "your controlling and you need to know everything" I don't think he is cheating as he works with my brother so they start and finish at same times and he is always home it's just his attitude, he is African I am Australian, could it be cultural or is he just an ass?

He's an ass. And and arse.

What's culture got to do with it?

I'm sure that it's not in anyone's culture to behave like a twat!

In which culture is name calling acceptable?

He's an arse.

Well it could be cultural, but does it matter? An arse is still an arse, whether he's an arse as part of his culture or not.

Anway you have 5 children with him now, so did you not noticed his arseholery earlier?

Why are you making excuses up for behaviour towards you dislike?

If it bothers you and upsets you, thats all you need to say and to know.

Lets just say for one minute it was cultural does that make it acceptable.?

He treats you very badly and I think you are just trying to find excuses fit his behaviour

I really do think that you need to consider why his ex moved countries to get away from him.

That tells you all you need to know. Perhaps you should get in touch with her and see what she has to say about him.

His ex moved countries to get away him.

Think that says enough, tbh.

My exH is also from an African country, and I spent a lot time excusing certain behaviours because of cultural differences. Eventually I realized that it didn't matter whether it would be acceptable in his culture to behave the way he did. He had chosen to be with someone of a different culture, so he couldn't insist on playing by the old rules.

In your case, it seems the ex didn't accept him playing by those rules either.

My DH is African and has never behaved like this, nor ever made me question that he feels anything but love and respect for me.

If he did behave the way you describe in your OP, he would not be my DH any longer, regardless of where he was born.

You don't have to accept it.

he is a controlling manipilative arse

sadly he has done this to you that you no longer trust your own feelings do not be hard on yourself

read Lundy Bancrofts book (Why does he do that?) you will understand your situation better, you know the truth you need your confidence back to believe and trust your own beleifs

If your husband was British and behaving in the way he is, you'd chuck him out right away. What country your husband comes from is irrelevant, he is a controlling arse.

"she [ex-wife] moved to get away from him"
Very sensible of her.

Of course he is an arse.