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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect friends i see regularly & 'god parents' to send bday cards for my 5yo...

95 replies

driedapricots · 06/01/2013 20:29

...& not wait until the next time they see t
her, which is often weeks after the Big day...or worse still simply forget altogether...the bday is just after new year & only a small number remember & it seems to get less every year..many have dc born in the same year who she plays with regularly too. now shes getting older Dd realises who hasnt sent too & asks Why they havent..Sad

OP posts:
ILoveTIFFANY · 06/01/2013 22:18

But your 'special friends' don't seem to want a role in your dc life like you want them to!

Original poster
driedapricots · 06/01/2013 22:19

oh & ps..its not about the adults..their dc are my dc longest friends..its actually about teaching dc how to be a good friend..nothing to do with expectations...do we not teach our children that when its their friend' bdays its nice to send a card?? Angry

OP posts:
scarletforya · 06/01/2013 22:20

Ha! i'm afraid you are in for a world of disappointment to expect any fuss for a Christmas birthday. I have a Christmas birthday myself so I wouldn't recommend you build up her expectations too much. Friends don't usually give cards. maybe God parents.

EuroShagmore · 06/01/2013 22:24

YABU. Your friends are not her friends, really. If a god parent has stood up in church (or equivalent) and made a commitment to the child, then I think it is reasonable to expect them to remember birthdays, but not otherwise.

Flossiecombover · 06/01/2013 22:34

Yanbu!I am godmother to two lovely children and would always make a fuss on their birthday.I have a special role in their lives and take that seriously.I would also be annoyed if my children's birthdays were forgotten or 'overlooked'-ds1 celebrates his birthday on Christmas Eve and I actually think its pretty shitty that close family sometimes forget or are 'too busy'.That's not spoiling them-its their birthday ffs.I just couldn't do that to a child.

CaHoHoHootz · 06/01/2013 22:53

OP, please ignore all the spikey posters. There seems to be a lot of crabby MN'ers about at the moment. Hmm (obviously lots of lovely ones too Grin )

I still think YABU Blush. Cards and presents from family and people invited to parties, other than that and it all gets a bit over the top. Your DD will only care about it if you care about it.

DonderandBlitzen · 06/01/2013 23:04

I would only expect a card and present from people I had invited to my child's party.

Original poster
driedapricots · 06/01/2013 23:06

ive not said anything to dd about it, i was simply a bit bored this evening, pondering & thought id throw it out there..thank you flossie

OP posts:
Original poster
driedapricots · 06/01/2013 23:07

there was no party!!

OP posts:
elleephant · 06/01/2013 23:07

I have to say I am always surprised that people place such importance on a card? They're seriously over priced and end up in a bin unless of particular sentimental value.

I think my very long standing friends remembered my first dc birthday, and I was surprised and touched, but we haven't received any since. I took it as a gesture to me and an ackowledgement of big an event a first child is.

I don't think it's normal or to be expected that even v close friends would remember your dc birthdays. They're your friends not your dc's and it's difficult enough to keep track of essentials birthdays never mind lots of other people's dc's.

Bit surprised your dc has noticed tbh. Maybe you're making too much fuss about it? A good birthday shouldn't depend on cards! Esp from your mum's friends ;)

gimmecakeandcandy · 06/01/2013 23:10

Poor op is getting some really harsh responses here! Yanbu op to expect close friends and especially godparents to give a card and present from godparents!

Can you talk to them?

DonderandBlitzen · 06/01/2013 23:11

I know.

gimmecakeandcandy · 06/01/2013 23:12

Please don't take that consensus op, don't stop feeling the way you do based on some spikey posters!

BackforGood · 06/01/2013 23:17

Ignore the rude people OP,

but

I agree with those who say YABU to expect your friends to send her cards for her birthday. What seems exciting when the first child is born, can become unmanagable once all of your friends and similar age relatives have 2 or 3 children each.

GodParents - or those taking an 'equivalent role' are different though - they agreed to be a "special person" in your dc's life, so, in their case YANBU. They should definitely be making a point of remembering her birthday.

PureQuintessence · 07/01/2013 10:04

Do you think bridesmaids give birthday presents to the bride for the foreseeable because she was a bridesmaid?

[shakes head bewildered].

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2013 10:28

OP, YANBU.

Some of you really need to calm down a bit. You can disagree without being quite so harsh!

strumpetpumpkin · 07/01/2013 10:30

i dont send cards to my friends kids unless weve been invited to the birthday party

cory · 07/01/2013 10:47

I totally agree that children's birthdays should be magical. And know from experience that there is no surer way of taking the magic out of magical days than filling them with expectations that might not be fulfilled.

My own mother was an expert at this in her younger days- rushed from the table in tears at dh's birthday party once because the napkins were only paper and apparently you need proper linen napkins for the true magical experience. When speaking to her about the occasion a few years later, it transpired that she had forgotten that we had provided a 3 course dinner and some rather nice presents: she just remembered it as something that had failed to live up to expectation though she couldn't remember quite what had gone wrong- it was those bloody napkins. Dh didn't care one way or another, but had some of the shine taken off his birthday by his MILs reaction.

If you teach your dd that her birthday is less magical because of something that didn't materialise, instead of helping her to focus on the magic that did happen, then all the magic will be gone. Magic is teaching someone to see.

MissingInAct · 07/01/2013 10:57

Applaud cory.
Very very well said and thoughtful

Haroldbishop · 07/01/2013 11:04

God parents should send cards.

I don't send cards to my friends' kids - it's enough to remember to send cards to my friends let alone their kids.

KellyElly · 07/01/2013 11:14

Do you think bridesmaids give birthday presents to the bride for the foreseeable because she was a bridesmaid? Eh? How does that compare to a godparent.

KellyElly · 07/01/2013 11:28

Here's something from Wikipedia. A godparent, in many denominations of Christianity, is someone who sponsors a child's baptism. Today, the word godparent might not have explicitly religious overtones. The modern view of a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development.

I think many people don't see godparents in a religious way any more but as a special adult in their lives - hence the naming ceremony the OP talks about. This is still a a commitment to take and interest and be a part of their lives and that to me includes marking their birthdays otherwise why agree to take on the role in name only.

Original poster
driedapricots · 07/01/2013 18:21

just to clarify to some of you, clearly so on your high horse you are not understanding my frustrations..or maybe ive not been clear..these are friends who ive known a v long time, we had dc together, our dc are friends who play regularly..i would have thought a card from the friends dc to my dd would be a done thing..it has been in prev years..i get that people are busy but Im disappointed. i have not said anything to dd, she had a fab bday Thx..she just asked if xxx had sent a card as other little friends of hers had sent cards...thats all Angry Envy Wine Wine Wine

OP posts:
Original poster
driedapricots · 07/01/2013 18:42

oh & pure yes actually i would expect to swap cards with my bridesmaids for the forseeable as i chose v gd friends & work hard to keep my friendships strong..spose that's a bit odd to some people eh..

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 07/01/2013 19:13

i would have thought a card from the friends dc to my dd would be a done thing..it has been in prev years

No, it's not. There's no law to say you have to give cards. I don't send Christmas cards, anyone who gets upset at that is being a tad petty imo.

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