Bloody DH

[BigOldBill]

I need to know if I'm in the wrong regarding an exchange between myself and DH this evening.

Background:
DH and I have three DC. Unfortunately DD2 has some health problems for which I am a registered carer for her. We have an older and younger child.

Now, DD2 is likely to be in hospital next week, or have extra appointments and maybe some community care at home. DH was on the phone to a colleague earlier this evening and he mentioned doing some overtime next week. When he got off the phone I asked him why he would be doing overtime when I would more than likely need extra support with the other DC's whilst DD2 is unwell.

He said that he needed to work and he didn't see what the issue was. This conversation carried on in the same vein, until he said that basically he didn't see what the fuss was about as technically this was my job so what was I complaining for.

I'm upset by this. I am a SAHM to our youngest DC and also the elder two, and yes, I am a registered carer for DD2. But these are his children too, and I don't think I'm being unrealistic in needing support if DD will need me more.

I do all of DD's caring at home, because DH works. I don't moan about this, but I am annoyed that he just never sees how difficult it is juggling everything with DD2 and then having to deal with the other two DC's in hospital.

(I should probably also say that it's common for him to decide to work earlier or take on overtime when DD is unwell - i genuinely don't think he it)

I can't tell if he's being unreasonable or am I? I do get paid for this role (I'm just living it up on my carers allowance ) but actually I'm not asking for help with DD2 - just some help with the other DC's.

Not bu. he's been very thoughtless I think. Unfortunately I have no advice apart from telling him how u feel. Blokes just don't think sometimes. I am sorry for u though as it will no doubt be a tough week now, sending hugs.... X

He sounds like a great father :/ Have you pointed out that if he doesn't help that you will (presumably) have to take the other 2 children to the hospital with you and risk exposing them to Norovirus?

YANBU to be annoyed by his attituge, but it would be helpful to know what age the other children are i.e. is the older one old enough to look after young one for a bit

Selfish people don't think. It's not a bloke-only thing.

Absolutely not unreasonable to expect a little extra help while one of your children is in hospital, I'd have thought most people would realise this without needing to be prompted and would plan accordingly.

Is he sort of in denial about the health needs of your DD2?

YANBU

No issues with acceptance of illness.

Just an arse.

DC's are 7, 5 and 2. Yes, generally all the DC have to be in hospital if DC2 is as there is really nowhere else for them to go. If he has ever had them over it he drops them off at the hospital first thing, unwashed, hungry and with any clothes thrown on them. I am then expected to feed them (which is impossible when in hospital) and get them ready before school.

Being completely honest he is a workaholic and most unhelpful when it comes to doing anything with the DC's. He has always taken it as not his problem as he is busy 'providing for the family'.

If I left him then he'd have to take some responsibility for them wouldn't he?

Oh my goodness OP, that's shocking behaviour.

If you are at the hospital with a sick child it is absolutely not on for him to dump the other kids on you first thing in the morning. If you're the one doing the lions share of caring for the child in hospital he needs to do the same for your children at home. Either change arrangements at work or find help with getting the kids ready/to school.

Is there any way you could sit down with him and work out a fair and equitable way to divide up your responsibilities? He might work hard but is by implication saying you don't? It isn't a competition, think it's time he saw that.

What does he do? Is the overtime optional or is he being pressured into it by his boss?

If optional, then he should definitely can it and put your DD2 first.

If his boss is threatening him, then I can see why he might be resistant.

Is there a compromise available?