To not feel rich even though husband earns £250k a year

[whoovian]

I don't feel rich - I scarcely feel comfortable on this level of income.

Why is that - I grew up in a very poor family (not enough food at times type of poor) so I know what poverty feels like.

We are not extravagent spenders - we have one 1 week european holiday a year, no savings however we do have 4 children in private school(!) and live in London.

I feel unreasonable when I consider how little income others survive on but what do you think?

[mrsjay]

Perhaps living in London is soul destroying for her being unhappy rich or poor it is the same . people put far to much emphasise on lifestyle and are hard pushed to change in case they look like a failure,

[landofsoapandglory]

Aww you poor thing! It must be terrible for you!

We are comfortable. DH earns around £37k and I don't work because I am disabled. Maybe you should have another look at your outgoings.

[Tailtwister]

Private school fees and living in London can't come cheap...

I guess you just have to decide what's important to you. If you want to fund a private education then you're not going to feel rich are you? It's all relative anyway.

[AThingInYourLife]

"Maybe you need to cut down on unnecessary spending?"

The economy really will be fucked if people in the OP's income bracket cut down on unnecessary spending.

I'm interested in whether the OP is unusual in feeling the way she does, or whether people on £250K are struggling to afford a very comfortable in London.

If they are, that matters.

Ali - good point! What was I thinking? :o

[whoovian]

Thank you for the posts.

I realise that we have a very high income and I realise that we have choices that many others do not.

We do not have a nanny or cleaner.
We do not have lots of holidays/ go skiing
We do not have lots/a new car (we have a 5yr old galaxy)
no designer clothes, handbags etc

I don't need or want these things.

A lot of the posts expect me to have these things because of our income but we don't

I work

£250k income
£110k tax
£85k school fees
13k mortgage

leaves 42k for everything else.

I think part of the issue is that I felt private schools were not needed particularly at primary but my husband was very keen. Perhaps I have some lingering resentment over this decision.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I don't begrudge the OP her money. And she probably doesn't have a huge amount of money left after the school fees are paid. However, it's bleeding obvious that the school fees are why she has no 'spare' money. The OP needs to see that she is lucky to have been able to make the choice wrt the education of her children.

I can't see the point of this thread. If she was someone on a good wage, who wasn't paying out for obviously expensive things and was still struggling, then this might have been an interesting discussion about budgeting/cost of living/perceptions regarding wealth. However the solution is just so bloody obvious it begs the question of how someone can possible be so thick as to even ask.

[Bonsoir]

£250K income in London, with four children in private school and two adults at home is not enough to feel rich.

[JustAHolyFool]

You realise OP, right, that a great many of us don't earn anything LIKE 42K to begin with? I wouldn't know what to do with 42K, I really wouldn't.

And that our children won't get the start in life that a private school education affords?

So to be honest, I don't really know what your problem is. If your problem is that you don't feel you and your husband are making the best choice as regards educating your children, post that. But coming on here and saying that, with a 250K income you don't feel rich is going to get people's backs up.

[EmmelineGoulden]

The school fees will eat up a huge proportion of your takehime pay and though you presumably value the education you are buying for your kids, it isn't something you will really feel in terms of an extravagant lifestyle.

But this feeling of not really being rich enough isn't down that much to what you do spend your money on - it's all about what you don't spend your money on. Our culture sets us up to only really look at those who are doing better than us. Or those choices of others that give them something we don't currently have.

You know you have more money than virtually everyone else on the planet - but you are only looking at the people who have more than you, so it doesn't feel that way. (Similarly, virtually everyone reading or posting on this board is near the top of any sort of ranking of wealth on the planet, but we rarely look at the lives of the poor in other countries, we look instead at the rich here and abroad).

Stop looking at what you can't have and start thinking about what you can and do in a positive way. It is hard to do this in our culture, but it will make you a lot happier.

[Apparentlychilled]

OP, I can see why some aren't that sympathetic
your situation but as money is such an emotive subject for us all, but I do have some sympathy for you.

My childhood was very financially chaotic and though my finances are now v steady (and I would say we're comfortable, though no where near your household income levels), money (and the idea of not having any) literally terifies me. I've started to have some counselling to help w this. Maybe something you'd think of? And I also think some of it depends in your social circle- I'm guessing that all your friends and peers are very well off if you have 4 kids at private school (assuming you are friends with patents from school). Maybe broaden your social circle to include a wider range of people (maybe by doing activities w your children that aren't to do with school eg brownies/cubs, rhyme time at library type things) and you may get another perspective on your finances.

[Bonsoir]

You had two children too many. I realise the total unhelpfulness of that opinion, but I do see this problem around me a lot - people overdoing the number of DCs and then finding that their standard of living does not meet their expectations.

[forevergreek]

You have to remember though that op will be paying 50% tax on that. So half the amount will be take home ( £125000), then a mortgage and school fees wouldn't leave much tbh.

£125000- say £60000 school fees (£15000 each) is £65000

£65000 in London doesn't get you much. £500 a week would get you a nice 2 bed , £800 for a 3 bed. A lot more in reality.
£800x52 = just under £420000

£65000-£42000= £23000

£23000 to pay all bills/ transport/ foods/ lifestyle etc doesn't seem like a Lot when the gross earnt is £250000

The £40k rent/ mortgage would only be for a small 3 bed if lucky so that's why op probably doesn't feel 'rich'

We don't earn anything like op but I understand where she is coming from and don't understand all this ' well I earn 2 1/2 pence and live in a box, be grateful attitude'

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

AThing - I think people even on that income are feeling that they don't have the spending power that they did. Everything is so much more expensive, taxes are higher and the climate is uncertain.

It is very easy to look at someone further up the income scale and think that they must be able to spend at will and not have to make compromises and choices.

[IwishIwasmoreorganised]

OP - would you mind disclosing your major outgoings - school fees and mortgage?

We live on less than 20% of your income, but budget well and will be going skiing in a couple of weeks. I feel very privileged - some say lucky, and we have been lucky in some respects but it's no accident that DH and I are both professionals, and that we have bought a house that we can comfortably afford.

It's all about how you choose to spend the money that you have available.

[JenaiMorris]

AudrinaAdare :(

OP, as others have stated £250k gross is quite different to £250 net.

You live in London. I bet your house is absurdly expensive. You have four children in private education. I'm not surprised there's little left after that tbh - you ought to be throwing things into your Waitrose trolley with gay abandon but you probably can't. There will be others in you mileu who have far greater incomes, already own proerty outright or have massive help with fees from GPs.

What you do have however is choice - far more than most of us.

As an aside, a European holiday can be anything from a few hundred quid bucketshop deal to the Costas (holidays in GB really aren't always cheaper) to ££££s on the Cote d'Azure.

[Fakebook]

You're that other woman who spouts shit every so often in the DM aren't you?! . The one who always claims poverty when she has all 4 children in private school and they've remortgaged their house a few times. If its not you, then my apologies.

[CheungFun]

42k for everything else is a lot!

I'm sorry but I just don't understand. We have less than 42k a year to live on and we pay our mortgage, all the bills, holiday and treats out of that.

I think no matter how much money you have, you will always feel you don't have enough.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

OP - in fairness your mortgage is not huge. £42k a year to pay bills, car costs, food, clothes, holidays and so on is £3.5k a month. Which is a lot - although not riches I agree.

Where is all that money going?

[Jins]

Well 42K after tax for everything else should realistically leave you with enough to cover most expenses that I can think of (and quite a few more that I can't imagine) so I'm back to my point that there's something wrong somewhere in how you look at your finances.

It may well be that you are resenting the money that goes out on fees if you weren't keen to start with. It could also be that in the back of your mind you are panicking about how you'd cope if the income wasn't there any more. Take control of some of the 42k. Set up a savings plan. Watching it grow will be therapeutic

[MotherOfNations]

The poor woman's just lost out on £60.50 a week in child benefit. Give her a break.

[FarrahFawcettsFlick]

Have you thought about moving out of London?

What's your borrowings to equity ratio? Cheaper equivalent/better house in suburbs.

Schools - do your DCs go to top tier London indies (St Paul's/Westminster types) or could you look at out of London prep/indies? There are very good ones out there.

Commute doesn't have to be hell for DH - depending on where outside you look at.

[landofsoapandglory]

£42k left after you've paid your mortgage and you're bleating! Bloody hell, that's more than DH earns. Stop moaning and think yourself very, very lucky!

[ppeatfruit]

Audrina I like Enya too that office must employ an older mature person to choose the music !!!!

[EuroShagmore]

I can see the OP's point, and the problem here clearly is the school fees.

When I was earning 14k a year straight out of university I couldn't imagine what it would be like to earn 250k a year. I now have friends on that kind of money and they are not exactly bathing in 50 pound notes, although they are comfortable. They live in a 3 bed terrace (albeit in a "naice" area of London). They buy their clothes in Next and Gap. They don't have a cleaner or nanny. They have an 8 yr old car. They don't exactly have to watch what they spend in the supermarket, but they live nowhere near the lifestyle I would have expected they could have afforded on that kind of money. And that's without the school fees in the equation (although a chunk does go on maintenance to an ex wife).

[MolotovCocktail]

Last year I couldn't afford to buy my DD1 a new school coat. I trawled eBay and managed to purchase something for £4.88 + p&p, and still wondered if I could have saved. Then, the bottle steriliser for DD2 broke, and we panicked because we dent have £30 to buy a new one.

Wake up and realise how very fortunate you are.