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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL has Invaded my privacy

56 replies

Passthesaltdear · 06/01/2013 22:22

My mil looks after ds once a week while I work, she drives considerable distance to do this and I am very grateful for that as ds loves it and it saves me a fortune in nursery fees. I have no complaints about her but this...
I got back from work a few weeks back and went to my bedroom to get changed, opened my drawers to find that all my clothes had been removed and then folded into neat piles and rearranged in my drawers! Shock The psycho theme tune rang in my ears! I feel it's an invasion of my privacy and that our room would naturally be considered off limits to this sort of rearranging (which she is prone to in other areas of the house which I find bad enough). I didn't say anything at the time but chewed ear of dh who sympathises but doesn't want to upset his mum (nor do I as I don't want her to stop looking after our ds!)
Then this week came home to find she had been in my wardrobe and rearranged everything in there too.
There are things in our room I wouldn't want her to see (normal married couple type stuffSmile) and am pissed off she is even in there! I have tried shutting the door to make it clear the room is off limits but obv not worked. Am loathe to put a lock on my own door in my own house.
Anyone else experienced anything like this? aibu and how to deal?

OP posts:
Tortington · 06/01/2013 22:43

"i can't tell you how much i appreciate everythng you do, you are a star, an inspiration and we would be lost without you. "

RedTinsel · 06/01/2013 22:45

Ironically now we have DCs the house is a hell hole and I wouldn't mind her coming round and tidyin up and doing the dishes now and again!

Perhaps you could ask her to do something housrworky do he still feels like she's helping and keeps her away from your smalls. 'oh if you get chance can you pair up these socks for/fold the sheets/water the pot plants' sort of thing.

forgottenpassword · 06/01/2013 22:45

My MIL went through the adult laundry basket - separate from the dcs-with all my underwear in it and sorted it out for washing and then washed it. Got my Dh to explain that although grateful for the attempt to help, that was kind of crossing the line.

everlong · 06/01/2013 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 06/01/2013 22:48

What Custardo said. Just be honest, but be honest in such a way that it's somehow your fault - "I know I'm really silly to feel this way and I do know the bedroom's a mess but...". So it's not that she's invaded your privacy, it's that you're a complete neurotic (she has and you're not, just so we're clear).

As long as you top and tail it with how much you value and appreciate her that might work.

CaptainKirksNipples · 06/01/2013 22:49

Think you need to go on the attack here! My MIL does many things that infuriate me but I have managed to stop her doing them over the years, she has to have an awkward conversation with me rather than me with her.

Mil stands very close, so I stand that leeeetle bit closer.
Mil wants to buy dc's expensive gifts (largest lego box instead of the one ds actually wants!) so I email a list of very expensive things tv/ bmx etc. Mil complained that she never saw dc's so we made sure she could babysit overnight frequently for her benefit...

She wants to do housework for you? Leave her a huge list! And some lube under your pillow...

spudmurphy · 06/01/2013 22:55

Lock the room

Original poster
Passthesaltdear · 06/01/2013 22:55

Custardo and hassled - good plan I like that
Long list of chores is also an idea.
I know what you mean about washing basket, hate the thought of someone else washing my undies

OP posts:
Mynewmoniker · 06/01/2013 22:59

Reminds me of the time my DH took my neighbours dry knickers of the washing line before he used an angle grinder in the garden. He didn't want them to get dusty he saidHmm

My neighbour was very good about it but I wasn't!

He didn't mean any harm and it is like him not to think what this would look like first.

Original poster
Passthesaltdear · 06/01/2013 23:01

How funny!!

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 06/01/2013 23:04

Lock on the door. If she asks why then say you don't want your DC going in the room as you're teaching him boundaries.

3smellysocks · 06/01/2013 23:06

buy the biggest dildo you can find and leave it on the bed in full view.

3smellysocks · 06/01/2013 23:07

or better still get your DH to scrawl an erotic love letter to you/the next door neighbor and leave it open in a drawer.

Tortington · 06/01/2013 23:13

install a love swing

Mynewmoniker · 06/01/2013 23:20

Leave a copy of '50 shades' on the bed, dog ear some pages and write a large tick, date and score after various 'acts'. That'll give her something to fill her mind with whilst she's cleaning Wink

vintageviolets · 06/01/2013 23:20

Or leave some of these in the wardrobe!

www.petsathome.com/shop/kong-safestix-medium-85301

They are actually only from Pets at home, but I think they look dodgy Shock

Lucy411 · 06/01/2013 23:22

Give her a shit sandwich as my sister phrased it the other day, say something nice... Something to the point and a little shitty to get the message across and something nice again :)

Don't know whether to accept the compliments or address the shit :)

Cerealqueen · 06/01/2013 23:41

YANBU. Say that while it might look disorganised, you know where everything is so would appreciate her not re-organising your drawers, thanks very much.

Original poster
Passthesaltdear · 06/01/2013 23:51

Vintage- love that they are called KONG too, somehow makes them even more dodgy looking

OP posts:
Jux · 07/01/2013 00:20

Don't leave sex toys lying around. MIL once found one in the lodgers' room - newly wed couple, waiting for their first house purchase to go through. The couple became very close friends with dh.

The first time I met MIL, when we said we'd just seen them, she immediately told me all about the vibrator she'd found on their bed blah blah blah. It was 20 years later, I was a total stranger to her. She told everyone she met, whether they knew the couple or not (but especially if they did). Horrendous.

OP, I'd just be straight with her, and ask her not to go into your room.

MammaTJ · 07/01/2013 00:24

Could I PM you my address so she can come and tidy my shitpit house. Grin

deleted203 · 07/01/2013 00:31

I think you have to simply be honest and to the point. I'd be horrified at anyone poking about in my bedroom, TBH (and I don't even have anything exciting in there!).

I would say, 'I'm really grateful for all that you do, but please could you respect the fact that our bedroom is private and we don't want anyone at all in there. I'm sure you understand'. If she is so sensitive and acts hurt I would put on a HUGELY surprised face and say, 'I can't believe that you would want anyone else going through your bedroom drawers when you weren't in the house. It's such a massive invasion of anyone's privacy'.

IloveJudgeJudy · 07/01/2013 00:39

You say she's very sensitive. I wouldn't mention it, but just put a lock on the bedroom door. Sorted.

OkayHazel · 07/01/2013 02:18

My gran was doing this to my mum, so my mum purposely left the washing basket full. My gran now does the washing instead.

MrsNPattz · 07/01/2013 03:15

You are definitely NBU - totally wrong and I wouldn't care if she was trying to be helpful, that is just not her job! If it were me I would ask DH to say something, we had to do the same thing when MIL was doing our washing while were on holiday (I didn't like this).