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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if im normal?

19 replies

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 07/01/2013 16:29

I dont really know how to broach this... So forgive me if its a jumble.

I had DS2 (DC2) on 21/12 by ELCS. Obviously as an elective I knew the date ad was apprehensive but excited before. Due to GD I had to be admitted on 20th as had to have a sliding scale put in at 5am next day, however was home (by sheer force of will I swear Wink on 22nd)

Anyway with christmas and everything I have been a bit thrown, and my mood has been up and down.
I sort of feel like i've only just started to fall in love with DS2 Blush

Is that normal? With DS1 I loved him instantly. This time Ive met all of DS' needs but only really felt love for him in the last few days. Before that it was love but also a bit of resentment, or love and also a bit sad...
I feel a bit ungrateful as I struggled to conceive both DS', and this pregnancy / continuing post preg, have lost tons of weight - im 32lb lighter than this time last year, so in myself I feel happier. Im also hate this phrase but cant think of a better one in a better place lifewise than with DS1, and have lots to look forward to.

Anyway congrats if you got this far im aware its dull but AIBU to wonder if my feelings are normal? And is any of what Ive said a flag to be concerned?
Thanks

OP posts:
Nooneelseisallowedafergus · 07/01/2013 16:32

Completely normal. I took a few days to fall properly in love with ds2. But it was love at first site with ds1. He is 9 months now and I love him just as much as ds1 and have a complete attachment to him.

bootsycollins · 07/01/2013 16:44

Firstly congratulations!. Reading your post really brought it back to me how I felt after having my second baby. No nothing sounds out of the ordinary, you've just had major surgery, brought a new member of the family home, survived Christmas and after spending the best part of a year pregnant your body's now adjusting itself to not pregnant mode and all this in less than a month!. Be kind to yourself!.

FeckOffCup · 07/01/2013 17:10

It's normal, I only have one child but she was born shortly before christmas a couple of years ago and I felt the same, she was a very much wanted child but I had a tough birth with her and didn't feel the bond right away. I didn't feel like I started to bond propely until things went back to normal after christmas and DH went back to work and it was just the two of us for most of the time.

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 07/01/2013 17:14

Thanks all for reading, its a relief to know im not in the minority

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/01/2013 17:17

I didn't experience it myself but do know of friends who told me this. Nobody likes to admit it but honestly, it does happen, (can take longer!) and you are normal. Congratulations Thanks on your two lovely children.

FrenchJunebug · 07/01/2013 17:18

it too me 6 months to fall in love with my baby. So absolutely normal.

birdsnotbees · 07/01/2013 17:19

Normal, happened to me with dc2. Plus you've had a massive operation & GA and that can mess with your head

sameoldlovebunny · 07/01/2013 18:03

congratulations and you are 100% normal. that's not to say other people won't sometimes do it differently, like you did with number one son.

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 07/01/2013 19:10

Thank you all its reassuring to know its not weird Thanks

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 07/01/2013 19:23

I had DD2 then 54 weeks later had DS. They were very difficult times, DD2 nearly died. Then when DS was born, I ended up in intensive care after am EMCS with general anaesthetic. I did not fall in love with DS instantly. It took till we came home and I was feeding him (bottle as I could not BF) and realised he was the double of his Sis who I loved already, that I fell in love with him.

NewYearNewNN · 07/01/2013 19:25

I fell in love with ddtwin2 several weeks before I felt the same about ddtwin1. Felt dreadful about it at the time!

kotinka · 07/01/2013 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 07/01/2013 20:39

Thankyou all Thanks

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 07/01/2013 20:41

Normal I think. For the first few days with DS it felt like I was looking after him for someone else.

Loie159 · 07/01/2013 20:46

Please don't worry it is totally normal. My DS was ill at birth and it took me about 9 months to feel like I properly loved him. With DD I was determined to not feel that way so did lots of skin to skin after birth but still took me a few weeks. It really upset me and when I told my DM she replied" oh darling i didn't love you or your sister for months, you can't love someone you don't know!" I asked her if it bothered her that she never had that stereotypical rush of love and she told me it hadn't even occurred up her that she should of! So it is down to expectation I think as well as other factors. Enjoy your baby and cuddle them lots and see how you feel in a few weeks .

BJunction · 07/01/2013 21:07

I relate it to Christmas. You open dear present 1 (DP1) and you love it instantly because it's brilliant and just what you wanted. You open DP2 and it's a pair of socks, a grey pair of socks which you immediately don't like. However it gets cold and you put on the socks, get that new sock feeling and remember just how much you love socks and eventually come to appreciate DP2 for what it is. Then, DP3 comes along. A big package with unexpected wrapping, at this stage you shit yourself thinking... "why the hell does DP3 have different wrapping to DP2 and DP1?!" ...then you think "Shit! The postman!!"

Anyway, sorry... yes... Unlike my post, this is completely normal. You will come to love all your DCs equally for who they are individually.

KatyPeril · 07/01/2013 21:14

I didn't love my daughter until she was 2.

kotinka · 08/01/2013 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 09/01/2013 07:43

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, its really made me feel less alone Thanks

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