To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

[PuzzleRocks]

Depends on your interpretation of rich. I feel rich and, as I am not working at the moment, we manage on less gross than what you have after tax and school fees. I wonder if the issue isn't actually money. Are there other areas of your life that don't make you happy?

[mrsjay]

TBh the OP has left and won't come back I think she was flaming moaning about nothing she asked what we thought that is what I thought, I also think she should find a bit of perspective was she wanting peoples hard luck stories to make her feel better , how people have to either eat or pay bills was that what she was looking for just so she could get a grip of herself,

[Bluegrass]

Rich is in the eye of the beholder, there is no objective definition.

[OliviaPeacein2013Mumsnet]

@crashdoll

I've never been deleted before. All I did was dare to suggest someone is having a little bit of fun with good natured MNers.

Sorry 'bout that but we are v clear about not troll hunting Oh look I wonder if I can sneak in another link in our guidelines
Do please report anything however small you're not quite sure about to MNHQ
THanks v much

[bevelino]

OP is entitled to seek help but will be well aware of the reaction she would get posting her question on mn. I am quite cynical of posts that lack sensitivity and appear to be simply about starting a debate about wealth.

[Bluegrass]

Mrsjay - if she was after hard luck stories there are plenty on here who love to oblige! Of course for anyone who has seen "real poverty" in the third world I expect almost all the hard luck stories trotted out on here end up sounding like the piteous whinging of self entitled twats!

It's all relative in the end.

[Moominsarehippos]

She didnt ask for help. Just made a statement.

[amillionyears]

No mrsjay, that is not what she said or meant.

garlic, good post where you posted your outgoings compared to the ops.

That is why I asked the op upthread, whether she and her DH go back to visit her parents. And I could add, the area she grew up in as that may be helpful and useful as well.

[MoreBeta]

There was an academic study done on this very question.

It showed that people tend to feel somewhat unhappy when they feel relatively less well off than other people. The study showed that absolute wealth or lack of it had little impact on how happy people felt about their life. What mattered was how much earnings or wealth they had relative to people they knew or lived near.

[amillionyears]

I was referring to mrsjay post of 21.13pm.

[mrsjay]

she didnt ask for help or advice she asked what people thought , I didn't say I was right just my thoughts like every other person on this thread

[amillionyears]

I remember that MoreBeta now you come to mention it.
If other people around her and her DH have the 250k but without some or all of the children, she ,and I dont know about him ,are going to feel like it sounds like she is feeling.

op, do you feel socially embarassed about your relative[and I use that term very loosely] lack of spending power?

[amillionyears]

There is an answer then for some people MoreBeta.
If a person or family feels a bit poor, move to an area that is poorer than where you are now.
And then you should feel richer!
Wonder if anyone has done that and if it worked!

[TwoFacedCows]

I can sort of see where you are coming from op.

between us, DH and I bring home 125k. We do not 'feel' rich.

we have no DC. our mortgage is £350+ £200 council tax. Our only other outgoings are gas and electric.

We have NO savings, We have NO money at the end of the month.

But we do have a fantastic life style. We are able to go away for the weekend probably at least 26 weekends of the year, stay in nice hotels. Our home is lovely. We can afford nice gadgets. We do not feel 'rich', but we are certainly not poor, we are very fortunate, and thankful.

[marriedinwhite]

MoreBeta spot on.

[BadWickedWorld]

This thread is mental, especially all those people who defend the op. On £250k a year I wouldn't actually expect to feel rich, I would expect to have a nice house in a nice area, with nice things in it, nice things to eat and nice holidays to enjoy, but not rich in the sense I could buy whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

Seems a bit like what the op has. Grabby, grabby, grabby, I want, I want, I want. What a numpty.

[bubblepop]

op- your not unreasonable. Its just your lifestyle needs some adjustment. If you lived like I do you would feel extremely well off, and I have 4 children like you do.
Ask yourself
could you own a car over 10 years old
live in a smaller house
send your children to an ordinary secondary school
live in a cheaper area
do without holidays, even in the uk
colour your own hair
grow your own veg
do without a cleaner/gardener
buy less clothes
spend less on entertainment
never eat out
do your own decorating
this is my life, I live frugally and bring up my family on less than £25k per year
we are happy with small things in life, a walk in the countryside,a cosy night in by the fire
Could you be happy living like this...if so you would feel RICH.

[lydiamama]

you may not feel rich, but let me tell you, you ARE RICH, rich in moneys, and rich in the important things in life (you have four children!!! I am sure you adore them and they make you and your husband very happy). You can afford to look after your family the best way, with a good education so they will have the best chance in life, and surely you do not have to work, so you can give them all your time to care, entertain, nurture and spoil them. Surely you can not be skint, like never ever!!!! Even if you live in London, that is a lot of money to spend every month, so can provide good shelter, food, heating, water, and entertainment??? I consider myself very very lucky, and I do not earn a fraction of that, I wish I could afford to have more little precious babies, but I can not because I could not provide appropriately for them, especially with time, as I HAVE to work to pay for the roof above our heads, and food, clothes..., and I would have to go back to work when baby is less than 3 months (and I am not comfortable with leaving them when they are so little).
Although you may not have a million pounds diamond, or a £2000 bag, or whatever you wish for, you have the chance to privately educate your four little ones, and I think you should feel very proud and rich for that.

[amillionyears]

Like I have said on another thread tonight, I think that MN is getting a bit big.
The op has had 620 posts since 9.34am this morning.
It is a lot or too much for people and a op to read.

People coming in later to a thread can think an op has said or meant something they havent said.
I dont mean anyone in particular, just that I think it is starting to be a problem on MN as a whole.

[whoovian]

Hi Amillionyears - I don't really feel embarassed socially because (some posters might find this hard to believe) I don't feel I am materialistic. I don't feel the need for lots of 'things' - what I do feel is a need for more security.

I wonder whether my environment comes into it by suggesting (probably wrongly) that everyone is is carefree with money.

[mrsshackleton]

£21k is what it would cost to have 4dcs at private school in London, for most secondary schools and some preps fees are around £5 to £5 1/2 k.
It sounds to me too, as if school fees are at the root of all this

[CloudsAndTrees]

This thread really does show that people have very different ideas of what 'rich' means. I don't think the OPs income makes her rich, not when a very large proportion of it is gone in tax.

If her net income was £250k a year, she'd be slightly closer to my idea of rich, but thats only her family's gross income.

I'm surprised to see that so many people think the OP is properly rich.