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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you if you understand this any better than me?

23 replies

mollysmum82 · 08/01/2013 23:28

I don't know if I should ask this but I feel if I don't ask I'll never be able to accept it and get through my grief.

My mum passed away this Christmas. She was only 64 and I don't really understand what happened. The doctors on the scene just told my Dad her lungs had filled with fluid and this caused her heart to stop. They didn't do an autopsy or anything and they hadn't accessed her medical records (she lived abroad and wasn't registered with a GP). So I guess they just based this on the fact that she'd had a lot of colds, she smoked, and was on inhalers and antibiotics (prescribed from the foreign pharmacy, not a doctor).

Does this make sense to anyone? I know its awful to ask but has anyone experienced anything like this? Or is anyone medically trained? I just don't understand why a 64 year old would just die and there be no real investigation into it. I don't think its suspicious but I just want to understand it.

Thanks so much and I'm sorry its morbid :(

OP posts:
ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 08/01/2013 23:30

how was her weight? could it have been pulmonary hypertension?

Nanny0gg · 08/01/2013 23:32

What were the inhalers for?
Did she have some form of COPD? Emphysema for example?
That's what it sounds like, but it wouldn't have been sudden.

Original poster
mollysmum82 · 08/01/2013 23:33

Her weight was normal for her age I'd say, she always thought she was overweight but I'd guess she was within the normal BMI or not far past

OP posts:
Original poster
mollysmum82 · 08/01/2013 23:33

What's COPD? Her inhalers were for asthma

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/01/2013 23:34

And really sorry for your loss.

PandaOnAPushBike · 08/01/2013 23:35

Sorry for your loss mollysmum. I have no idea what the answer is, but I didn't want to just read and run. I hope you get the answers you need.

HenryCrun · 08/01/2013 23:35

I'm not medically qualified, but my father died at exactly the same age for similar reasons.

He had COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease), of which fluid on the lungs is a sign. He quit smoking about a year before he died, but before that was smoking about 60 cigarettes a day. He was given a life expectancy of 2 years at 59, but outlived that by more than double.

Nanny0gg · 08/01/2013 23:36

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, of which emphysema is a form. I'm not a medic, it's what my mother died from many years ago. But as I said, it wasn't sudden. There are so many things it could have been that without an autopsy, I'm sorry it's likely to be guesswork.

SageYourResoluteOracle · 08/01/2013 23:38

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a dreadful shock you must have had and how you feel is totally understandable.

I'm not sure what procedures are in other countries but IIRC, when my grandpa passed away some years ago, there had to be a post mortem carried out as it was classed as sudden death. He was 83 but, apart from a dizzy spell in the weeks prior to his death, hadn't received any medical help. He had a heart attack and passed away in his sleep. Is she classed as a British citizen? Could maybe the British consulate help at least explain procedures of the country your mum lived in? I'm not sure- these are just thoughts.

I'm sorry I can't be of much help but wanted to offer hand-holding and very unmumsnetty hugs (((())))

laptopcomputer · 08/01/2013 23:41

My father has nearly died twice from the same thing. He has COPD and is on inhalers etc. Basically his lungs filled with fluid due to a mild infection but this rapidly deteriorates because you then can't get enough oxygen into your bloodstream. Consequently your heart pumps faster ad faster and faster trying to compensate for this. It soon reaches a point where it can't cope and basically stops. My Dad has ben resucitated twice due to this and I understand he is very lucky tobe alive as the odds are not good.

I hope this makes sense even though in very layman terms. I am very sorry for your loss of your Mother.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/01/2013 23:43

so sorry for your loss. i lost my mum a couple if years ago to lung cancer so can imagine how you are feeling.

what does her death certificate say? what was she on anti b's for?

laptopcomputer · 08/01/2013 23:43

Do you mean your Mum died in the UK or abroad?

Original poster
mollysmum82 · 08/01/2013 23:47

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm so sorry to those who have also lost loved ones this way or who have family members that are ill.

You've really helped, I've looked up COPD and this seems to fit exactly my mum's symptoms due to her smoking and shortness of breath. I thought her inhalers were for asthma (so did she I think) but this makes a lot more sense. It was just such a huge shock and I didn't understand how they could make a diagnosis so easily.

I just wish I'd known. I wish I could have brought her home to England and taken her to hospital and stopped her smoking. But I guess she was very happy and that's the important thing?

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
mollysmum82 · 08/01/2013 23:49

Her death certificate is in Spanish, I could ask Dad for it and try and translate it but he's pretty fragile at the moment :( She went to the pharmacy regularly for antibiotics for what she thought were chest infections. Yes, she died abroad.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/01/2013 23:54

def sounds like COPD so no dont upset your dad.

my mum and dad lived in Spain but they came back as mum wanted to be near us when she was ill...health system pretty crap. Dad back out there again now.

Be gentle in yourself, very early days for you...

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 08/01/2013 23:55

My friend died of this, totally out of the blue. She had asthma but she seemed fine, went to sleep, didn't wake up. She was 44. I understand the process but I don't understand why it happened.

smilingismyfavourite · 08/01/2013 23:55

I am so, so sorry for your loss. For it to have happened at that time of the year and for you to have questions about what happened must be so unbelievably hard. My heart goes out to you xx

GiveMeSomeSpace · 09/01/2013 06:03

OP my heart goes out to you. Hopefully you can remember all the good things about your mum. Smile

HollyBerryBush · 09/01/2013 06:07

This happened to my neighbours son, fit and healthy, but after a long flight. got off the plane, went to bed, didn't get up. Fluid on the lung was the cause.

So tragic.

Loveweekends10 · 09/01/2013 06:25

I'm a nurse and was a respiratory sister in previous job.
It's hard to say from limited information but ..
I would say it sounds more like LVF (left ventricular failure) or pleural effusion caused by COPD. The reason I say this is because
COPD you get repeated colds and mucus builds up which you need to cough. emphysema you destroy the walls of your alveoli so have not got much surface area left to get oxygen into your blood. it does sound like she had COPD but i think she then probably developed something else from it because of what they said about the fluid.
Pleural effusion could be caused by underlying tumour. Also caused by smoking. Fluid forms in the pleural space until you cannot breathe. She would have been becoming increasingly breathless over time though.
The only way to truly find out is to obtain death certificate and look at the cause. That will be in correct medical terminology instead of laymans terminology. Sorry cant be more helpful. Respiratory conditions usually do involve more than one thing.
One thing is for sure the cause was smoking and 64 is not unusual when you have smoked a long time.

Loveweekends10 · 09/01/2013 06:26

Holly berry - that was a pulmonary embolism. Absolutely tragic but not the same as OP issue.

HollyBerryBush · 09/01/2013 06:39

love its wasn't PU, it was fluid filled lungs - according to the autopsy.

Jenny70 · 09/01/2013 10:16

Sorry for your loss.

In terms of an autopsy, if she had a known medical condition and whoever certified the death was confident her cause of death wasn't suspicious, then no autopsy would be required.

But, had one been done and it found a stroke, aneurism or some other sudden otgan failure happened, would that be different? The upshot is she died and you're grieving (and you don't think there is anything suspicious).

Don't focus on the cause of death, it's her loss that you're grieving.

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