To not be able to resist picking up my screaming baby :(

[BabyHaribo]

DS (11 months) was really poorly all over Xmas and has got used to being cuddled to sleep as this was the only way when he was ill.

I am now trying to get him used to going to sleep in his cot again. He used to be so good at going down.

This morning he SCREAMED and SCREAMED and lay there head banging the side of the cot. I cant bear it do after about 20mins of unsuccessful shushing and patting I gave in and picked him up

DH says I need to be stronger or he will learn screaming = cuddle but it's so hard i hate it when he is screaming - I am being really pfb??

Mumsy each to their own, but I really couldn't do that.

Before children are verbal, crying/screaming is their only means of communicating distress and and pain. We are parents are programmed to respond to that, and we should, because that is what is best for the child.

I did controlled crying with my ds1 because I thought it was the right thing to do. I felt so guilty at the time.

I didnt do it with other dcs (3) and felt much more relaxed in myself. All are good sleepers. DS2 is 2 yrs old, and although he doesnt need lots of hugs to nod off. He is happy to sleep if the door is open and he can see me pottering about ( putting toys away etc) I just wander in and out of the room n he watches me and then falls asleep. he finds it reassuring.

Ds3 is 13mths and gets loads of cuddles and hugs just because he is my last and I know how rare the hugs become as they get older. Also he is teething, and he needs the comfort of it.

I let ds 1 cry through teething and everything else because I thought this was how u did things. I really regret it now I know it makes no difference.

go with what u feel is right, if it means xtra hugs then go for it..

DS is 15 and I still cuddle him when he cries - it's the only chance I get these days! (teenager trying to be independent - who needs a mother anyway). So enjoy your cuddles while you can!

But, whilst I wouldn't leave a child screaming for 20mins and be able to resist a cuddle, I wonder if you went out of the room he might be more likely to settle. Seeing you there and not being cuddled might be freaking him out more than if he can't see you.

But you're his mum, you know your child. YANBU

trust your instincts. the way i see it, i will never look back on these times and wish that i had cuddled my babies less. in fact when i'm old and grey and my boys have flown, i would probably sell my soul for one more day of baby cuddles.

at least that's what i tell myself when i'm spending yet another evening in a darkened room trying to settle my 1 year old.

I agree mumsy

CC done properly is NOT letting your child scream endlessly, just wanted to point that out even though I realise that's not what the OP did.

I never felt guilt doing CC at all - but when I did it ds was old enough for me to know the difference between a " You must be KIDDING , I am NOT going to sleep, how dare you leave me mum!" and a "Oh please cuddle me I feel awful as I'm still a bit poorly."

The idea that allowing a baby to cry for any length of time will "promote independence" has been pretty thoroughly debunked. Pick your baby up whenever your gut instinct tells you to. The only thing you'll be teaching him is that he is safe and loved. He will then be a more happy and relaxed baby and scream less. He doesn't understand the many and complicated adult reasons why you don't pick him up, he just knows that he needs you and you aren't responding.

Your instincts are right and your DH is well meaning but following old-fashioned advice. Trust yourself.