psychologist

[lizzie57]

I left an abusive partner just over 2 years ago and for the first year and a half he had regular contact with our son but over time he became more and more resistant to visiting, became very anxious, had panic attacks etc. My 10 year old son has now refused to see his father for almost a year. He has given reasons to me (he is scared of him, he shouts, ignores him when he goes to visit and forced him through the magistrates court to go on holiday despite even cafcass saying he didnt want to go), family members and his counsellor for this but will not come out and tell the court guardian-who is quite aggressive in his approach and so the guardian has decided he's had enough (he has only spoken to my son 3 times) and is going to ask for a report by a clinical psychologist who will apparently 'question' my son about why he does not wish to see his dad. The court have not asked for a report from my sons therapist because they say he cannot reveal what my son tells him and the guardian 'wants answers'. Since he stopped seeing dad my son has changed from a scared withdrawn child to a confident outgoing happy boy and this has been remarked upon by his school. Can I oppose this-I feel my son has been questioned enough-or can I ask that at least they get a report from his current therapist first before sending him to yet another stranger. Has anyone else had this experience?

Lizzie, sorry to hear about the rough time and your son and you have been having. I don't know about the legal side of things and whether a report could be written by your sons current therapist (are they a Clinical Psychologist or Psychiatrist?), but just wanted to say that your son would not be 'questioned' in any kind of aggressive fashion. The Clinical Psychologist assessing your son would be careful to make sure the experience is not too distressing for your son and it would just be set up as a 'chat' for him.

I'm sure a court psychologist would be very gentle and find out the truth of the matter. They will be very experienced in speaking to upset and traumatised children.

thanks Madamfolly and OhThePlacesYoullGo. My son is reluctant to talk about his dad because he's afraid that he will find out what he's said. He has made good progress with his current therapist who I took him to for his anxiety and has begun to open up a little about why he is afraid of his dad but when faced with someone he doesn't know and 'put on the spot' he either clams up or tells them as little as possible or even what he thinks they want to hear. I feel that he has been 'questioned' (the guardians word not mine) enough by cafcass and we seem to just get things settled down and then they come up with something else. (He has also recently moved school and has settled really well). He has been consistent in stating to me, the guardian, school etc that he doesn't want to see dad and was even brave enough to tell him himself on the phone but his dad won't acknowledge any responsibility and just talked over him while he was speaking. I know that if the guardian reccommends this it is probably going to happen, and I can only hope that you are right and the psychologist will be experienced enough to put hom at ease. I just can't help thinking that if they would all just back off a bit we might get somewhere.

A fully qualified clinical psychologist should be very good in these circumstances.

I'm sure that they would welcome your comments and concerns, so you could either contact them directly or via your solicitor, if you're represented.

What a stressful time for you and your son. Most of the child psychologists on the list for court appointed assessments in awful private law conflicts like the one you are involved in, are very good, very experienced and focussed on the best interests in the short, medium and long term for the child/ren. The guardian is likely to recommend someone known and trusted, but as a party you have a say in the appointment. If you are legally represented by an experienced family lawyer, it is likely they will have knowledge of someone they feel is appropriate. The guardian should be selecting a psychologist with expertise in the specific areas the guardian has identified as issues for your son. You'll be able to google the psychologist and also should be presented with their CV to consider - there may be a choice so you don't feel it's being totally imposed on you. It is likely the psychologist will request permission from the court to speak to your son's current counsellor. This won't mean your son's confidentiality is broken, just that the psychologist has the best information to help them help in the situation. I do hope it is resolved without too much stress or delay

I agree with what others here have said. I don't think you need to fear the appointment of a psychologist. They are skilled at gaining children's trust in order to get to the bottom of issues. It's likely that they will see your son with you first. Make sure they know about your son's therapist.