To think when both partners have jobs and one wants to leave theirs and get a new one, it's bloody difficult to decide what to do!

[IwantaPetFox]

Especially when the new job would be in a different place and necessitate the other partner leaving their job too. How do people work this out? Any tips? DH wants to leave his job but there aren't any other suitable ones in our area. I very much agree that he needs a new job, as his current one is boring him to death.

Ah, tricky Naoko, how long will it be before you finish your PhD? Will you be looking for a job in academia?

I get what you mean about being willing to take career step back for an expat adventure! I'd be up for that too. I think the fact that DH's new job will be in an area we really like where we know loads of people is making me more willing to take the risk of leaving my current job (which I like, but don't love.) At least if I end up job hunting for a while there will be plenty of friends to meet for coffee!

We've moved 3 times for my jobs - the first was to get me started, career-wise (no opportunities where we lived at the time, which was out the back of beyond). DPs earning potential was way higher than mine at the start, but by now we're more or less equivalent (I earn a tiny bit more than him). This isn't because his career has suffered, he actually is better off now (moving forced him out of comfort zone, so now he knows he can actually do quite well for himself if he wants).

If we'd constantly prioritised his career because he was earning more when we started, we'd both be a lot worse off now. Instead we are both in interesting satisfying jobs, that pay us enough that we can afford to now both go part-time when DS is small. (This is in theory as I'm still on mat leave - we might find that our employers won't agree to it, but at least it's worth us asking). Granted it's easier for us, as we both have relatively mobile jobs, but it can be done.

That's really good to hear slightlysoupstained. I would like to achieve that balance too, where we are both reaching our earning potential or at least both doing something interesting. I realise that's really hard if not impossible for most people though.

I'm not convinced that it's necessarily impossible for most people, I do think it's hard, and you might need to be a bit creative about options on occasion, and that there won't be a perfect balance for most. But I don't think it's always inevitable, except for some careers/industries that are set up with such a strong expectation of a one-career family that it makes it very difficult for a partner to maintain a career.

I think some of the difficulty is social expectation, which tends to mean that in order to get a balance, women need to push a bit harder (and be supported in that). E.g. it will take more effort from DP to be a fully equal parent, because people just expect me to be doing the bulk of the work.

slightly - i think it depends on the career/industry you work in - as you say. my husband's job means he is away from home most of the week - normally. I would struggle with the commitment required - both in terms of hours and staying away - that would be required from me if i was more senior in my current profession. yes it could all be done, but the kids wouldn't see either of us for much of the week. for some this might be acceptable, but we took the view that one parent should be around during the evenings most of the time.