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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I am being snubbed?

14 replies

Loie159 · 07/01/2013 20:40

DH and Ihave been friends with a couple for a long time..... DH went to Uni with his friend about 20 years ago and have always been close and stayed in touch. Friend got married 7 years ago and DH and I have always got in well with his wife. They live a distance away now, 30-40 miles, so we don't see them as regularly but still keep in touch via text occasionally, Facebook and arrange the odd weekend catch up. In December I sent party invites out to DS6 birthday and didn't get a response from friend..... Thought was bit strange as she is always very prompt with these things. Called and was told they couldn't come but still had a good chat and arranged to meet the following weekend. Sadly we had to cancel this arrangement due to a death in the family, but I told them we had to cancel snd would rearrange ASAP. Didn't think much of it, but then we had no Xmas card from them, and again she is the kind of person that remembers every birthday, thank you cards etc. it was also our wedding anniversary in Devember and friend was our best man...... again no card or text or anything. just before xmas I sent them both an email saying we have Xmas presents for their DC snd again no reply........ I sent a text this week, so a few weeks later from original email saying about the gifts snd still no reply. I am starting to get a bit paranoid that I am being snubbed so I called this AM for a catch up and my call got put to answer. So AIBU to think I have been socially weeded? I feel a bit awkward as to what to go next as I honestly can't recall any fall out or comment that could have upset!!! Paranoia is kicking in so please be kind and give me some perspective!

OP posts:

NewYearNewNN · 07/01/2013 20:42

Is it possible they're going through some sort of crisis?

Hassled · 07/01/2013 20:43

I don't think you're paranoid; I think you've been dumped. There's no way you can't take it personally but please try not to take it too personally. It's probably nothing to do with you or anything you've said or done and everything to do with whatever's going on in their lives.

Don't try to contact them again - just leave it, at least for now.

redexpat · 07/01/2013 20:47

Ooh I was going to say either they're having a crisis or you're being dumped.

potoftea · 07/01/2013 20:48

I would give them the benefit of the doubt for another while. They may be going through some problems (financial, marital, illness etc) that means they are just not focusing on anything outside their immediate world, right now.

You have been friends for a long time, trust in that friendship and just maybe send a text or email saying you are thinking of them and hoping to catch up soon.

Graceparkhill · 07/01/2013 20:48

I am inclined towards the crisis theory. Serious illness, redundancy that sort of thing.
Had a similar experience when friends went v quiet all of a sudden. Turned out the husband had been having an affair with a 17 year old,been suspended from work,tried to commit suicide etc and his wife couldn't face speaking to anyone.

All fine with them now in case you are wondering. I would hold off for just now and see if they decide to get in touch.

Original poster

Loie159 · 07/01/2013 20:49

I think I have been dumped too!!! I don't want to be done weird stalker who keeps calling which is why I wanted done other points of view.... Thank you for your responses so far. DH thinks I'm worrying pointlessly!

OP posts:

SundaeGirl · 07/01/2013 20:50

Agree with Grace, some sort of issues their end (sick parent?).

Anonymumous · 07/01/2013 20:52

Sounds like she is stressed out with something she's not telling you about. Why don't you give her a call, leaving a message if necessary, saying that you hope she's all right because it's not like her not to get in touch, and is there anything you can do to help? Then if she still doesn't contact you, leave it for a while and try again in a couple of weeks. Send her a letter maybe? In case her phone is playing up.

LemonBreeland · 07/01/2013 20:52

Can your DH not call his friend and just have a chat

Original poster

Loie159 · 07/01/2013 20:53

Thank you Grace and Sundae and others...... Not sure what to do as its their DS birthday in a few weeks, font want to not get him a gift as we always do but font want up look like a total idiot with more unclaimed presents for their children..... Would it be strange / wrong to just post all tge presents together ( so Xmas and their sons birthday one) if I haven't heard in a few weeks?

OP posts:

emsyj · 07/01/2013 21:37

I would post the presents all together.

I was 'dumped' by a very very close friend a number of years ago and was devastated at the time. The explanation was ten years coming, but there was a very good reason for it that had nothing whatsoever to do with me or anything I had done. It was very serious and I now feel a tool for being so upset with my friend.

You never know what's going on in someone's life. If you are sure you haven't done anything to offend then you can only assume that something is going on that you don't know about and you may one day find out what it is, you may not.

emsyj · 07/01/2013 21:38

In my case, I had already called my friend to see if she was ok and she pretended she was... So if you haven't called already, do so but you may not get to the bottom of it so don't be too upset if they pretend all is hunkydory and you know that it isn't.

Original poster

Loie159 · 07/01/2013 22:56

Thanks emsyj..... Think I will just post them all together and see what happens.... Like I said she is a real stickler for thank you cards etc so if I don't hear snything after I know she had them I will call and check she is ok.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2013 23:17

LemonBreeland Good idea.
Let your DH call his friend.

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